🎓 Student Mind Matters | Let’s Talk About Student Mental Health

🎓 Student Mind Matters | Let’s Talk About Student Mental Health

Hello everyone. Good evening. Good evening Sachin. Thank you for joining us. Good evening Nathan. Always a pleasure. Today we have to Yep. Good to have you with us today. Um we are going to speak about an interesting topic. So um if you could get started with your first thoughts and then we can take this forward from Sure. Sure. Sure. I mean obviously I’m thinking about we are looking at student minds matter right uh there in the past year two years I think uh India has woken up to a harsh reality that there’s a high number of suicides. Yeah. every time I come in there is some some information that has to have a a suicide connotation as well but uh we are looking at where research has shown that behind suicides over 60 to 80% of people with who die by suicide uh among the causal relations that you’re looking at what is happening at the back end uh what we identify is mental health issues to be uh uh you know showing the highest correlation there. So when we are talking about over 60 to 80% of these suicides are having mental health uh issues in the back end. Um then isn’t it important for us to begin a conversation right as to what does mental health what is the mental health state for our student or um children below 18? Let’s even to kind of bifocate that student one as well below 18 years of age because data has shown us that we lost in the last uh the latest report that we have which is 3 years old um the NCB data ADSI report has suggested that we lost almost 13,000 children to suicide in one year and uh more shocking is that below 12 years of age children in in among those 13,000 children uh below 12 years of age there were over 100 and uh the youngest of which apparently was around 5 and a half years old. So what have we understood mental health issues contribute is is part of over 60 to 80% of suicides and this is what an area that we have absolutely no clue or conversation in in um for the for the student population. Um there is this predominant um the the the belief is that in India kota is the problem IIITs or any institution that are doing uh that that need academic excellence and it’s the pressure in thesemies where the suicides are happening which is a lie. I’m not saying that these organizations, institutes or places don’t have suicides. But we are talking about 13,000 children dying in a year. IIT’s lost around 40 children uh in in a year. Kota lost around 100 200, right? I’m and I’m not being insensitive here, but we are looking at the numbers. Okay, that accounts for what? 300 students. How do you account for the rest 12,700 children who have died? Where are they dying? So first and foremost we have to understand this is not a very region specific problem when we are talking about student health mental health or children’s mental health. We are not referring to what is the situation in Kota or IITs. We are talking about children students across the board in India because it’s not about that there is a kota in India. India is Kota. When we have 13,000 children dying by suicides, then we cannot place one point or uh uh place a point in the map and be like this is the problem area. No, that map, that whole map is the problem area. And um today I’m hoping through our conversation Nan, we are able to identify some of the predominant uh maybe myths and stigmas around this space. um what are the main challenges that we are looking at it and how to also bifocate that looking at life’s situation and challenges are not the mental health issue uh uh that they are there but there are other things that we may need to look at uh and and um maybe there may be some impetus to put in the change in how life is how we perceive it like growing up um we had kati baraji right um and I feel It was a very extremely important lesson for me as a child to know that yes I may have a fight with my friend today evening but tomorrow morning we are back to square one. it’s it’s not the end of the friendship and but many of these very simple things that I picked up on the playground do the children in today’s day and age have access to that um are academics or uh goals and ambition coming in the way of a child’s holistic health how much is that important when we are talking about mental health are we just talking about one aspect or is that something that needs a more holistic approach and where do we process begin and through your expertise, we may even be able to look into some of the evidence-based modalities that may be existing. I’m looking at you know for further exploration if anything were to come out of it. However, there needs to be a lot to be said at the basic conversation level itself where there is so much stigma stopping a conversation from happening. So that’s that’s where my entirety of my mind is. I’ve just uh vomited it out for you. Maybe you can help me organize that a bit, Nathan. Super. Perfect. So, we’ve got like a good starting point. Um, as you go ahead, just for all of you are watching us, who are listening to us or who would watch us later on while we’re talking about student mental health. Um, it’s also important to recognize that more and more schools are opening up to the idea of these challenges, right? Uh for example with Rotary itself there are a set of schools that we are reaching out to where there are different mental health awareness campaigns different mental health awareness talks are taking place and you may think that some of these will be like you know the first thing is mental health top schools where we are reaching out but DMC schools schools which are run for generally the marginalized sections of the society uh those are the schools who are taking up all of these things more and more and the reason is Because teachers see the struggle. They can see the fact that there are children who are without even realizing attempts bullying each other and sometimes realizing it. There are places where young children in schools are using they’re literally bringing alcohol and vape in the school and we’re not not talking about college. We literally speaking schools, right? So there is this growing awareness even amongst teachers teachers schools u to second it’s not only for children I’m also beginning to notice that a lot of schools are open to the idea that can you come and do a training with our with our children sorry with our teachers because you want them to be in the right mental emotional state so they can work with the children If they are not in the right state, then how do they help and support the children? So while we’re talking about all of these numbers, you’re talking about all of these problems, I also just want to bring it to your awareness that we are still comparatively at a better place than what we were probably few years back where we may not have the numbers. So we may not think that the situation is as bad as it is right now and yet at the same time there was just not no willingness on part of the schools and part of the uh teachers to really take this up head on. So it’s important important to keep that also in mind. Yes. Now with that said, S if you could introduce yourself first before we go. Sure. Um so I’m Sachin Chitaman. I am uh not a psychologist. My introduction has to start with what I’m not. However, I’m someone who has been working in the space of mental health and suicide prevention for over 15 years. Um currently I am associated with around three organizations u um as a founder with the connect hut which is a mental health organization where our aim is to um make mental health simple and accessible for the layman for the people to be able to access uh and apply um mental health practices and just first of all be aware of what we mean when we say mental health. So our aim is on that that very basic level introduction and also we uh our expertise lies in suicide prevention based training. So where we train people in how to identify warning signs of suicide um how to be there for someone who is going through this and how to even help yourself uh uh while while uh either you are yourself going through this or someone else in your vicinity is going through this. Um in addition to this we have um I’m also involved with ANAI. I’m the co-founder and the director of training with Ankah helpline which is a suicide prevention helpline were operational every day from 400 p.m. to 10 p.m. Uh and that’s accessible to anyone who is distressed, despairing or going through suicidal thoughts. A place for them anonymously and confidentially and non-judgmentally be listened to and where they can talk through their feelings. it is completely without any advice solution um that we operate this on. Um and finally I’m also the president of befrienders initiative uh which is um the umbrella organization in India under which 14 suicide helplines work across India and befrienders initiative reports into befrienders worldwide which is the organization under which is present has presence in over 30 countries with over 10,000 volunteers working in the suicide prevention space. So that’s a bit about me I guess. In addition to this, I’m cognitive hypnotic coach as well as a suicide prevention gatekeeper and instructor. Super perfect. Uh so thank you Sachin for that introduction and just quickly about me I am Nitan Sha. I am a um I’m the founder of it meet goals visp. Um I’m as this uh also the director of ITA support foundation. So there are a combination of mental health related organizations that I’m a part of that I’m heading. Um our core expertise lies in training coaches, psychologists in developing advanced practitioner skills to be able to work with challenges that they were not able to address through whatever other training programs they’ve gone through. We focus a lot on awareness both at the level of creating mental health awareness for people who are struggling with challenges and for practitioners who need to develop the skills to help them work with those challenges. That’s the long and short of what we do. Um and I and Sachin more or less make it a point to come every alternate Wednesday on this conversation where we have these different conversations, different topics. Uh the idea is to create awareness, to have discussions, to learn from each other and in the process if all of you can learn something out of this that’s a bonus for us. So thank you. Thank you for joining us for this extremely important topic called uh students mind matters. So Sachin let me begin by asking you something. Uh in the work that you’re doing with children with students what are the primary challenges you’re noticing them facing? So again it’s a very broad um area but if I were to just um distill it into some problems I I think one of the major challenges that as a society like and this is where I would like us to look at the environment from the kids from the children’s perspective right what does the world look like to them and we are seeing like in my trainings the simple question that I ask parents is like when you were 8 years old, what were you doing? What do you remember doing? And they’re like or something of the other. But somehow when they’re talking about their own children, their 8-year-old is learning coding. And I’m like, where do we begin this right? What are the challenges that children are facing now? Where do I begin? where there is this um truth myth propagation where we say children are sponges so just fill them up. So we have assumed this superhuman power in the shape of a child who we have got and now we are seeing that okay apparently what we have learned as millennials or the ones who are having kids now is that it was a childhood that we that got messed up. they were given way too much structure or or way less structure or way whatever the personal lesson that that parent has taken away and they ensure now that I have a regimented life for my child which starts at 7:00 a.m. a timetable I mean and I am I’m a neurode divergent like I know with the special lingo that is going on I would fall under the neurody divergent I hated the structure in the school itself when I was growing up absolutely hated those periods right now imagine if I were a child growing up now how would I have liked that my entire day has a timet table in which even the free time is scheduled and I don’t know how I would have functioned in that to be honest but now so just before we go ahead uh you brought up an important point right that children are sponges but please remember sponges also have their own capacity limit and when you fill it up then everything starts leaking there you And Nathan, my challenge is is what are you filling it up with? They the popular assumption here is as a child, if the child knew coding, then he’s already going to start earning at 10 and by 15 he’s making 10 companies or whatever and by 25 he’s retired. I like I am not understanding what the plan is because let’s face the reality. Research is showing us by 20. Okay, this is going to sound funny and maybe may today’s session we can keep around the environment itself and maybe drag this into a two three episode because I have so much to rant on this Nathan I can’t believe it what am I seeing the research is showing that by 2030 and this research I got through uh last year 2024 so I came across this research where they’re saying by 2030 the jobs that will be there professions people Because everything everyone is concerned about is what my job is career is in Fana. The jobs that will be there in 2030 of them 70% of the jobs that will be there then in 5 years time now do not exist today. All right. So I you’re going to take this as a factual point from me. This is statistically shown research has shown that those jobs do not exist today. Like for example, I am a suicide prevention trainer. This job doesn’t exist. Didn’t did it did not exist let’s say 5 years ago. But today this is a job. I’m making a living out of this job. Right now why why is this a important thing to consider? Okay. Growing up we realized that you know we you have also probably heard this right but we have heard first government job was the best right you have you have heard that those times then became private jobs then became engineers then doctors then it right it like and then my question is in the last three years how many IT people lost their job right and how many of them will be losing in the next couple of months probably I mean are we and what is your son doing in kotar preparing for IITG did IIT for the first year didn’t have a 100% campus placement what about those students who didn’t get a campus placement because the belief that we are sending our kids on to this machine is saying that apparently is the mantra we are all going on right but is our reality matching it no right but then when my question to the parents is like as a child what does I mean it I I adopted a dog for me to adopt that dog the adoption center made me go through a one and a half month course and I was like thank God I went through that course because I felt so much more confident taking care of my dog. They spoke about I how I need to socialize my dog with sounds with tastes with people with genders with all the things that I will be interacting with. My dog needs to be socialized to this. It’s a very simple concept. I’m scared to think how many of parents have actually thought of that that enabling the socialization for my children is as in fact the most important thing that they can learn while growing up like the sponge they are a sponge for a reason. They are picking up life skills right and what I am learning in the playground as socially with the people around it goes a long way ahead when I have to perform as a societ as society’s uh uh productive member that society that is made up of my colleagues my peers but I don’t know how to interact with them what is my coding going to do to help there it is probably already going to be extinct in the next 2 years or obsolete. Now there are these major questions that are coming up but and a lot of parents are there’s so much fear. I mean I have spoken to parents like okay because now their wife is also there but the child is still so stressed and when I said why did you send him then you are aware of all this you are saying it is disturbing my life I’m living in constant tension and they are living. I don’t I just I I didn’t want him to go there. Suchin told me this. I’m like then you didn’t want this to happen. Then why did you do this? Like because he wanted it. My son said because his friends are going he needs to go otherwise he’ll fall behind. Right. My and my challenge you made a calculated decisionm because they were so there’s one more thing right so the thing is as children begin to grow up there are things that become from a parent’s point of view. There are things that become difficult for them to say no to especially when a child is saying I want to go to Kota because I want to do well in my career. Okay. How do you argue with this? the child you may you may give all the statistics and figures and reason I may not go to court I will not join a college g I may still be under a pressure over there right so the reason I’m bringing this up to you is because the moment we reach a place where a child is saying I want to go to kota because my friends are going or I will be left behind mahhat already. Exactly. Exactly. Because they are so stuck that they don’t know what to do at this point because already issues and ideally this should have correct and ideally this should have been addressed prior so that the child by the time they reach that stage recognizes what is more important what is a priority how while kota may be one route it’s not the only route right and then make a more informed choice in terms of what is better for them but if you’re reach that place then for a lot of parents it becomes very difficult it’s a to you you’re doomed you’re doomed you’re doomed no that’s the point I’m I I am calling this out my challenge is that this is not a you’re not stuck between a devil and the hard space like we are putting it out to be because look at what is on the other when you’re saying that there is the devil on the other side look at the devil is much worse than the hard place that you’re faced on the other side that is what you so the reason I’m bringing you I know of people who actually tell their parents, I’ll commit suicide if you don’t let me go. This is a for them this becomes a far bigger challenge. Now this this exactly thank you Nathan. The child has just screamed out and this is how I am because they they are not trained to deal with suicidal ideation. Right. What is happening? the person the child is saying I will kill myself if this doesn’t happen right it in a different way I know I’m it may almost feel like I’m strawmanning this argument but in a training a person had told me my wife has told me right and to both these questions my my simple question is suicide. Right. fear, suicidal thoughts, what needs to be done for us to address it. But where right now if the only thing that we are opting for is I I would be a really bad person in this space if I were to say like I had a situation where uh a person I was having a conversation with who was dealing with this similar situation with their child. After we had our conversation and I explained to them right this is what the person is showing. These are signs you need professional help. This is how you can get it. Next day the person came up to me and said such I bought him PS2 PS3 PlayStation PlayStation how is this PlayStation helping other than asaging their own guilt and this needs to be addressed. What you have mentioned here is such it is difficult for them. It is. But Sachin, what I’m saying is all of these discussion we can have. No. So that’s what I’m telling you. So all of these discussions between you and me who understand the idea of you visiting a therapist to seek help is fair enough. But for most parents when you said that they’re not hearing the word suicide, the problem is they hear hearing the word suicide and that is taking precedence over everything else. Now the problem that they are facing is they don’t know how to deal with this word suicide. And because they don’t know it, the best thing they can understand right now and you know the answer that I’m coming to. So now the moment the child goes over there, you’re not with the child day in day out. You don’t know what the child is going through, right? And the child in return is no longer saying I’m going to commit suicide. The child is saying I’ll commit suicide to the father or the mother if I don’t go to kota. But in kota when I’m struggling then I’m not telling my parents. Now when the child is having suicidal thoughts nitan do you see what the child they are not able to tell their parents. That’s what I’m saying. So now they’re not even able to tell their parents. Yes. So from so therefore I said that if you’re talking about situation reaching a place where they are already saying I will go I’ll commit suicide right for us to have this discussion that why didn’t you take them to therapy okay is okay but there are children who actually saying that Nathan now there is also what would be so in this discussion When a child tells a father or a mother, you take me to Kota, allow me to go to Kota for my education, I am willing to take that stress or I will commit suicide. Now what does a parent do over here? First off, I am as a parent, my job is not to just agree with my child. I I I think you can also you will make that distinction, right? So when if my child were to say that I’m if you don’t do this, I’m going to kill myself. Now first and foremost where is this pressure coming from? I would like to know from my child. I would rather sit with the child. I’m like okay this is a very big decision that we are talking about here and I’m not talking about it just with regards to the monetary uh thing. Monetary is a very different thing and if I’m a a parent who is able to afford it comfortably let’s put that in that prism. If I’m not able to do this comfortably then that’s added pressure for that child itself. Right? So now if this is the situation, if I have to take a responsible and again I’m I don’t mean to guilt trip parents here. Yeah. What I’m trying to do, I’m hoping that this video if they’re able to see and if that brings up a question and if they are feeling guilty, I hope they don’t sit down again. I hope they are able to at least make put in the effort to make at least one phone call to see is there something more I can know that would actually help me in these situations because there are right if they were able to talk bit you’re talking about suicide what’s happening tell me more because there needs to be an honest communication at some point right I’m not even talking about mental health professionals but first are they able to have a honest communication with their Now I’ll give you this example right where we said I’m going to add one line and then I want you to incorporate this in the response that you’re giving me. The thing is there are children who will tell you that I will not talk to you unless you agree with me. And again I’m and I’m again saying this with the disclaimer that we’re talking about a situation where things have already reached here. Okay. So because if this conversation was the child is still making up his mind whether I want to go to Kota or not whether is the right choice or not then there there’s a lot more scope about discussion and all of that but when a child is in that space they’re saying and also sorry they’re not saying because they want to go there for career all my friends are going Right. Right. Can you hear me now? Yeah. Yeah. Now I get. So I was saying at times it’s not even about the career. At time it’s simply about all my friends are going. If they are going and I don’t go I’ll be left behind. So no matter what you need to let me go over there. Now how does the parent in this space bring that change where the child is at least willing to have that conversation? Because again for the parents the the threat the sword that’s hanging on this first off I’m just taking on that example of that they there straight away their threat again because I do not take uh the fact that anyone saying that I will kill myself if this is not done as a threat because it’s not an attention-seeking thing or a blackmail situation. This is a serious sign that the person is having suicidal thoughts. Right now when you hear the threat, what I want them to understand here is first and foremost this is not a black male situation. This is in fact a very common symptom called black and white thinking where the person is not able to see anything other than kota or any other education institution or whatever. But this is symptomatic of something that there is much more in the back end. It is not a simple solution that this is the reason why I’m asking the parents. It’s not about giving that wife question. This is a serious person who had said my wife said Sachin if they I don’t give her necklace she will kill herself right now. The what are we implying here is that it is the wife’s fault. No it’s not S. That’s what I’m saying. No, no, from the person right that this not, no, no, not even from the person. So, I’m clarifying this again, right? What I’m telling you is neither is the parent looking at as a blackmail. Nor is the parent looking at it as a fault of the child. No, Nathan, they are getting blackmailed if they give in to this. If they just But they correct. They are not but they are not really perceiving it as that my child is trying to blackmail me because the context of blackmail at times is that you may just be giving me a threat to get things done without really meaning it. That’s without meaning it then. See if it is without meaning it. The person has the child. The difference the difference between a black male and what we talking about is the parent also realizes there is a bigger issue in the back end. Mhm. The only thing that I’m kind of bringing out is at times it’s not that parents agree because parents feel that my child is blackmailing me. At times parents agree because they realize there’s a background story there’s a bigger problem. If if it was as simple as he’s just trying to blackmail me or she’s just trying to blackmail me. Excellent. Then would you recommend them to agree with the child and just give in? I am asking you what in that moment should they do the strategies for me right now I will not be able to give strategies clinically that’s where you come in NIH my area is how am I able to orient my thought process here in the sense that being able to see that first and foremost have this conversation with own self this is a symptom rather than the problem the when my child is saying that I have I will kill myself or something instead of seeing this as a child doing this to me or communicating this to me I have to be able to see this is symptomatic of something deeper which you have also agreed with right and obviously I’m not debating you right I’m like taking so the reason so the reason I’m actually bringing this up to you because many of times parents have those questions that you know I Because there are two parts, right? There are short run because that is immediate. No. Yes. Now in my point is what do you do after? So what’s that? Okay. First and foremost if it is a moment of truth moment of truth in the sense such an at that point this is a conversation. I’m in that conversation. My kid is in front of me. He came to me. I told him bet is not a good idea. I have seen a lot of reports and things like that. It is dangerous. No can do. I will not allow my son to go. My son heard this and like how can you do this to me? Um this will be the end of the world for me. All my friends are going. It’s my career you are playing with. How can you do this to me? I I I would rather kill myself than than spend more one more year in this hellhole. Right? My first response isn’t okay then fine go to Kota. What my response will beings you have thought of there seems to be a lot that is in there in your mind. Can we talk about this for some time? I would like to know what you are thinking here. I want to know where this is coming from and I want to do the best I can to help you because whatever your end goal may be, you are essentially saying you want to have a good career, you want to have good friends, you want to have a great relationship. All of these things is what I’ve heard. I want you to have the same too. Awesome. So just to summarize this for everyone who’s watching us, one of the reasons why we’re having this conversation is also for uh parents and in this context right now parents to recognize how things can be slightly different from the way they are right now. Right? So many a times when a child tells us I want to go or I want to commit suicide. In our head we also get stuck between these are the only two choices and then we are trying to convince the child why going is a bad idea and the child is trying to convince us why going is a good idea and if I don’t go I’ll commit suicide. So now what Sachin is saying is at this moment don’t complete it if the child is giving you a threat. It’s not necessary that you tell the child that in that moment just have an explorative conversation with the child. Maybe not even without an agenda of whether going to Kota is right or wrong. You have witnessed that the child has a very important strong feelings about going to Kota and Kota is just an example over here but we spoken about it we’re taking that as a reference. So rather than trying to prove to the child that the child is wrong or trying to or rather than trying to agree with the child because you want the child to not act on their threat, it may be a good idea for you to go on an explorative journey with the child. Ask certain questions. Listen to the child to understand where is this information coming from? What is compelling the child to say something like this? Once you understand this, then you will probably have better clarity about how to proceed from here. I at least from my point of view, I’m still not saying whether you should send the child to Kota or not. Exactly. That decision agreeing with them. Correct. It’s about it’s about exploring where is this amount of intensity coming from. just saying that teenagers like we are we are using some tropes to uh get away from some actual work that needs to be done in that relationship. Right? And the point is yes I’m unaware right now. I may feel unequipped right now. I may feel unskilled right now. I may feel very challenged that I’m have having to have some really awkward uh scary weird whatever way you want to call such conversations with my child, right? Who I was used to dictating and now I’m having to have a very adult conversation with them and I don’t know the ABC of this conversation. I mean like how offensive, how chill, how formal, how informal. There’s so many things we don’t have scope for. The point is all of this can be managed right but the point that that conversation that needs to happen between this is irreplaceable this communication that needs to happen between them which is honest and where that help can be provided this is irreplaceable and even if there is no mental health professional in there but if this conversation if you’re not able to have properly where the child is able to talk about their pain we are We are just on the surface. So the only thing that I’m adding to this with what Sachin has said and how he has elaborated on this is this that even when you’re having a conversation see we began this conversation with the idea that why are you sending the child to ka right which at times which at times presupposes that that decision is necessarily a wrong decision. Now the reason why this is important, why am I bringing this up is because as parents if you’re having a conversation with the child starting from this as your premises, right? You will not listen to what the child is saying because you still have an agenda in your mind that you’re trying to convince the child for and the child can see through it. Yeah. In fact, like instead of Kota, just let’s call it classes, right? Any classes, let it be in your own city. If they are going for educational sometime you are adding another eight hours of study time in their day whatever ritual if you’re going to do it why what would compel you to do that correct and correct and when you are doing this what my suggestion would be don’t start from a point where you want to tell the child that you don’t need to do that it’ll create stress and problems and therefore you need to avoid it what I’m requesting all of you is just have a conversation with the child to understand why is this so important for the child. Maybe just maybe during the conversation the child will realize that I have probably given more importance to this than it needs to have or you would realize why that is so important for the child and then what else can we work around with so that the child can focus on this that’s also possibility right that there are other pressures that the child has this becomes an added pressure at times I don’t want to it would be better for the child to not take up the added pressure At other times if this is so important we may need to deise strategies so that the child can address the existing pressure so that they are no longer as much of a problem as the cumulative pressure would be. So when you are on that explorative journey with the child you are willing to listen to them without an agenda in your mind. The agenda can evolve over a period of time. Right? And the point is as a parent maybe one of the jobs that you may have or responsibilities you have is being able to help the child see that this is how goal setting works right that this is how for you to continue to learn and explore and grow. It’s not just about learning one one uh uh uh new age or whatever the world is currently calling uh the Amrit and everyone is running behind it. Instead if we are able to acknowledge the fact that my child needs to have a holistic learning like a simple question well like Nithan when you were growing up when at that young age five six years of age what did you want to grow up and be right everyone and usually the whatever job the person is I’m like if I’m talking to a parent here my question to them is as a 5year-old 7year-old 10 year old is this the job profession or whatever as a lifetime thing that you had seen yourself as doing? No. Is that what your parents had seen you as doing? No. Is it what? Nothing. Nobody. Did your parents think that you would be a failure? Yes. That was their constant fear. Are you doing a job and somehow managing your family? Yes. Can you complain? Is there any complaint about that? Are you doing the adult job that you were expected to fail at? Are you doing it? Yes, you are. Your child will too. Right. The point however is do they have the right skills and resources that will help them in the future. It may not be a very job centric approach that we can have for a child. What we will need to have is that physical health. If a child is able to take care of learns how to take care of their physical health if there they know how to take care of their mental health that means I know when I’m exhausted I need to rest. I know when I’m need to stimulate I curiosity I need to explore you know. Third, my emotional health. Do I know how to release my pentup emotions? Am I able to express them out? Am I able to distinguish reality from facts when feelings or emotional turmoils uh come in? And how do I how do I manage them effectively? How what are the coping mechanisms I have introduced in my life that helps me okay when I feel angry, what can I do? So these things is there is does the child know this? Fourth, does the child know how to make friends? It’s very simple question, right? No, but does the child know how to make friends? That means does the child know how to make a relationship? And second, do they know how to maintain that relationship? Because a relationship will involve transactions. They will involve confusions, misunderstandings, fights, all of these things. Does the child learn how to navigate these things? If they know these four things, I believe they will survive. They can survive. If I have at least one friend Nithan, I will not go hungry, right? I know I will survive. So, so before we go ahead, yes, please. Yeah, let me just summarize this for all of you, right? It’s important. So, there are few components that we are discussing. The first is as children if they are making a compelling choice whether the choice is right or wrong is still a separate issue. If they’re making a compelling choice which has a potential to create additional stresses in their life right and if it’s their choice then sit with them talk to them understand them uh listen to them without an agenda and then see how it evolves. If you as a parent are making the choice for the child because there’s also possibility that the parents out of their fear are compelling the child. Okay. So if you are in that space then what Sachin mentioned that whether they do XY Z or not there’s still a potential for them to live a decently good life. Okay. It may not be by necessarily doing a particular type of course. It may not be by necessarily becoming a part of a particular type of an educational institute but in the world at least that we are living in today there are multiple roots available to achieve that kind of a life. So be open as parents to also explore that option and not be stuck in the idea that my parents wanted me to do this and I want my child to do this. So that’s the second part that if the child is not making the choice you are making the choice please keep this in mind. Third, irrespective of whether you are making a choice or the child is making a choice, there are certain life skills which are mandatory and if you can ensure that the child has the ability to develop those skills then whatever decision they are making whether they go to Kota, whether they go to institute X, whether they try to appear for the most difficult competitive exams and eventually fail or succeed if they have those primary life skills. Then you will realize that their ability to actually make good of them, their ability to manage their mental states, their ability to not get sucked into this all or nothing thinking of where if I don’t succeed then I’ll end my life. All of that will be far more manageable and will be easier for the child to also take care of. Right? And this part of the conversation that has been brought up is extremely important that identify what those life skills are. You can look at technical skills. Technical skills can keep evolving. What was important 3 years ago may not be important today. So if your focus is too much on technical skills, okay, it may work for you in the short run, but may not work for you in the long run. If your focus is on those basic life skills that the child needs to have, the child will adapt to whatever technical skills are required in the mood. Such an I hope I have summarized this. Yes. Yes. Beautifully as as well. And I think this was regarding the addressing the environment right how a child’s environment is in today’s world. and uh and there are I think this itself that we can have like two three uh hours of conversation because as I’m you know delving more and more into these conversations I would like to also maybe talk about how the the world that children students are experiencing there is a second component a digital world as well now there is a duality in their existence right so on this today I miss Baba were discussing Um so I mentioned right that we have we are doing these series of talks with rotary and so on. So um our Rotary club and our Rotary district together today had a event where there was a school where there was a talk on tobacco awareness. Uh and MBA was mentioning the that when they were talking to the principal the job of the principal in the world today is so incredibly insanely complex. Mhm. This is a school for marginalized society for children who are not necessarily coming from a very affluent society. Middle class, lower middle class, lower low class would be the and the principal is saying that even these students their parents have given them mobile phones. They form their own small small groups in those groups the kind of discussions they are having and even if we know it we can’t punish them because we are worried if we punish them they will do what happens to us okay h just the information overload and the the amount of place the way the environment is right now where there’s so much information that is available readily it’s spread so quickly eders don’t have the sensibility to cross check whether that WhatsApp information is correct or not so imagine what’s happening with children and how it’s impacting them so that intellectual laziness right I mean it it is the digital world I mean I think maybe we should pick this up as the next topic itself and maybe we can have it. Um I I I I I call digital world as the kalyug. Uh the what when we keep on talking about kalyuga kaluga. What does kalug mean? Kalyug is your digital world. Ahankar has got its own little playground in the form of a digital space. So uh definitely we are talking about that and the rules of the engagement are completely different. We are facing an pandemic of addiction especially where research has shown that in the next two to three years uh digital addiction is going to overshadow alcohol addiction in India. Um and this is just in the next two to three years. Nimhance is already struggling with uh they have already got a a center for uh digital deiction but uh the times are scary in terms of I feel today’s call I mean I think we may be able to end it around on this subject itself but I would like us to as a as two of us to address some of these topics right this digital world what is this looking like for the people I would like to also talk about maybe use of drugs And uh we are seeing a rise in cases of personality or psychotic disorders increasing amongst youth. Uh by 21 22 23 we are seeing an increased number of cases of schizophrenia um and OCD uh and many such disorders as well. So can we look into having these conversations to present what does the ground reality look like and our video essentially uh can also look at in terms of advising in these these challenges like we had the conversation today okay it was a very specific unique conversation what do I do when my child is saying I want to kill myself if you don’t do this right and we can have it as a conversation like just like that this this is the I think actually that’s a very good idea the only thing for all of you are watching us right or the ones who will watch us later. The only thing is this particular topic we will probably move to the IA support foundation channel rather than the IAS channel because it’s more suited to that particular platform. But I’m up for having a more detailed we can actually all of these topics you’ve told me right now. We can actually break break them down. we can see if we can have a individual session on each of those topics or in some cases the topics are smaller probably we can combine a couple of topics together but like literally have a series which revolves around all of this right so I think I have a few of these challenges like as statements right or this is what is not happening or any of these especially common mythical statements let’s address them as well and I think we can ask the uh ask um our audience as well to uh recommend any such things thoughts that they are facing. What is it? What is the challenge that they are facing and we can try to give our perspective on it um as openly and obviously our support systems are always available. You can definitely reach out to us and uh do this over an email or a call as well. So uh but for today I think there’s a wonderful takeaway regarding the environment about what we are looking how far are we looking and how much of it are we operating out of fear itself. Yes, Nathan from your side what your So in the end what I’m going to say is because at the end of this video once the video is done I will circulate this video amongst different groups of people for those of you who are going to watch us after this video is over. My request to you please uh comment and tell us what are the specific topics that you would like to dis you would like us to discuss in this area. Like Sachin mentioned, if you have specific questions, it was intentional on my part today to have that one conversation, one question related to that specific instance because I know there are a lot of parents who get stuck over there, right? And we want to be able to address those kind of issues which are very precise, very specific and yet they give you a gateway into what to do next. So if you share with us specific scenarios, specific questions, it may also give us ideas about how to frame this conversation, what topics to take up which can benefit all of you and obviously help us and expand our understanding and our learning as well. So that’s a request. Um I hope you have enjoyed this conversation that we have had. This has been a different conversation compared to the kind of conversation we have had earlier, right? But that’s also because the nature of the conversation the topic is different. I hope you will let us know about this and we will take this forward into a complete series in itself. Maybe the next four five episodes that we will have conversations that we’ll have will be dedicated to topics revolving around this second. Does it work? Perfect. I mean looking forward to it. I have so much more to rant over. Are you looking forward to it? Are you looking forward? See, so the good thing about lives is so you know I keep saying this to Miss and this is my suggestion to almost all our students who have been trained by us. I keep encouraging them do lives and they keep asking me but how does it help? My point is so let’s take this example right we have had a conversation we have a 1 hour worth of material I can just share this material with someone in my team and they can repurpose into content for multiple things right plus I don’t really have to prepare for this we having a conversation so imagine the amount of time I end up saving at the end because of this one hour conversation that we have had so I am up for all kinds of conversations that are required because eventually it really helps me save my time in the long run. There you go. And for me, it’s selfish and I get to just learn something a bit more nuanced, a bit more deeper. I’m I’m able to push that boundary a bit more. So, I’m always feel I I feel energized after every such session. So, uh bring on the controversies, bring on the problematic things, bring on the awkward weird conversations that are lack missing in our life but really are uh re have reached a point where we cannot be ignored anymore. So let’s let’s those get those conversations out in the open. Let’s address try to see what are the perspectives or lenses that are on function here and see how we can uh maybe the solution or the way to go through it isn’t really that difficult. I’m not saying it is easy easy by any means. But is it impossible? I I would like to you know challenge that. So I hope um we are able to uh you know do more justice and I think uh our thoughts will be a bit more organized if we have kind of put it down to such small chunks of topics. So really excited Nathan. Catch you next time. Thank you everyone. I’ll close the stream now and then I look forward to seeing you again next week. I think next week we will have a conversation on the same platform but it will be with teamicon on some topic related to uh which focuses on therapists and helping them develop their skills and then next week on next to next week onwards we probably move this particular topic to the support foundation channel. Thank you. Good night. Bye-bye. Medicare.

In this deeply insightful conversation, Nitin Shah (ICHARS) and Sachin Gaur (Connect Hut) come together to unpack the complex and often overlooked realities of student mental health.

We address:
✅ The psychological pressure of academic expectations
✅ The emotional toll of competitive environments like Kota
✅ Myths and misconceptions about student behavior
✅ How trauma, anxiety, and fear manifest in students
✅ What parents, educators, and institutions can do to create safe, supportive spaces

💔 Don’t miss the powerful segment at 20:55, where we explore how to respond when a child says:
“Send me to Kota or I’ll end my life.”

🎯 Whether you’re a parent, teacher, counselor, or student—this video is a must-watch to understand, empathize, and act effectively. Let’s break the stigma around mental health in education.

📢 Subscribe for more conversations on mental health, therapy, and real-life transformation.

#StudentMindMatters #MentalHealthAwareness #KotaPressure #EmotionalWellbeing #ICHARS #ConnectHut #Parenting #TherapyTalks #ichars