Depression and Stigma in Mental Health Care

Depression and Stigma in Mental Health Care

you were a very successful PR person uh you were representing famous clients like Eddie Murphy um Anita Baker Janet Jackson and you were also really deeply unhappy and for many many years you avoided um a very serious depression why was it so hard for you to admit that you were seriously depressed I didn’t have language for it I um I knew excuse me I didn’t have language for it but I I knew what I knew was that I would wake up um I hated to see daylight come because I knew that daylight meant that I would have to be somebody that I really really wasn’t that I would have to um pretend that I was fine when I was really dying on the inside but I just I really didn’t have language and um I am as you mentioned a you know C certified social worker and clinical therapist but I didn’t it escaped me so you did have that background though yeah I did I mean I went to I took psychology and sociology colleges uh courses in undergrad and then I went to got my master science degree in social work but I have no language oh okay yeah get for the social workers and so what were you telling yourself what were you telling yourself when you would uh you you just describe coming home from you know going to fancy parties and film screenings and press press events and then coming home and and crying more and crying and just could um morning was the most difficult time for me was to to wake up and to know that I was going to have to put this mask on and pretend that I was fine when I when I wasn’t um it it was very very I just I had no even though I studied about this I didn’t have the language for for me and that was what was most really really difficult for me I just didn’t um there my family I think my family had a lot to do with it we weren’t very touchy Fe kinds of people um my mother in fact this is really kind of a quick as side but um I’m 60 now but my mother I took her to an event where a friend of mine who was suffering from depression depression as a Minister and she she spoke and she had the whole church there was a male choir and these guys after listening to her just wept everybody in the church was like weeping and my mother who’s really not touchy Philly she grabbed she grabbed my hand all right it’s it’s just it’s a little emotional because um the hardest thing was not being able to communicate how I was feeling to my parents so when she grabbed my hand I knew she finally understood what I was going through and this was even after the book was written and I did a lot of speaking still didn’t grasp it till she heard this woman and saw the reaction of her you you know what I’m talking about right so it’s it was it was just amazing and it still moves me when I think about it because it’s like she finally freaking got it you know but that was off your question right okay this was better this [Applause] was and so and so what happened then did you did you feel a sense of Freedom a sense of I said I definitely felt a sense of Freedom you know some friends uh knocked on the door I wasn’t answering the door got me to a psychiatrist and um I went there and I just sat in her in the chair and I just literally just started weeping and she said you’re clinically depressed and I was like oh well I was going to say oh but I could say that to y’all y’all y’all heard maybe I wasn’t supposed to say that for but anyway I was like it just dawned it just dawned on me it just it so much opened up for me to realize it had a name and that there was help for me that’s what really started things you know for me and even in in my work environment you know to at a certain point in time two of my staff people came to me and told me that they wanted to give me a trip somewhere because they really kind of felt that I was unraveling I did have the pressure of um you know representing you know some of the people who were the biggest at what they did in the world and so I just didn’t feel a lot I was working working working working working working didn’t have time to feel you know yes how um so your your book that you have in your lap is called impart black pain so how do you believe the black experience contributes to well or do you believe it contributes to depression and mental illness in general I think to be to be a black person especially a black man in America is not an easy thing to do an easy way to be um that’s that’s what I think and the book is entitled black paint it just looks like we’re not hurting um and I know that so many of us are not uh familiar with the language I know many of my colleagues who will say that they can’t go to said staff meeting why because these are some of my white friends I’ll just say that up front they’ll say they can’t go to said staff meeting whatever why because they’re going to see their therapist meanwhile it’s cuz it’s a sense of Freedom y’all know what I’m talking about but we lie some of us lie I know people who who go say that they’re going to see their the person for their allergies when they’re really going to see their therapist so it’s not something that we’re comfortable with because we don’t believe in so many of us don’t believe in talking about our problems or airing your dirty laundry um and so that’s why I wrote this book because I knew that we needed to position it in a certain way so that we would understand and the reality is helping people to understand that um all of us inherit the unresolved pain wounds trauma and scars of our parents it’s like it’s not a good thing or a bad thing is just what is um and so I I just wanted to say something in everyday language so you you would get it that if you there’s so many of our kids who are are an adults as well who see somebody shot and killed or stabbed right in front of them and they get up and go to work or school the next day like they didn’t just see that I just talked to a woman rescue the other day whose home had been burglarized and she hadn’t been to see a therapist never never occurred to her I was like run like your life depends on it you know so I think it’s it’s just it’s it’s creating a a sanctuary I speak at a lot of Corporations and I speak to um just a lot of people in general to just share what the signs are what what it looks like what it feels like what it sounds like um and creating a safe space for people to take a layer of their mask off and share their stories I think that what I don’t know if the first first lady you still here no I just I totally totally commend what you’re doing because it’s at the root of everything that we hear about it’s at the very mental illness you know just depression whatever whatever it is it’s it’s the root course cause cause of everything we’re nothing without our mental and emotional health absolutely nothing and you wrote this article in essence I did yes I forgot about that that’s what happened one day and what was the response to it it was just no it was really it was it was amazing I just this I heard this voice of God said that you have to share your story I was on a panel somewhere and I just spoke out loud that I suffered from depression and it was truly it was just an amazing experience the then Essence editor and chief was stunned to hear that I suffered from depression she asked me if I would share my story and I didn’t think twice and I was very I I just reread it recently and I was very I was stunned at how honest I was about it because I was really wearing that mask dying on the inside pretending to be fine and so over 10,000 people responded to that article like girl you’re walking down my street best friends didn’t know family members didn’t know but they told me and so that’s when I knew that it was necessary to create this safe space for people to take a layer of the mask off and share what it is you’re going with going through we’re all we’re all walking that fine line all everybody in this room you know you’re walking the fine line right yeah I just wanted to make sure you knew well thank you very much for sharing your story [Applause]

Terri Williams, author of “Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting,” discusses her experience with clinical depression and stigma around mental health issues with reporter Cindy Rodriguez. This event took place on Thursday, March 26, 2015 at the Schomburg Center for Research into Black Culture in New York City.

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