Common OCD Mistakes Most Make

Common OCD Mistakes Most Make

Hello everybody. How are you all doing? In this video, I will be discussing common mistakes on the OCD journey and what I see as a coach and some of the many mistakes that I made on my own particular journey. Now, in no particular order, I’m going to read out 17 different common mistakes that I often see. Number one, setting a time frame on recovery. Placing a deadline on when you should be better, when you should be recovered, when you should feel better. That is a slippery slope that allows fear of fear to lock in and really dig its heels in because you are waiting for OCD to budge. I’m afraid OCD recovery will take as long as it’s going to take. So, please refrain from putting any time frame, any dead deadline on how long it takes to get better. Any more pressure you place on yourself, the harder it is to actually get better and OCD heightens its intensity. Number two, staying with a therapist who’s giving you reassurance because they don’t want to show you tough love and you are opting for what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear. And always ask yourself, are you making the desired progress? Are you going around in circles? Are you seeing longl lasting sustainable change, sustainable progress with your mental health and your OCD? If you are not, then it could be an issue with the person you are speaking to. And that is not me downplaying anyone that you are speaking to. I’m sure they are very well-intentioned. But the reality is OCD is a very complex disorder and it is often misunderstood. So you want to be making sure that you are getting the right help and you are speaking to somebody that understands obsessive compulsive disorder and ultimately how to get better from it. Number three, point blank refusal to give up reassurance compulsions even when you know yourself that reassurance is keeping you stuck. Even when you know full well that the compulsions that you are engaging with and that you are performing is keeping the OCD cycle fueled, keeping it locked up, uh keeping it intense, keeping it keeping that OCD fire burning. We like to say even when you know that the compulsions are fueling that and you are refusing to give them up, that is a huge mistake that we see. We know that it’s not easy to cut compulsions, but you must remember that it gets to a stage where you have to think, hang on a moment. These compulsions, no matter how hard they are to cut, they are keeping me stuck. They are keeping me locked in this OCD cycle. So therefore, I’m going to have to make a change. I’m going to have to make an adjustment to what I do with my behaviors here. Keep performing compulsions, you’re going to stay stuck with obsessive compulsive disorder. Compulsions fuel the compulsive cycle. Number four, lack of consistency and discipline towards recovery. Halfheartedly trying to get better, not lasting out, not reading the books um in a consistent fashion, not remaining disciplined. Maybe two weeks you’re all in trying to get better and then you think, “Oh, you know what? I’m not really going to last out. I’m going to just give it up now.” now and then pick it up later. That’s not consistent. And you’re going to need a lot of discipline. You’re going to need a lot of commitment towards getting better because OCD is a very stubborn, resilient, and also relentless disorder. So, it’s going to it will require lots of consistent hard work and disciplined persistence towards getting better. Number five, mistaken acceptance with agreement. A common mistake that I see, a mistake that I made when I tried to apply unconditional selfife and other acceptance. I kept confusing it with agreement and excusing and justifying especially when you’ve got sort of taboo fears or guilt and shame related fears. It did scare me thinking, well, hang on a minute. If I apply acceptance here, does that mean I’m trying to agree with my worst case scenario or agree with my core fears? No, it’s not that at all. Acceptance isn’t agreement. Very important to remember that. Um so that is a common mistake that I see and people falling on the first hurdle by saying no I can’t apply acceptance. Oh my god it might mean agreement or it means agreement. No it doesn’t mean agreement at all. Acceptance and agreement are two very different things. And it’s important to recognize that when we try to apply it. expecting a quick fix, looking for an instant change in our mindset, in our feelings, in our recovery. Doesn’t work like that. You know, you can’t just suddenly get better. There’s no quick cure. There’s no sudden fix. It’s not instant, I’m afraid. What you’re trying to do is build mental stability. You’re working on your emotional health. You just happen to have OCD, which makes that very hard. It makes it very difficult. There’s lots of roadblocks along the way. And when you’ve got a doubting disorder, it makes everything feel real. It makes your worst fears feel real. So, it’s very hard, you know, to deal with that, of course, as we all know. But we can’t expect a quick fix. You’ve got to try and view it as a marathon, not a sprint. It’s something that’s going to take as long as it’s going to take, but it’s certainly going to take time. You can make great progress within a short space of time. You really, really can. But you’ve always got to have one eye on the future and think, you know what, this is a long-term project. It’s a lifetime project. doesn’t mean you’re going to be stuck forever during your whole life. But I’m just trying to say you’ve got to view it as a long term because you’re always going to be working on your mental health regardless. Same as, you know, you’re going to be working on your physical health in life for the rest of your life. Mental health, yes, you can recover, of course, but mental health will have to be prioritized throughout your life. So trying to expect a quick fix with your mental health just isn’t going to work, okay? Especially when you’ve got a stubborn disorder such as OCD. Okay? Remembering it’s not a quick fix. So, please drop that expectation. Next one, skimming through the books, trying to rush your way to recovery without taking in the information and the advice on board. Something that I see a lot, you know, I say, “Hey, look, here are the reading list. How’s it going?” And you can tell it’s just being skimmed, whether that’s an audio book or an ebook. Um, what we want you doing is the physical copy, sat down in a chair, taking it in, highlighting, making notes, and just trying to take that information on board. You can’t force it to go in. Um, I know when you read for the first time, it’s very hard when you’ve got OCD because OCD is blocking that. It’s hard to concentrate. It’s hard to focus. I get all that. I suffered with that myself. Um, but it’s very important that we’re sat down, taken in page by page, trying to take the information on board and allowing it to go in naturally. Um, you can’t force it. There’ll be times where it just doesn’t go in. Yeah, that’s fine. You just got to go on to the next page and keep going. But as soon as you start getting into that skimming habit where you just skip through it, you skip through it. Just sort of looking for snippets, looking for just quick fixes and a magic sentence, looking for a tip, you know, look, oh, I found a tip here on page 56. No, it doesn’t work like that. You know, you you’re going to have to take the long course. You know, play the long game here. You know, get through the books. We take our time. We get the books done. Let’s recap them. Let’s go through over them again. Let’s let’s run through them because each time you read these books, they’re going to make a lot more sense. They’re going to go in a lot more. Things are going to be gradually clicking into place behind the scenes. Please don’t skim them. Please don’t skim them. They’re not books to be skimmed. Any lifesaving book or lifech changing book like ours on our reading list, it’s not going to be a dot to dot book. Not going to be a novel. It’s not going to be a color and in book. It’s going to be something that’s going to take real grit, real grind. You know, when I got through the myth of self-esteem for the first time, that’s the third book on our reading list, by the way. That was a real slog. It was a real slog because I wasn’t used to reading books that were that meaty, you know, that indepth. But that book changed my life. I even go as far as saying it saved my life, right? Looking at unconditional self-acceptance, seeing how, you know, the good and bad people concept is all just a self-created philosophy and how it was getting me into so much emotional distress. how self-esteem was my greatest disturbance to me personally, you know, chasing this self-esteem rather than going towards self-acceptance. And I think it’s the greatest disturbance known to humans chasing self-esteem rather than opting for self-acceptance in an unconditional way because I think that leads to much healthier results emotionally. Um, so no more skimming. You know, it’s going to take time. Can’t rush it, but persist with the books. Please, please, please persist with the books. All that we teach here on these videos in a one-to-one course are all the foundations of the books that you read. Yes, we tailor it for OCD of course, but all the meat and gravy. In other words, all the vital information that you need are in these books that I want you reading and not skimming. Next one, opting for avoidance rather than confronting a fear. Choosing short-term comfort over long-term progress. huge mistake. Oh, you know what? I’m going to opt to avoid that because I’m already triggered right now. I can’t face a fear anymore. I’m going to put off my exposures until I feel ready. Until tomorrow, until another day. You’re never going to feel ready. It’s never going to be the right time. And tomorrow never arrives. Got to be focused on doing it now. And how can I face a fear today if I want to get better? Okay. Yes, we have to experience some high anxiety, some spikes in uncomfortable emotions, but we’ve got to have one eye on the bigger picture. And that bigger picture is where you want to be in the long run. Do you want to be recovered or do you want to just stay stuck opting for short-term comfort, which is an absolute trap and an illusion anyway? Even if it’s a short-term comfort, how short term, you know, it gets more temporary day by day. You know, even when I was opting for avoidance, I OCD never used to deliver me the comfort. It never used to deliver, you know, on its promise that, oh, you know, if you avoid this, then you’ll be at peace. No, because OCD would weave, it would morph, it would switch, it would weave in and out of different fears, and I’ll be back chasing comfort once again. Okay? So, there gets to a point where we think, you know what, I’m going to have to confront a fear. I have to go eye into the storm. I’m going to have to jump into the fire and face this fear head on if I want long-term progress and sustainable recovery with OCD. and just a stable mental health. Not attending regular sessions. That’s another mistake that I see on the OC journey. Now, this isn’t a sales pitch, but let’s be realistic here. You’re going to find it incredibly difficult to make sustainable progress without the guidance of a coach from somebody that’s been there and gone through the journey themselves. Just walk the path to recovery to themselves. We’re now guiding you. you’re going to find it incredibly difficult if you’re not attending regular sessions or just not coming in at all. Um, and even when you’re doing well, you’d have to come in all the time. I’m not saying you have to be in every week regardless. No, you know, you can come in monthly or or bi-weekly, but let’s be realistic. Regular sessions will be key, okay? Because OCD is so relentless. It’s so sneaky. It’s very subtle. Has many subtle variations and nuances to it and how it sneaks through the back door. How it can suddenly catch you off guard with the realness factor. Okay, remember I’m not trying to sell you this, you know, come on in now. Now, but I’m just being realistic with you. If you want to get better from OCD, you’re going to have to be consistent with your sessions, with your recovery work, with your tools, because this is no roll over of a disorder. It doesn’t just roll over because you want to get better. You’re going to have to show real grit, real grind, real determination, and ultimately consistency. And that applies to sessions. Now, us as coaches, we spot mistakes. We heed the warning signs. We keep you on track to recovery, especially when complacency sets in and cockiness and laziness, thinking you’re out of the woods, thinking you’re almost invincible. Something that I did felt like, “Oh no, OCD won’t bother me now. Don’t be silly. I’m doing really well.” Common mistake. OCD will then boom, hit me with a sucker punch out of nowhere. Okay, so we’re there, especially when your complacency is set in, which it probably will because it happens to most people or you think, “Yeah, I’m out of the woods. I’m I’m I’m I’m in the clear. I’m in the clear. I’m free from OCD. Doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate your wins and so on, but let’s be realistic. OCD is very crafty. It’s looking to catch you off guard and it’s looking to attack you moving forward until we’re into a really good place of recovery where we are calling the shots to our life and OCD is firmly in the back seat like it is for me and all the coaches here. Okay. So, not attending regular sessions is a huge problem. mild wishy-washy disputing. And just going on back to my last point, if we don’t attend regular sessions, that opens the door for coasting. And when we coast, that opens another door for huge setbacks because that leads to complacency and you think you’re out of the woods. But then usually OCD hits you with a setback or huge relapse out of nowhere. And then you want a session right now, right this second now. Now, help help. That that’s not going to work. Okay? It needs to be regular. You need to be consistent to prevent those major setbacks after coasting. Okay. So cool. So mild wishywashy disputing. No real conviction behind the belief work. Doing it because you have to rather than doing it because you see the real benefits of changing your thinking. Okay. Something that I see a lot just saying, “Sam, I’ve done the disputing. What’s the next thing?” Yeah, but have you have you just done it because I’ve told you to do it? Or are you doing it because you’re seeing real advantages from changing your thinking? Are you really being thorough? Are you being indepth? Are you really challenging your beliefs and your core fears or you just doing it like a tickbox exercise because I’ve told you to do it? There’s a big difference there. Okay, that’s a common mistake. Wishy-washy disputing, soft disputing, powerless disputing. Next one, refusing to take risks regarding worst case scenario. Constantly opting for the safe side of caution. Remember, when you start putting in the recovery work, it feels reckless. It feels like, “Oh my god, I’m being super risky here. Um, oh my god, what if I go past the point of no return? What if I cross the line? What as if this one haunts me forever? That’s how it’s going to feel. Um, if you’re not willing to take the chance and that leap of faith into the unknown, OCD is going to stay locked on and you’re going to stay in all that safety and control compulsions and you’re going to stay locked on with OCD because OCD will require that leap of faith. If you want to recover, you’re going to have to take a risk. You’re going to have to take a chance into the unknown, into the wilderness, I like to call it. Head off into the wilderness. You don’t know what’s around the corner. be willing to experience it all and face the turbulent ride that is OCD recovery journey. Okay? Got to be willing to take that risk. Otherwise, we’re going to stay stuck. Putting life on hold until you recover. That’s a very common mistake. Waiting until you’re symptom free or symptomless before you start living your life or pursuing a life objective. It’s very important that you’re living your life regardless of how you feel. That is absolutely critical. I cannot stress that enough. I cannot highlight the importance of that enough. Go and live your life. Even if you feel anxious, even if you feel guilt and shame, even if you feel panicky, even if you feel like even if OCD is bombarding you, it’s very important that we’re living life on our terms and at least trying to focus on our passions, our interests, our hobbies, our careers, our relationships, our life goals, our life objectives, and moving our life forward in the direction that we want to go in rather than going, “Oh, no. I’ll do that once I’m recovered. I’ll do that once this anxiety is gone. That is a trap and OCD has got you right where it wants you if you take that approach. You want to be living life with OCD there and not putting life on hold. Very key. Letting anger get the better of you and ignoring the importance of building a frustration tolerance. Okay, frustration tolerance is absolutely key as is discomfort tolerance. A lot of this journey is sitting with shitty feelings, sitting with discomfort, sitting with anxiety, feeling like So if your tolerance to if your tolerance towards discomfort and frustration is very low, that’s going to show because we’ve got to look to increase that as we get better because this is a very frustrating journey. It’s a very confusing journey at times. It’s a very isolating journey and it’s very uncomfortable journey. So our tolerance needs to be built. And if we’re just letting anger get the better of us and getting angry all the time and pissed off and off, excuse my language, and frustrated all the time, then you know that’s going to breed OCD suffering and it’s going to fuel the OCD cycle. So, you’ve got to really look to build that tolerance, see why we’re getting angry, look to tackle those beliefs, but ultimately look to wear all the discomfort and all the frustration that comes along the way. That is key. You’re not going to recover from OCD if your tolerance towards frustration and discomfort is low. Um, I don’t know anybody that’s recovered from OCD or got to a very good stage in their journey with a low tolerance. You’re going to have to keep building it again and again and again and building that momentum as you go along. Next one. Disregarding the significance of a healthy lifestructure. Trying to recover the lazy or easy way. There ain’t such a thing. There is no such thing of recovering the easy way. You can have to show real grit, real grind. Recovery is a real slog at times. Just pushing through. And life structure is very key. Life structure can save your life. You know, even if you’re having a real tough time and you’re keeping up with healthy distractions, you got a good solid foundation in place with your life structure. Getting up in the morning nice and early, going to the gym, exercising, eating well, seeing friends, socializing, dating in a relationship, spending time, investing energy in that relationship, your hobbies, passions, interests, all these different things you’ve got going for you. OCD is is tough. You know, it’s brutal at times. It doesn’t back down. It’s hitting you hard a lot of the time, right? It’s it’s pummeling away in the background and at the forefront as well. So, if you don’t have a healthy life structure with those with no healthy distractions, you’re going to find it very difficult to get through those tough days efficiently. So you want to be building a life structure, one that’s healthy for you, regardless of how you feel. Very key. Don’t disregard the significance of a healthy life structure. Very important. Completely going missing and not taking recovery seriously. I see that a lot. People that are maybe doing well or making or seeing signs of progress initially after about three or four calls, then completely going off the face of the earth, going off the radar. Where have you gone? Right? Doesn’t mean you have to be in all the time. I’m not saying that at all. Remember, this is not a sales pitch, but let’s be realistic here. OCD does not back down just because you made some small signs of progress. If you go missing, then OC’s OCD is going to hit you harder. And I see that a lot where somebody wants to come back in for a session right now, right this second, they want to see me now. It’s not always possible. Okay? So, what we got to do is stay consistent, checking in, being active in the WhatsApp groups that we provide, attending webinars, attending one-to-one calls, and just not going missing and taking it seriously. I the analogy that I use there is imagine you’re running a marathon. If you imagine you you sprinted the first mile and then you stopped you led down and you got up and sprinted the second mile and then you led down and you sprinted the three miles and then you led down. That’s you’re not going to get very far doing that are you? That’s too stop start. It’s you know it’s too cho chopping and changy. I don’t like that. You got to be consistent. Take your time. Gradually chip away. We’re here to guide you every step of the way. Don’t just go missing. Don’t just disappear because things are going well. or maybe things are going bad. You think, “No, this isn’t working. I give up and I and I’m not going to bother with any more sessions. I’m just I’m just going to go completely missing and then coming back.” No, you want to be consistent. I know it’s just frustrating when it feels like you’re not making any progress and it feels like you’re just as stuck, but this is all part of the journey. It’s going to take time to see some real changes. I can’t stress that enough. So, please don’t go missing. All right? Stay consistent in your recovery work. um refusing to disengage with the mental solving and replaying. Okay, so still opting to seek certainty, trying to solve, trying to work it out, trying to figure out, trying to get to the bottom of constant engaging with the rumination, trying to figure out, especially with like real event, false memories, trying to get an answer, trying to chase certainty, trying to get control on all these things in the past events and even in future events and even how you feel, sort of chasing everything. just that constant solving in your mind. We’ve got to learn to disengage with that. I know it’s hard. A lot of it’s automatic. I’m aware of that. Hence why the belief work comes into it to bring down the automatic side of this. But it’s going to come down to a lot of you refusing to disengage with the mental solving and replaying. Going to have to look to disengage with that. Otherwise, we’ll carry on solving our whole life and carry on engaging with that mental analysis and just fueling the OC cycle, keeping the OC fire burning. All right? So, no more seeking certainty. We have to get comfortable with uncertainty and roll with the uncertainty of life, especially when you have OCD. And finally, sticking with the thoughts of thoughts approach without tackling the beliefs and behaviors associated to your core fears. Thoughts of thoughts, valid point, but it gets you nowhere. I’m afraid it only gets you so far, and that’s not very far at all. Okay? Yes, a thought is just a thought, but you’ve got to go deeper than that. That isn’t going to cut OCD by just reminding yourself it’s just a thought. It’s going to get you nowhere, I’m afraid. Um, you got to look at why these thoughts scare you. changing the relationship with the thoughts. Looking at the fears, looking at the beliefs associated with those core fears, looking at all the behaviors, the life structure, the compulsions, the avoidance, the reassurance seeking and how that is keeping the OCD cycle stirred up. Okay, hope you’ve enjoyed this video. Um, those common mistakes are just ones that I’ve listed off the top of my head. There will be more. Um, but those are the most common ones that I see and also the mistakes that I made on my own personal recovery journey. Guys, it’s been great speaking to you all. I’m sorry there’s no layout here today. That will make a return in the next video. Um, if you are interested in one-to-one sessions, please email Philoccreovery.com. Harass Phil, bombard Phil with all your emails and all your messages, you got the WhatsApp number in the description of this video and we can get you booked in as soon as we can. We have slots available in August for you. Um, so get in touch and we can certainly book you in. My name is Sam, by the way. Then if I said my name is Sam. Um, we have other coaches here. We have Nick, Rob, Mom, Gemma, and Elliot all doing coaching calls and we can book you in as soon as we can cuz I know slots are going very quickly. And we can help prevent you from making these mistakes as I’ve discussed on this video. Guys, take care, look after yourself, and we’ll speak again. Bye-bye.

OCD is a confusing disorder and so you will make a lot of mistakes on journey, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly.

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