“Menopause Made Me Feel Crazy” — Real Talk About Mood Swings, Divorce & Survival

“Menopause Made Me Feel Crazy” — Real Talk About Mood Swings, Divorce & Survival

We need to survive menopause, right? Get through it in one piece without killing our family members or getting divorced or Right. Right. Or Yeah. I mean, this is serious stuff, right? The stats are staggering for women in pmenopause. The divorce rate is super high and unfortunately the suicide rate is super high. Menopause. It’s like weight gain, mood swings, sleeplessness. For me, seemed like it just was, you know, those are those symptoms. If you have any of those, it could be menopause. I literally feel like I’m going crazy and there’s nobody that understands this. From the minute that I open my eyes, feel like I would be battling my own body. It’s like a roller coaster. It is a nightmare. It’s like living inside a nightmare. At one stage, I thought, am I going crazy? If you have these feelings, please reach out to me. We can help. Welcome to Empower TV, where we leave a legacy of hope through conversations that uplift, educate, and inspire. Listen to incredible stories of people who overcame challenges and barriers. Celebrate victories, learn from setbacks, and push forward together. And you would hear all this torture and then they would shoot. Want to be empowered? Let’s go. Subscribe for more and get this book now. Hello and welcome to Empower TV. My name is Lorna Graing and in studio today we have Darby Kohler. She is a specialized menopause coaching specialist. Darby, welcome and thank you for joining us today. Thank you for having me. So a certified coach, right, for menopause. This is interesting because you think like for thousands of years women have gone through menopause right and we just think I mean what’s up with that like you just go through it suck it up be brave like nobody ever says anything about it but yet now it seems to be quite a hot topic and I am so happy about it because I just started getting like some of these symptoms and I thought I was literally losing my mind. So this is wonderful. Um how Okay, so retract right because I know you had this huge job. Um and tell me how did you get into coaching for menopause? Yeah, let’s start there cuz that’s a really interesting story. So um let’s see. when I ended up moving back to Pennsylvania from Florida. Uh I guess that’s when everything started to um kind of fast forward into the menopause. Um I had gone through mar perry menopause and just had debilitating hot flashes and mood swings and weight gain and it just was crazy and I was like okay this is just something it’s happening right. Yeah, cuz you had this stressful job, right? Like this six figure, you were working with huge contracts. Yes. And in the middle of a presentation in front of really important people, just a big mouth. It was awful, right? It was awful. Yeah. That is crazy. And I mean, previously used to be doing this be fine. Y and and doing it with a smile rather than, you know, a sweat rag. So what happened? Like what how did you realize like this is menopause? So I Essentially, when I went back to uh Pennsylvania, I was given a huge territory and I was just I felt like I was just driving aimlessly, you know, into the day and I and finally I just went home to my husband and I said, I cannot do this anymore. And um I am going to get into health and wellness. I’m going to get my certification for personal training. And so all of this is happening. I’m I’m you know I got a full-time job at a local gym and had really great clients and I am still you know kind of suffering in silence and not knowing. Um I guess the first big red flag was I had um crazy nose bleeds and I yeah I ended up um having uh passing out going to the emergency room. I had anemia from the nose bleeds. I was like um 0004 away from having to have a blood transfusion because of the anemia. So lifethreatening. And this was in the beginning. So this was probably 18. And I ended up um kind of transitioning from the the gym into um promoting uh physical therapy. So it was still health and wellness but it was still um promoting uh movement body uh muscles and just you know uh a better way a healthier way of living and um so is the so back up is the nose bleeds is that a symptom of menopause or allergies are come from allergies. allergies you can and that caused the nose bleed. As you get older, you can contract allergies and so I didn’t know I’d end up having these nose bleeds that would like last forever and I felt like it was forever. It was a lot of blood that I would lose at a time. Wow. And um I went to the local provider and he’s like he said something Laura I just was like appalled. He’s like quit picking your nose. And I’m like are you kidding me? I’m like, “Excuse me, you’re talking to a grown woman here.” So, and I ended up just give you like four or five symptoms like menopause, it’s like weight gain, mood swings, sleeplessness. For me, seemed like it just was, you know, those are the symptoms. If you have any of those, it could be menopause. Suck it up. Be brave. Right. But you’re like getting anemic from nose beds, allergies. And you’re the second person on my studio in in studio that had huge lifethreatening things happen to her and it was actually due to it started with menopause. Her body changed so much and that she got allergic to certain foods and she almost lost her life. Yeah, it was crazy. And then um I had um serious heart palpitations um and I just didn’t know you know maybe it was from uh the anxiety and that came with it um and the the mood swings. It was like what is happening? So, and I here I am, personal trainer, working out, doing my thing, and then wham, all of a sudden, I get I get all these symptoms. Um, and I end up taking on a full-time position. That was again territory, which I absolutely loved. And, um, going back into the gym, I was a little deconditioned. I ended up tearing my meniscus. I ended up having to have a full knee replacement. Oh my goodness. So, this was from an accident, uh, sports accident way back in high school. Yeah. But the biggest thing was is the recovery for me was a lot longer. It was a mental anguish. So, it really brought on the symptoms of menopause like full force. Um, the depression with, you know, not being able to move and, you know, do what I love to do because of the recovery. Um, and I was just like, “Okay, I’m gonna deal with this.” I don’t know how. My mom was really not uh the conversational topic of, you know, let’s talk about menopause or hey, let’s talk about sex. Oh, wait. Let’s talk about your menstrual cycle. None of that. So, you don’t talk about No, you don’t. You don’t. Especially that generation, right? So, and that’s okay because, you know, if we don’t go through some of these things, we just we don’t learn, right? We don’t become our own advocate. And I think that um so the the advocacy part really started to build momentum because I ditched that um provider. I thought, you know what, I don’t need that. I’m going to go to another one that specializes in it. And towards the end of my time at um in Pennsylvania, I actually had a a decent OB, but they really didn’t talk about menopause. So, fast forward, we come back to Florida. um I take on another, you know, a high sales position and um the the hot flashes, the anxiety, um just everything crushing, you know, the um it was just it was a whirlwind. And the weight gain, oh my gosh. So up in Pennsylvania, I was at my best weight and I and I’m transitioning and I’m gaining like five 5 lbs like a year and I’m like, “Oh, goody. I have something else to lose now, you know, something else to to to make happen.” Yeah. Um, and so I think the worst part of um, you know, menopause and what they don’t really say in the books is when they say mood swings and depression, right? It it seems like it’s just something, you know, on on paper, right? But the mood swings that I experienced is is it was something beyond what I ever felt in my life. Like I I would wake up and I would from the minute that I opened my eyes feel like I would be battling my own body. Like I would be consistently irritated. Um then I would be so feeling so depressed, feeling like not in the mood for life or anything. Then I feel like oh yay I I feel great. And then it’s like a roller coaster. And so you’re trying to bottle all these up inside because you’re you have to go through your day. You have to interact with your family, with people, but it is it is a nightmare. It’s like living inside a nightmare and you and you don’t know how and you don’t know what’s happening. Like am I going at at one stage I thought am I going crazy? Like I literally feel like I’m going crazy and there’s nobody that understands this. I’m not speaking to anybody cuz I’m not like I don’t know. Cuz you’re embarrassed. Should I go and see a psychologist? Should I get some medication? Like, what is going on with me? And um and it was only until I spoke to someone actually as the studio guest and they were starting to speak about menopause and you know the emotional part of what’s happening. Yes. And I was like, “Huh?” Cuz now I could put the two together cuz I was getting the hot flashes at night. I’m like, “Ah, all right.” And now I could start seeing Yeah. the weight gain, the hot flashes. Slowly I could put it together, right? What can women do when they start feeling these symptoms? Because, you know, it can be easily mistaken for something else. You had a meniscus torn. You were feeling that, you were frustrated because you were at home, right? But you were also going through menopause. So, sometimes we can put it through as something else. It’s life related, right? But actually, when you’re in a certain age of your life, it could be menopause. Yep. So, every woman’s going to go through menopause. Um, and it’s usually the late 30s uh to the uh late 40s and then average age of actually hitting menopause is um 51 right now. So um let me first tell you the the definition of menopause is 365 days after your last menstrual cycle. Then on the 366th day you are officially in menopause and then the day after 367 you are postmenopause. So figure that out. It’s one day but it’s all about menopause and but that really means nothing right. Exactly. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean anything. Um, but it’s it’s just the the chronological order of it, right? Yeah. Because that’s what they put on paper, right? That’s what they put on paper, but like the actual living of it, right? The emotional part of it is like a whole different story, right? So, it wasn’t until um a few years ago, you know, at this point um the Lux Center, which is actually my sister’s uh company, she’s a licensed mental health counselor um a doctorate of um organized um business and things like that. So, she’s a PhD. Um she actually started with the mental side of it and the mind side of it. Um and so when I started reset and renew, she’s like, “Hey, I would really like to collaborate and help uh the women with um the issues of their mental stasis um with the um her tools are the CBT um are the clinical hypnosis, and I’ll tell you about that in a minute. The What is CBT?” So that’s a cognitive behavior therapy. Um it’s a tool that she will use to help um relief the anxiety um just give you relief and and let you know that you’re not alone. And she’ll give you tools to actually like work through some of those feelings. Um the clinical hypnosis is a really much of a game changer for the menopausal woman uh suffering from the hot flashes. Um so Dr. Dr. Gary Elkins was part of a study that was submitted to the Menopause Society and that’s where I get a lot of my research from. Um because everything that I do is evidence-based. Everything um Leanne does is evidence-based. And so um Dr. Gary Elkins actually has a um this study about clinical hypnosis and actually relieving uh hot flashes by 74%. Oh wow. No. uh no drugs, no injections, no uh pills, nothing. It’s all clinical hypnosis and it’s evidence-based. Um and it’s a proven study um to be assistant with the um the hot flashes with the um um yes, the hot flashes. I feel like I’m having a hot flash right now. That’s amazing. So, yeah, it is. It is. And actually, we had a really great conversation with Dr. Elkins. He has an app um that uh he has developed, but uh Leanne is actually a certified clinical hypnosis as well. So, yeah, it’s pretty uh neat how I can watch, you know, help, excuse me, help my clients with their nutrition, with their movement, um and with their overall well-being of habit building. And then she’s able to help with the mind and just the the general attitude because your mindset is everything. So when you’re having a hot flash like right now I’m going to think of cool waters. Um I’m going to think of ocean breezes and it’s actually going to bring down my inner core temperature. And so the just the calmness of it um and understanding that it doesn’t have to be this way. Um it’s going to it will pass it. Um but there’s tools out there to help you manage them in a more um profound way than there was in the past. I love that. And just to focus on that because it’s easy to focus on the anxious side of something and to, you know, if we’re not speaking out about it to go like, “Oh, this is terrible. I’m getting a hot flush.” And to be all self um what’s the word? Like self-conscious about it and and and that creates more anxiety and that creates even more anxiousness and and hot flashes and more anxiety. Whereas now you can like say focus on calmness and cool water and immediately there’s just a different atmosphere like I love that it’s such a simple thing that everybody can do right and you can do it like in the moment. Yes. That’s a really beautiful and neat trick. Right. Yes. So your um business is is is coaching women that’s going through menopause right? So, what kind of coaching do you do? Like, how does that work? Do they come in for um dietary coaching, per se, or where do you meet them? I meet them where they are. That’s a great question because I want to meet meet every person where they are. um and whether they’re working with an OB that is menopausal uh that’s part of the menopause society which is very important to understand the reason why or they are in need of um information to get them to that uh that that person. So, I’m gonna work with um and where they’re at. Um and having them fill out it’s a pretty u detailed form of like all their supplements, their foods, their everything. And you know, from that, we’re going to build a um um better plan that that’s an easier holistic sustainable way. And that’s the biggest thing is making sure it’s sustainable. Is that more is that more towards dietry? Are you talking more diet or where everything you’re saying a plan for sustainability? Yes. Like so we’re going to we’re going to work on their nutrition, making sure it’s hormone friendly because that has to do with a lot of the anxiety. Um a lot of the hot flashes. there are uh gut issues that you happen to come across when you know if you’re uh not lucky like there are some women that are actually lucky that don’t have gut issues. So, um, then we’re going to talk about movement, mindful movement, because not every woman is able to have gym access. They’re, you know, they’re sedentary, they’re not used to moving. So, I usually give them simple tools when they start with me. Um they’ll get uh either bands or they’ll get um you know um straps and we’re going to work and getting them moving to the point of being able to do some um uh gains, muscle gains as well cuz we we are looking to make sure that their future self is being protected because we talked about that fall. Yeah. You know the bone density fell. Yeah. So um one of the biggest reasons for the movement, the nutrition, the hydration is that we are building a for a better future that we aren’t we aren’t landing in a um a care uh center before our time, you know, and before our wishes. Um, so that mindful movement with the weight training, um, better nutrition with a protein plan, a hydration plan, um, you know, and then the, um, just the overall habit building and making sure that we’re journaling it and and understanding like how we’re feeling, you know, when we are taking into these foods and this different way of life, you know, and and what thoughts are going through. Um, yeah. So, we just meet people where there are. We make sure it’s holistic and it’s sustainable. Um, and we want to, you know, build a better future and have them thrive through menopause rather than just survive or, you know, um, you know, the thought process of just suck it up, buttercup, you know, let’s move on. That doesn’t work. Yeah. No, definitely not. Is Is there certain exercises that’s better for women to do when they’re going through menopauses? like building muscle like weight training um is there certain foods that you should be avoiding like you know what kind of advice would you give for a woman that is great those are great questions so weight training is absolutely necessary but not all women are able to start with that so that’s why the building up to it um and then also I have a customized app that helps them build up to it oh wow yes and then the foods avoiding processed foods Am that is your that is everybody’s nemesis all the time now right is processed foods like that is like poison really it is it is they say sitting is the new smoking right and processed foods right is like poison right it’s poison to our bodies it causes inflammation right I’m learning all these things like now yeah and then absolutely getting enough water in in the day and enough steps in Okay, walking is a is a new uh it’s not new, but it’s something that most people aren’t doing enough of. So, I help them build those um those habits and it’s just building those habits um and not all at once because it’s overwhelming. So, um that’s interesting. I love what you’re what you’re saying there is like because that’s usually what we start in with the new year, right? We all have this January 1st mentality, this list of things that we’re going to do in the new year and then one week later we’re not doing it. Right. Right. Is it because the list is too long? It may be. It may be you’re taking off you’re taking a a bigger bite than you can chew and so start with one thing. Have the list of 10 but maybe have one a month maybe. And that’s where the initial call with me comes in. It’s a diagnostic call. um they fill out the form and we really dive into the core issue of okay, are we doing this for um your bone density? Are we doing this for your heart? Are we doing this for weight loss? And and honestly, the weight loss has a big a big part to play with the density and the um the bone density and the um the cardio portion of it. And then also some of them like yourself, you just feel like you’re going a little, you know, you just you don’t know what direction you’re going in. They just need a little support, the resources, and they need uh support mentally uh for strengthening. So, and that’s where the Lux Center comes into play. They do the mental strengthening. I love that you that you’re doing this that that you’re providing this safe space for women and just the coaching cuz you don’t have to do it alone and that al that in in itself, right? right? It’s already just bringing that peace of mind. Um, and just speaking out about it like that helps cuz if if I didn’t have that conversation with my studio guest, right? I was literally sitting in front of some we were talking about something else. She’s got a center and the conversation of menopause came up and I was like, it’s like a light switch that came on in my head. I’m like, ah, right, so many things are making sense to me now. Right. And once you get that information, it’s like ah, you’re rewriting your history and understanding a little bit more. But the really neat thing is rewriting that now you know how to move forward. Yes. Now you can make a better decisions. Yes. Cuz otherwise you’re just battling, battling, battling. And I feel like that’s that might be a reason why so many families are falling apart. Um, so many women, you know, go through horrendous circumstances during this age and they don’t understand why. They think the world is the problem. There’s all these issues around and they don’t understand what’s going on in their body and they don’t know that there’s help. Yes. And that’s what and it could be as simple as changing a diet. It could be your food that’s literally driving you crazy. Y but it all only starts with menopause cuz now suddenly your body is just not coping with things that it used to cope with for years, right? It is bizarre. That would be a good word for it. Bizarre. So, but yeah, the the the stats are staggering for women in pmenopause. the divorce rate is super high and unfortunately the suicide rate is super high as well because there’s no they just feel like there’s nowhere to turn and and please if you have these feelings please reach out to me. I’m on the web. I have uh all access. I want to talk to you before you make any major decisions. We can help. we can we are here to support you and you know maybe guide you in a different direction um rather than down the proverbial hole. Um you know that was um it was it was an eye openener when you know my mom had passed away from a heart condition that that just was like I need to do this. This is what I am meant to do. And my logo has um my mom’s marker on it from her piece. Um and it represents the uh her four girls. We’re all born in the different seasons. So it was really um kind of an ode to her. I love it. So but um she’s with us definitely with us today. I love it. This is it’s so beautiful that you’re doing this and I think the whole idea behind what you’re doing cuz we were talking before the show is so that we can have a a beautiful life in our older age, right? Cuz yeah, we need to survive menopause, right? Get through it in one piece without killing our family members or getting divorced or Right. Right. or Yeah. I mean, this is serious stuff, right? Um but once you survive that um you want to age gracefully. You want to enjoy your old age that you worked so hard for to enjoy, right? You don’t want to suffer in your old age. Um so you want to be active, you want to be active, you want to have a social life. That’s a big thing. Um and just, you know, um you just want you want to thrive. You just don’t want to survive. That’s a for sure. I love that. Thrive, not survive. That’s right. Darby, thank you so much for joining us in studio. And where can people lastly again find you? Just give us your website again. It’s resetandrenewh.com. So that Yes. And then my um you know, my my mantra is stay calm and pause on. I love that. And think about the water when you have a hot flush. I love that. Thank you so much for taking the time to join us today. And that is it from me, Laura Gring and Empower TV. If you are having any kind of emotional breakdowns and you don’t know why and you’re between the ages of 30some and 50, um, give Darby a call, check out her website. It could be menopause and you are not alone. Um, so don’t suffer by yourself. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe to our episodes. We really need you. Comment, say something if you like it. If you don’t like it, say something. It’s fine. Uh, and until next week, goodbye.

Are you silently suffering through mood swings, hot flashes, weight gain, or emotional breakdowns — and wondering if you’re going crazy? You’re not alone. In this powerful episode of Empower TV, host Lorna Gring sits down with certified menopause coach Darby Kohler to unpack the emotional, mental, and physical rollercoaster of menopause.

From life-threatening symptoms and heart palpitations to depression, sleep loss, and family strain — we talk real stories, not textbook definitions. Darby shares holistic tools, hormone-friendly habits, and how her personal health crisis turned into a mission to help other women thrive, not just survive menopause.

✨ Discover the exact natural approach she used to:

Eliminate hot flashes and night sweats
Restore energy, libido, and mental clarity
Regain emotional balance and inner peace
Feel like herself again—naturally
Whether you’re in perimenopause, menopause, or beyond, this inspiring story will empower you with real solutions that work with your body—not against it.

💡 If you’re aged 35–55 and feel “off,” this might be the answer.
💬 Share your story in the comments. You are not alone.

📍 Need help? Connect with Darby:
Website: https://resetandrenewh.com

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