The Science of Self-Blame and Depression
Struggling with depression and self-blame? Learn why it’s not your fault, how guilt fuels depression, and how to break the cycle and heal.
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Are you stuck in a cycle of depression, self-blame, and guilt? Do you constantly think, “It’s my fault I feel this way”? In this video, we dive deep into the connection between depression and self-blame, showing how guilt, shame, and blaming yourself can worsen mental health. You’ll learn why depression tricks your mind into believing it’s all your fault, how excessive guilt fuels deeper depression, and how cognitive distortions keep the cycle alive. We’ll also explain the neuroscience behind depression, guilt, and self-blame — and how you can start to break free. If you often feel like “I’m to blame” or “It’s my fault I’m depressed,” this video will help you understand the real causes of depression and guide you toward self-compassion, resilience, and emotional healing. Stop letting self-blame and guilt control your life. Learn practical steps to reframe your thinking, heal from depression, and create a healthier, more hopeful future. Watch now and start breaking the cycle.
00:00 Intro
00:27 The fork is the father of the spoon
01:11 Why the brain needs a story for your depression
02:45 The self-blame depression cycle
04:07 Why we learn to blame ourselves for depression
05:32 Blaming yourself to feel safe
07:57 Inside the depressed brain: guilt and blame
09:56 Cognitive distortions in depression
11:28 Break the self-blame cycle
12:43 Guilt vs illness: what depression really is
14:04 Beating depression with self-compassion
15:14 How to create distance from self-blame
17:19 Replace self-blame with an action
18:18 The power of reaching out
18:41 Break free from guilt and blame
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life’s direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 988 or your local emergency services.
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42 Comments
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I'm obviously the problem. Society runs well, most people get along fine, I don't, I'm the piece that doesn't fit, in the one that is having the problem, society isn't causing it, self blame is appropriate
the fork is the father of the spoon because of the way you think it starts rough and then once you work on things it flattens out and gets smoother with the way you work on your brain.
Feeling guilty for feeling depressed…. feeling guilty for feeling better…. YES ! GEEZ!
My first thought is to question the statement in your question. Why should I belive you when you say that the fork is the father of the spoon? Who decided that the fork is male? I call bullshit on the statement and your question.
I dont blame myself for being depressed.
Have worked for a company for 36 years and have gone through 3 different owners.
The new company wants to micromanage everything to the minute and im over it
I thought the fork was the father of the spoon because the spikes protect the spoon, like how a father may protect someone or something.
Because they both have the same root
Thank you for un broken soul
Your kindness is appreciated
🤔 I think Forks came 1st, in Cutlery History? 🤗😘🐺
Babies start out with spoons before graduating to a fork. They are both from the same cutlery family but one is older. Also spoons are curved and not as harmful as forks with tines that you can use for protecting your family.
Thank you for all your help.
there was a bigger need for a utensil with tines than for a scooping utensil.
Haha I think the Fork is the Father of the spoon simply because both start with F.
The fork is tougher or could be the protector of the spoon
I think the spoon came first.
I don't blame myself for depression; I think everyone else blames me for it. Also, feeling sad is subjective not objective, right?
The fork is the father of the spoon because his mum is the knife and they all serve the same purpose to make the boring family
Clearly, it's the multiple phalli.
The fork is the father of the spoon because the both are used to pick up food one scoops the other can scoop and stab
Because although they are different, they have a similar function
The fork could be the father of the spoon because it fulfills many functional needs of eating, but it jacks the capacity to hold liquids so the spoon 🥄 evolved on the prototype of the fork to facilitate holding liquid and a solid surface for scooping etc.
There is usually a reason why someone is depressed
The fork is the father of the spoon because the fork has missing pieces that made the spoon complete ? 😅
My first thought was that it’s the other way around. The spoon is the father of the fork because I expect the spoon came first because it’s easier to make. It can be improvised from a slip of wood or a piece of bark, while the fork is much more difficult to make and requires advanced tools like a saw.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Fork is father of spoon – maybe because raw foods were more prevalent earlier and later came curries
Blame and shame in general
Bec we started using utensils first to eat
He has “prongs” and might be more male than female…
A pointed utensil was advantageous in handling most food but contained within the design was a lack of competency to handle another ingestible medium, the liquid. A new design was found and was created that solved what the fork was lacking. Therefore, the fork is the father of the spoon. Some caveats; I'd prefer the word progenitor over father and this process could have just as easily occured in reverse.
At 9:34/9:35-ish, did you overdub the word for a donkey with the word “failure”? Just sayin’… I noticed 🤓🤣 good job, but also thank you for your channel! Your vibe reminds me of Baymax the helper robot on Big Hero 6… just so kind and always encouraging.
Because the fork could have started as a spoon and got 'changed' by time and experiences into the fork? So it doesn't hold so much 'liquid' anymore, but can take 'hard' foods now?
I wish thers a cure for shame,unforntutaly theres nothing..
Because the fork was invented first?!
I think from an evolution of tool use, our long ago ancestors learned to pick up food with pointy sticks and over time they fashioned a similar tool for liquid.
You're describing a pathway for despair. An unending cycle of invalidation for which the client is the progenitor. It's a negative belief loop.
They can't be broken out of it because those thoughts and impressions are informed by deeply-seated core belief about self. This is often informed by the environment and the people they find themselves around. There's a good chance most if not all of these people are being heavily invalidated by people within their lives.
I suspect the key to setting them free from their depression lies somewhere within those interactions.
Depression can be so self-defeating to the point where one internalizes beliefs about self, which feed into more beliefs about self.
That's why finding the core to that belief system is so important. The next trick would be demonstrating to the client that those beliefs about self are damaging and destructive.
BECAUSE SPOON IS NOT SHARP
The fork picks up food better
Thank you so much for your videos and the ways you explain things. I have a history of emotional and physical abuse with a parent with untreated borderline personality disorder, and it continues to affect me daily and unpredictably, even after continued work with therapists and lots of work to accept myself and find new healthy coping mechanisms.
I am a nurse and today I had an elderly patient with immense chronic illnesses and struggles decades after they have experienced childhood trauma. Seeing the long term effects this patient was still dealing with decades later, this brought up a lack of hope for the future I have for myself. The depression and self-harm ideations resurface again as they often do.
All in all, a video I found of yours on long term physical/emotional/etc effects of the body from childhood ACEs, and now this video, are helping me get through today and feel some hope right now to continue in my healing journey in trying to rewire my brain. Thank you for spreading your knowledge and compassion ♥️
Fork is Father because both start with F… Or because it forked the spoon's mom? 😬🫢🤫
Because you told me