Note: this story includes discussion of suicide and depression.
Stand-up comedy is one of the more unique forms of entertainment. For an hour or two, you sit and watch as people — alone on a stage — explore the deepest corners of their minds to search for anything which may garner a good laugh, a hearty chuckle, or maybe a stifled giggle at a joke you tell yourself shouldn’t be funny.
Jokes about the darkest feelings millions of people at one point or another have felt in their lives, to at least some degree – depression and suicide.
Talking about mental health isn’t easy — but sometimes laughter can help. Sacramento-area comedian Brad Bonar Jr. knows that all too well. So, he turned his own pain into purpose with a comedy show bringing awareness and acceptance through humor called 1 Degree of Separation: A Funny Look at Depression and Suicide.
“Comics have no boundaries,” said Bonar Jr. “Our superpower is we’ll talk about anything.”
That superpower has enabled Bonar and his rotating group of comedians to thoughtfully yet humorously confront sensitive subjects to those who may need to laugh. The philosophy being the more someone can laugh at the dark and tragic, the smaller it becomes, giving them more power over it.
Since its debut in 2019, 1 Degree of Separation has traveled the globe to provide an intimate comedic experience for audiences which include veterans and active-duty service members.
In 2022, 6,407 veterans died by suicide, according to data from the Department of Veterans Affairs’ 2024 National Suicide Prevention Annual Report.
While not a veteran himself, Bonar has experienced how humor can act as a coping mechanism for his closest friends who’ve served, along with strangers who’ve used the show as a vehicle to seek help.
“An airman came up to me and asked, ‘has it been easier to deal with your depression as you got older?’ I said ‘no, it got easier once I started talking about it.’”
Opening up
Bonar Jr. created the show to fight the stigma surrounding mental health following his own lifelong struggles which led him to a 72-hour involuntary psychiatric hold at 54-years-old.
“It was a wretched three days,” Bonar said. “But the thing I left with was a realization that if I don’t do something, if I don’t take an active part in my depression, then my grandkids will never know me.”
One month after being clinically diagnosed with depression, Bonar came across a suicide note he wrote in the sixth grade. He was 12 years old.
“I’d never talked about depression before because I didn’t think I had depression,” Bonar said. “I’d attempted suicide a few times and I thought about it all the time, but I thought, ‘No, depression, that’s sad people. I’m not a sad person, right?’”
Bonar cited a documentary about the late comedian and Oscar-winning actor Robin Williams as inspiration for the show over its lack of acknowledgment of his cause of death in 2014. The Marin County cornor’s office ruled Williams’ death a suicide.
Bonar’s thought was simple: Williams himself would’ve talked about it, so why not do exactly that?
Five questions
Inside the Stage at Burke Junction in Cameron Park, about 30 miles east of Sacramento, four comedians begin the show by presenting a five minute set touching on their relationship with depression. Afterward, a panel is formed to dive deeper into five questions about how depression is felt and what contributes to it. Bonar consulted medical and mental health professionals to help shape the format of the show.
The five questions are meant to be non-judgmental and actively listened to:
What does your depression feel like?
What do others do that makes it worse?
What do others do that makes it better?
What do you do that makes it worse?
What do you do that makes it better?
Bonar prints these questions on vinyl business cards so as to not rip or fade when inside a soldier’s shoulder pouch, ready to be used during a mental health crisis as a way to talk through it.
Each of the comedians share their experiences with depression and how they contribute to it by self-isolating or not taking care of themselves.
“It’s almost like you triage and it’s like hibernation,” said Roman Spinale. “You just go, ‘I’m going to put my energy just into surviving and not moving, which means not doing anything.’”
That can take its tole and show up as a physical manifestation. Some on the panel described it as having pressure on their chests or feelings of dissociation.
“The physical thing I think is often overlooked,” said comedian Johnny Taylor. “It’s funny. I’ve never thought about the physical part of it until we started doing this show.”
“You’re just in a brain fog like when you lay down and take a 15-minute nap and then you wake up 2 hours later,” said Aurora Singh, a Sacramento comedian who is 24 weeks pregnant and admits to struggling with pre-natal depression. “You’re awake but your brain is just still in sleep mode.”
Being told they’re wrong or having their experience dismissed is how others made it worse by minimizing what is being felt. What helps most, the comics say, is simply being heard.
“There’s something powerful in presence,” said Taylor. “Where all it takes is somebody just being near you to keep you holding on to that last leaf that’s preventing you from blowing off the edge of the world.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression. Help is available. You can call the Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988.
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