Scott Galloway is many things. He’s an entrepreneur. He’s a business professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business. He’s a podcaster with three different shows. He’s a husband and a father of boys. Oh, and he’s a writer. You could say he’s a busy fella.
In his new book, Notes on Being a Man, Galloway states bluntly: “There’s no such thing as ‘toxic masculinity…there’s cruelty, criminality, bullying, predation, and abuse of power. If you’re guilty of any of these things, or conflate being a man with coarseness and savagery, you’re not masculine; you’re anti-masculine.”
As a man and a therapist who treats mostly men, this resonates with me and what I’ve heard from my clients. Whether espoused in the Boy Scouts or a John Ford film, traditional ideals of manhood never resembled the megalomaniacal narcissism of Elon Musk or Donald Trump.
Most guys seem to know this and seem weary of the ongoing cultural discussions about masculinity and reticent to share their thoughts for fear of rebuke. Having Galloway out there saying that it’s okay to be an old-school man is helpful and satisfying to many ears because he also champions the value of kindness.
The Power of Action
Values matter. Galloway calls it a code, and coincidentally, I do too with my male clients. My clinical practice includes Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which is a behavioral therapy that focuses on committing to actions that align with one’s values. ACT also incorporates mindfulness and an awareness of your unpleasant experiences. The aim is to develop psychological flexibility — a capacity to ride the waves of emotion without getting stuck.
I like ACT because it’s transdiagnostic, meaning it works with all diagnoses. But more importantly, it doesn’t pathologize someone. In his chapter on health, Galloway opines that therapy-speak dominates our culture, and he’s right. In this way, ACT resembles Stoicism in that it helps you confront what’s coming up, which leads to greater meaning and purpose. That’s the point of Galloway’s stories and how he arrived at his conclusions. That he’s compelled to share his conclusions speaks to the power of his having lived through these experiences.
Galloway asserts that his blind spot is needing validation and acknowledgment from strangers. Lots of us need this. It’s normal. But he knows that it’ll get him in trouble. He also normalizes male body dysmorphia, which a lot of guys quietly suffer from. Knowing your blind spots, avoidance tactics and how to move past them is part of ACT. But it’s important to act on your convictions. I hear so many young adults (rightly) lament the state of the world. Galloway would agree that the single best way to quell that existential angst is to get involved locally, by doing something aligned with your values.
Protectors, Providers, Procreators?
As a therapist, I feel compelled to point out where this book may hinder one’s mental well-being. For instance, he states early on that men should be protectors, providers and procreators. Here, Galloway has reduced masculinity to caveman status. Plenty of men have opted to live a life without children and find it full of meaning and purpose, and their masculinity is unfazed. Plenty of men are also noticing that it’s okay not to be the sole provider. If you feel you don’t attain or want one of these three attributes, that may lead you to feel like a “failure.”
We live in a capitalistic system of winners and losers, which places an unrealistic sense of responsibility on individuals. When things don’t pan out, folks end up viewing it as a reflection on their self-worth, which is problematic and untrue (Sam Harris’s essays on free will should help to disabuse anyone of the fallacy of free will). We are all born into an unfair, chaotic system dominated by luck. If you find yourself struggling against one of these dominant narratives about masculinity, find a Narrative Therapist to help you deconstruct and reauthor that cultural narrative into something less black and white.
Be Careful With Some of His Advice
Galloway also advocates using THC and CBD for sleep. But cannabis and sleep don’t match. Whoever says cannabis is good for sleep is probably trying to sell you some weed. Cannabis may help you fall asleep, but it dramatically hinders Rapid Eye Movement (REM), where your brain and body do their most important repair work.
Sleep disturbances are treated behaviorally because they are behavioral in nature. There are chemical components, such as hormones, and physiological ones, which cause various apneas. But both of those are treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (and devices for apneas), which includes a combination of stimulus control, sleep restriction, cognitive restructuring, relaxation techniques and sleep hygiene. You can find a CBTi therapist through the Society of Behavioral Sleep Medicine.
Galloway states he’s not a therapist, and I’m not an entrepreneur. I’m only writing about the mental health elements of this book, which I would see in clients. His chapter on career offers a lot of great advice — namely, stuff like following your talents (not your passions) and putting in sweat equity. Ultimately, his message is to be yourself, to be kind to others and yourself and get out there and experience life unmediated by devices. The beauty of that credo is its simplicity — but that doesn’t make it easy to live by.
More Like This
The Charge will help you move better, think clearer and stay in the game longer. Subscribe to our wellness newsletter today.