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On Mental Illness (and the end of Pizzamas)



On Mental Illness (and the end of Pizzamas)

[John:] Good morning, Hank; It’s Friday! It’s the final day of Pizzamas 2015. And, what a ride it’s been. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve suited up, we’ve learned some art history; and, perhaps most importantly, we have made the accquaintance of Cheese Doodles Guy. [Cheese Doodles Guy:] [Screaming] YEAAAHHH!!! YEAAAAAAAHHHH!!! [John:] But, all good things must end; even the excitement over cheese doodles. In fact, come to think of it, everything must end. In this universe, to be is to not always be. Or, actually, maybe not. Maybe “to be” is just “to change”. After all, those cheese doodles eventually became poop. But anyway, the end of Pizzamas also means that this is the last that you can order Pizzamas merch! My face in a nebula on your torso, only available until midnight tonight along with the rest of the Pizzamas merch. Check it out at dftba.com ; link in the doobly-doo. But, if you leave Pizzamas with no physical mementos; fear not. When Nerdfighter D.C. complained that they were too broke to enjoy Pizzamas, Untapped Inkwell replied: “Pizzamas is just as much a state of being, as it is a consumerist holiday.” So true. So true of all consumerist holidays, actually. Which, these days, is to say all holidays. But, speaking of states of being; you talked about kind of personal stuff in your video yesterday, Hank. So, I guess I’ll do the same. I have a mental illness called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder; which, is often associated with anxiety and depression problems. I try to talk about that sometimes, because I don’t think that there should be anything embarrassing about mental illness; but, I don’t talk about it that much. Because, one: it’s personal; and two: I find it difficult to talk about my own experiences with chronic illness because the central way we imagine sickness, as a thing that we must conquer and then put behind us, doesn’t really apply to chronic illness. Like, when you go to the store to get a card for a sick friend; you go to the “Get Well Soon” section, right? But, for people living with chronic illness, it often isn’t a question of getting “well soon”. Like Hank, I hope that someday they cure ulcerative colitis; but, I don’t expect you to “get well soon”. Instead, my hope for you is that you live a rich and full life; and that you aren’t marginalized because of your illness. Which is a big problem! I have a theory about this, Hank; I don’t think we humans like to imagine our lives as “random”. We need human lives to be narratives that make sense; so, if we can’t find causation, we just create it. Like, people get depression because they’re weak; or they get diabetes, because they don’t eat well; or they have heart failure, because they don’t exercise. All of that stuff is either totally inaccurate or overly simplistic, but we want every effect to have a cause; and, when we can’t find that cause, we invent one. Anyway Hank, as you know, I have been very sick over the last several weeks as I’ve tried to figure out a new medication regimen. Over the years of living with my illness, I’ve learned about how to make it tolerable. I’ve learned to celebrate small successes; I’ve learned to encourage myself without being cruel. And, most importantly, I’ve learned that there is hope; and that when I feel like there isn’t hope, my brain is lying to me. But still, it is awful! And, after years of relatively good health, I have been reminded in the last several weeks just how painful and crushing that this stuff can be. And, that’s despite my having all kinds of advantages that make it easier to live with; an incredibly supportive family, total job flexibility, an excellent therapist and psychiatrist, money to afford medication, etcetera. Most people don’t have all of those resources, and that worsens any kind of illness. Hank, I’ve mentioned all of this for three reasons. First, to tell people who may be living with mental illness that there is hope. That mental illness is almost always treatable; and that, how you feel when you are at your sickest is not how you will always feel. And, down in the doobly doo, you can find the links to resources that I’ve found helpful, and that the people I know have found helpful. Secondly, I want to remind all of us, that what we see in videos or on Instagram isn’t the whole story. Like, my friends and family have known that I have been unwell over the last several weeks, because it is impossible for me to hide it from them; but, it is very possible for me to hide it with jump cuts. And lastly, to say thanks! Thank you for watching these videos; and Hank, thank you for the gift of Pizzamas, which has given structure and achieveable tasks to my life at a time when I desperately needed them. I’m starting to feel better for a variety of reasons; from medication to exercise. But, the gift of Pizzamas has been surprisingly important; so, thank you for being a part of it. Hank; Don’t forget to be awesome! I will see you- No!! No; you will see me on Tuesday.

Pizzamas ends today! http://store.dftba.com/collections/pizzamas

In which John discusses his mental illness, the challenges of living with chronic illness, a recent run of poor health, the end of Pizzamas, and the question of whether things end or just change.

RESOURCES:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
I know it can be scary to make a phone call, but people are nice, I promise.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
The Trevor Project: 866-488-7386
International helplines: http://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline

Mental Health Resource list and links: http://activeminds.org/issues-a-resources/mental-health-resources/general-mental-health-resources
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America: http://www.adaa.org/
Mental Health screening tools: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screening-tools
Exercise and mental health: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/e/exercise-mental-health/
Mind: http://mind.org.uk/information-support/

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John’s twitter – http://twitter.com/johngreen
John’s tumblr – http://fishingboatproceeds.tumblr.com
Hank’s twitter – http://twitter.com/hankgreen
Hank’s tumblr – http://edwardspoonhands.tumblr.com

View 42 Comments

42 Comments

  1. @rosez4eva on

    As someone who struggles with anxiety and physical chronic illness I always appreciate when you talk about your experience with OCD on vlogbrothers. I have good and bad days and it can feel isolating sometimes because you think that other people don’t struggle as much. Also my sister has OCD and while the illness can vary greatly, I feel like it gives me an opportunity to talk to her about it.

  6. @Karlymoon999 on

    aaaah i was watching this and i thought it was from this year and i was like wow john sounds different is he sick but really i had accidentally time traveled to 2015 without knowing

  7. @LizanneGlasgow on

    I had to pause at “ulcerative colitis” because woah. I’ve lived with chronic ulcerative colitis for ten years this past fall. And it’s definitely been a journey. I’ve had multiple flares in that time (two separate times being twice in the same year…if that makes sense), the most recent being last winter when I was in the most excruciating pain I’ve felt my entire life. I legitimately thought I was going to pass out or worse from the pain, and I’ve never really thought that before then. I ended up in the hospital for 3 days, but thankfully haven’t had any problems since then. It’s not the easiest life, living with chronic UC. What I always tell people is that I just get through life the best that I can. 👍🏻

  8. @mayachouraqui8121 on

    Hi John, you are probably not going to see this- but I saw this video recently and like you have, decided to talk about my OCD infront of my classmates and what it's like living with mental illness. Unfortunately my home room teacher came up to me and told me I should not have identified myself as a "lunatic". Althogh this disheartened me a bit, my friends came up to me afterwards aswell and told I was brave to share and that it was very insightful to them to hear. Thank you John for speeking so openely about your mental illness and thus encourage me to do the same.

  10. @sabsubbri3608 on

    This video is very helpful, and very true. I've watched it when mental illness completely overwhelmed me and it helped and I've watched it when I didn't need to, and it still helped lessen the burden. Thank you for being able to share your experiences in a way that can help others

  12. @currentphonograph1734 on

    I fear my answer, of illness, containment, & confinement, lays with she who did govern Alaska

    I also fear, that if i call those phone numbers from your list on my phone, once information is sold, i will further surround myself with new friends called shills, who will respond confirming my worst fear. A life long condition of religious mental illness with no cure

    Bipolar is fraud

  13. @ZenFox0 on

    I just came across this video, and while it’s amost 3.5 years old already, it resonates with me now, as I’ve been struggling with a brain injury that no one can see or understand (including the doctor I went to).

    The result of a traffic accident some 4 years ago, it has caused chronic fatigue, grogginess, headaches, momentary memory lapses, difficulty concentrating, fractured sleep, and mild depression.

    My mantra has been fake it until you make it, but that's awfully hard to do sometimes, and I'm not sure it will get any better. Truth is I have good days and bad days, and wish I had jump cuts to skip past the bad days.

    I can see in John’s eyes that he’s struggling here, but he still has the old wit and wry sense of humor. I pray that he can keep on a good path, and I will endeavour to do likewise. I admire his bravery and candor in speaking out about an issue that many are afraid to speak of for fear of losing employment, friends, or loved ones.

  14. @sapphohxrself on

    In 2015: I was 14 and I hated myself. I was a nerdfighter. I was an obsessive Percy Jackson reading, full zip hoodie wearing, closet emo being, soft spoken smart ass.

    In 2019: I’m nearly 18 and I still kinda hate myself. I’m still a nerdfighter. I’m an obsessive bad ass Russian lit reading, high waist jean wearing, all out art hoe being, soft-spoken smart ass.

    My how things change ❤️

  15. @aleksfakename7105 on

    "There is hope. Mental illness is almost always treatable. How you feel when you are at your sickest is not how you will always feel – John Green" is on my wall. It's been there for a long time now, and after tough days i look up at it and try to remember that the hope is still there, even if sometimes it is invisible. The last part of it is the most effective for me, as there have been many times in my life where my illness has convinced me the opposite. Days like these when i feel the way i do right now, it's so much more than it seems, a piece of paper with some words stuck to a wall. It's my physical copy of hope when i don't feel any. Thank you, Green. And thank you Nerdfighteria.

  20. @c.d.dailey8013 on

    That is wonderful that you opean up with your struggles. I have depression and asperger's syndrome. Things can be hard. often get blamed for what I don't accomplish. People say I use mental illness as an excuse for poor performance. They don't seem to realize how difficult things are. When you explain that people try to find cause for things, that explains a lot. I even wonder if people blame individuals for failure because they don't want to face a scary truth that society is currupt and wrong. A big thing that messed me up is poverty. It is too hard to climb out of, even if I am willing to work hard. I have been poor and chronically unemployed. I think that is a major reason why I got depression. I don't people people get depression simply because they are weak. They could be someone like me, who has suffered a lot of failure. It is difficult to find any hope and happiness when things are so bleak. It would be nice to get cards for mental illness. Hpwever it won't happen. A get well soon card won't work for Asperger's. As far as I know, there is no cure for that. I find sociallizing extremely difficult. It would be nice if I can live a full life. I wish I wouldn't be turned down for a job because I can smooze around and perform networking and interview. It would be nice if I get to shut myself in an office alone and do my job. Good luck with your mental health.

  22. @KirstenLynch319 on

    John, I just found this but wanted to let you know that I can relate so much! I live with Bipolar Disorder and have gone through a few medication changes. It's never easy, but it is worth it to feel normal-ish.

  25. @AliceDiableaux on

    When I first saw this video 5 years ago I broke down hysterically sobbing when John said there is hope and that I wouldn't always feel this way, because I wanted it to be true so bad but after 7 years of chronic depression, suicidal ideation and nothing that ever worked to lighten the burden, but I couldn't imagine it actually being true, let alone achievable or just around the corner. Well, I finally got a therapist who saw there was more under the surface, got an unexpected autism diagnosis on top of my bipolar II and then finally medication that worked for me. I've since finished high school, I'm now in college, my house is clean, I like my life, myself, I have so much to look forward to, and almost a decade of severe chronic depression seems like a bad dream. There is hope, mental illness is almost always treatable and how you feel when you are at your sickest isn't how you'll always feel. There's hope, kids. Do not give up.

  26. @jbkjbk1999 on

    "I know that it's a little dramatic,
    but the word for not changing is death
    so I'm getting better, my friends,
    but please don't hold your breath"
    -Pat the Bunny

  28. @sheyennewilliams8998 on

    I also have OCD, but its not just OCD, like yea I have my tics, but I also have tricotillomania, a hair pulling disorder. I cut my hair short recently, but as it starts to grow, I find myself trying to pick again. I'm seeking treatment, but some days I feel like there isn't hope. But there is, my brain is just lying to me

  29. @inlove834 on

    Your content was informative. I've been trying to search for a video similar to yours that informs everything in this YouTube vid. 🧑🏻‍⚕️ The explanation at 1:24 is my fav. Your tip actually is like the channel of Doctor Ethan! Dr Ethan's explanations are for sure informative and he helped me a lot on my studies. He is a helpful health enthusiast in Nottingham.

    You should check his page out and give the med student a subscribe! ➡️ #DrEthanYouTube

  30. @rosemorris1280 on

    Hey! Your video was informative! I've been trying to research for a video like yours that breaks down everything in this vid! 👏Your vid actually is like the vids from Dr Ethan. Dr Ethan's videos are educational and I really learned a lot for midterms! He is an informative Dr.

    Go check out his YouTube out and give the med student a like! ➡️ #MedicalStudentEthan

  31. @azukarzuchastux8066 on

    John 3:16
    King James Version
    16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

  32. @elainebelzDetroit on

    I know this is old, but thank you. And thank you to all the people in the comments sharing their stories, too, even though none of you will see this, I'm sure. Bipolar 2 here, and damn, it's tough sometimes. But when I think no one loves me or I have no hope, that's my disease lying to me. If anyone reads this, I hope you find some encouragement, or perhaps understanding for someone you know who lives with this kind of chronic illness. Let's all be here for each other.

  35. @khallo151 on

    YouTube recommended this video (well I’ve been bingeing vlogbrothers so that makes sense) and I hesitated because of the title. I have a cousin of ocd and there’s very little that anyone has ever said that might mean anything to me. It’s an incredibly helpless feeling, being in a bad stretch. I know you came out of it (ha this is 7 years old, I’m sure you’ve gone up and down) and I’ve come out of it before too but damn. Covid (or long Covid) hashad a huge amplifying effect on my compulsions and it’s incredibly disheartening sometimes.

  36. @skelecvnt on

    this video is super old but here i am in 2023 freshly touched by it. I gotta say, the acknowledgment of the chronic nature of mental illness is something i don't think we're seeing much in society at the moment and I wish there was more of it. it is a very scary reality to face as someone with mental illness, the fact that you'll never be 'cured'. but the truth isn't so bad when you look at it and think about it. as you say, it's still possible to live a rich and fulfilling life. there are recessions, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, good days and bad days. I think refusing to acknowledge the fact that mental illness is forever perpetuates the idea that its impossible to live a good life alongside it, and that just leaves people feeling hopeless and defeated. personally my life got a whole lot better once the goal shifted from being 'cured' to simply taking and enjoying the good days. every once in a while I still need a reminder that depression is something I'm living with and that bad days will happen sometimes, though. this video was that for me. thanks, john.

  39. @mars-pu7dw on

    i got dignosed with ocd a couple months ago and while it really fucking sucks theres something so comforting about finding other people, especially people ive looked up to ever since i was little makes things a little better and makes me feel like im not just going to be stuck feeling awful forever. So thank you so much john for making this video and being open to talking about ocd its helped me out a bunch!

  42. @Gibsothian on

    I didnt watch the video but I think this is the universe telling me the end of pizzamas is the root cause of mental illness and so pizzamas should therefore never end. Or maybe it’s just my case of the flu masquerading as the universe. Either way, it makes a strong argument.