Talking Therapy, Mental Health & Counselling with Emma Camara Ortega [963]

Talking Therapy, Mental Health & Counselling with Emma Camara Ortega [963]

Hello listeners. Welcome back to Luke’s English podcast and welcome to this brand new episode of my podcast for learners of English all around the world. How are you doing today? I hope you’re doing fine and that you’ve been enjoying my recent podcast episodes. Uh let me tell you about this one. This is a brand new one and uh this is a a conversation episode and I’m talking today with u Emma Kamar Ortega who is a former colleague of mine. I’ve known Emma for many years. We used to work together as English teachers in the same school. Um, and uh, so I’ve been meaning to talk to Emma for ages on this podcast. I’ve always wanted to get her on the show to talk about the topic of this episode, which, as you can see from the title, is all about therapy, mental health, and counseling. So, Emma and I used to work together at the London School of English. As I said, uh, she used to be an English teacher. we would hang out a lot in the teachers room between classes. We’d go to the pub and stuff uh at the end of the week together. So, uh we’ve spent a lot of time uh working together. And I’ve had lots of my former colleagues on this podcast over the years. Uh long-term listeners might remember, you know, the various guests that I’ve had on the show, people I I used to work with. And so, the thing is about Emma is that uh she no longer works as an English teacher. In fact, I remember when we were working together, she made the step to move into a different career path and she became a therapist and licensed counselor, which was actually quite a long and complicated process because she had to do various different qualifications. She did lots of different types of professional training. She was studying a lot, I remember, uh, as well as working full-time as a teacher. she was doing all her studies and uh nowadays she is a fully licensed uh therapist and counselor. Just a few of those different qualifications she took um her certificate in counseling skills. uh diploma in counseling skills, diploma in psychonamic counseling, a certificate in cognitive behavioral therapy skills, um a certificate in working with couples and other relationships, psychosexual studies, trauma therapy, um all sorts of things. There’s a long list of her different uh professional um training and qualifications and uh so yes, now she works as a fully licensed therapist and counselor helping people with their mental health issues and that is the theme of this episode, therapy, counseling and mental health. So the main themes of our conversation include first of all our background, how we know each other and stuff, but also what counseling actually is, what happens in a counseling session, uh who it’s for and what it’s for, um how talking therapy helps, and it’s commonly called talking therapy. This is a form of therapy that involves talking about the issues that you’re experiencing in order to name it to tame it. Um, which basically is a phrase that’s used uh to explain how naming your troubles, talking about them, describing them helps you to deal with them, helps you to get more perspective and control um in relation to the things that you’re dealing with. I talked to Emma about what is involved in being a counselor, about creating a safe non-judgmental space, the importance of building rapport and trust and confidentiality with the people that you’re working with, compassion, empathy, encouraging self-acceptance, developing an awareness of boundaries, managing relationships with others and self-care, and also just everyday mental health because obviously Um you know mental health is something that we all have to take care of that we all have to deal with. Um of course we all look after our our physical health or we should do you know we do exercise and we stay healthy. We do sport or uh we go to the gym and things like that to keep ourselves in physical shape. We look after our diet and stuff like that. But of course our minds and our mental health are also something that we all should take care of on a daily basis. And that’s another thing that we talk about in this conversation. Um practical habits like the importance of sleep, exercise, getting regular sunlight, access to nature and personal connections. Um the importance of setting boundaries in your life in order to avoid a sort of emotional burnout that so many people experience. uh the relationships we have with our phones these days. Uh the way we use our phones, the way we spend a lot of time scrolling or what is known as doom scrolling, scrolling through social media, looking at the kind of uh often quite negative stuff that you see um in terms of news stories from around the world, how this affects our attention, how this affects our mood and also seasonal things. um something known as seasonal effective disorder, SAD. It’s of often called SAD. Uh and this is a kind of seasonal thing that can affect our mood and our emotional regulation with the changing of the seasons. And for example, I’ve got a lot of listeners um in the United Kingdom, in England. A lot of pe a lot of you listening to this might be in the UK studying from other parts of the world. uh you might have come from a place where the weather is really quite different and this is something that affects a lot of students and lots of learners of English studying in the UK. Uh how to deal with the fact that during the winter we do have quite short days, long nights, a lot of darkness, not so much sunshine. The weather can get on top of you. You can end up under the weather both physically and also in terms of your emotional state. So how do we deal with this? What tips do we have for uh managing the kind of difficult winter months uh in England and indeed in plenty of other places you know you might have similar weather uh where you live. So I hope this is going to be an interesting conversation and a um an insightful conversation. Also I encourage you to reflect of course on your own mental health but also relate this to the importance of maintaining good mental health for your learning of English. Right. Um because obviously we’ve got to keep ourselves in good shape and keeping our minds in good condition. This is a really important sort of baseline foundation foundational thing that we have to maintain in order to make sure we are in tip-top condition in order to learn English as as well as possible. I want you to try to notice plenty of useful vocabulary and phrases relating to mental health and well-being throughout this conversation. As you would expect, um, touching on all these things, you will find, you will hear all sorts of common and useful phrases for talking about this subject. So, watch out for those things. Now, there is a PDF for this episode. It’s a full transcript of the conversation, but also a vocabulary list. And I’ve picked out lots of different words and phrases relating to all the things that I think are relevant in this um, conversation. and you’ll find a full vocab list with uh definitions, example sentences, and uh some uh some questions that you can use to practice actually uh activating this vocabulary for yourself. So, check out the PDF. You’ll find loads of stuff there which will definitely help you to learn English from this uh episode. Thank you to Emma for um being a guest on the show. It was very interesting to talk to her. I really hope you enjoy this conversation that you find it insightful uh helpful and also good for your English. So without any further ado uh I’ll I’ll talk to you again at the end of the conversation for a little bit. But now let’s get straight into it. Let’s meet Emma and talk about mental health talking therapy and counseling. And here we go. So how do we actually know each other? my audience might enjoy knowing how how we first met and stuff. So, how how do we know each other? So, I think I have a memory of meeting you in Westcroft Square in 2006 and you were and you were stressing uh prepping a lesson. it was, you know, 10 minutes before uh lesson time and everybody was stressing and you were cutting stuff out and I don’t know, like prepping something and it was my first day and uh yeah, I think that’s and I don’t think we we spoke on that day but but you were there and um yeah, I think we started work essentially at the same time in um at LSE at the London School of English. Yes, I was 26, I think, or nearly 27. And uh and the whole bunch of us started around the same time. That was a a great bunch of us, wasn’t it? Yeah. Uh Yeah. And you left before me. I left in 2016 and you left in 2014. Was it 2012? Oh, 2012. Wow. So, I I spent six years teaching at that school. So, you But you put in I guess a decade of teaching there. Yeah. Yeah. And I promised myself I wasn’t going to stay there. More than a decade. I thought a decade is is, you know, a long time, isn’t it? My goodness. A decade of my life. Um, and it was a wonderful time, but I knew that I didn’t want to stay there for for, you know, much longer. So, I I and I did all my counseling training whilst there. Um, I think I probably started soon after I met you. I I did my I did a really short intro course and then I did a certificate and then I did a diploma. Then I did another diploma. Then I did my clinical placement and um I volunteered in various charities and I did all that whilst doing onetoone at LSSE. So over about six years I did that. Right. That’s a that’s a long process, isn’t it? That’s that’s a lot. Um so just to be clear, right? So you started you started teaching English in Spain because you are like your dad is Spanish. You you speak Spanish. You lived in Spain for a long time. Yeah. So you spent sort of like quite a long time teaching English in Spain, then came to London and and eventually you found you you found a a job uh at the London school like me. Uh but then after quite a few years of teaching English, you decided yeah that you would move into being a a counselor. So counseling and therapy. Um yeah. So yeah, why did you make that change then from English teaching to counseling? So, I I became an English teacher because, as you said, my dad’s Spanish. I wanted to live in Spain. I thought, “Okay, I need to earn a living whilst I’m out there.” I really enjoyed it, but I knew that I didn’t want to do it forever. So, I came to London specifically to study and to find out what I wanted to do. And whilst I was doing that, I also needed to earn a living. So that’s why I worked in the school and I guess I I was looking for more fulfillment. I I didn’t feel very fulfilled. Um I loved parts of the job. I loved the you know the getting to know people and the supporting them and the kind of counseling type bits of the job are the bits that I really enjoyed. Um, but I wanted something more fulfilling because you were teaching onetoone. Yeah, you you were teaching onetoone mainly because I I did a mix. I was doing a lot of group courses and but there were some teachers who sort of did mostly onetoone. So you’re doing mostly onetoone. So that’s sitting down with one person um in these sessions. Does it is it quite similar to counseling? Yeah, it can be. Yeah, very much so. you know, you’ve got the kind of the nervous um you know, people are often nervous on day one and you’ve got to build rapport and build trust and kind of get to know them and work out how to help them and um collaborate and support them on their learning journey. So there are lots of crossovers and and as you said I I did mainly onetoone and sometimes I would teach onetoone for weeks or months so you get to know the person very well and um yeah it’s very much about I think counseling and teaching you know you kind of want to create a safe uh environment so that they can learn and trust you and um yeah, thrive, I guess. Yeah. And there sometimes with teaching onetoone or teaching English in general, you find that with your students, you’re not just teaching them English, but you’re also kind of helping them uh with their motivation or helping them with the way they feel about themselves. It’s like a very personal thing. And there is a certain amount of kind of what’s the word for it? guidance and coaching with um them the mental side of it as as well I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. massively confidence building and um you know kind of exploring what issues they have and kind of practicing um you know working on whatever they want to work on really and I suppose with counseling it’s it’s the same you know they come in of sometimes people come in and they don’t know what they want to work on and that’s fine other times people are very specific but with counseling again it’s very much about having that safe space where people can explore and creating that trusting relationship. Um without that you can’t do the work really without that trust and without that rapport. Yeah. So that seemed to be the thing that you were enjoying or the thing that you kind of moved towards. So just tell me about counseling like um what what is counseling? What does it look like? What do you do? So that’s um that’s a good question. So it’s it’s essentially a as I said a safe space, you know, a confidential space where you can explore whatever you want with someone who’s trained to listen and trained to unpack um what’s going on for you. Essentially, that’s what it is. you know, a place to explore thoughts and feelings and experiences, to be witnessed, to um to work alongside somebody trying to um I’ve got very interested in um neuroscience recently and essentially counseling is about creating a safe place where you can rewire the brain in in healthier ways, where you can learn about a safety and trust and regulation and processing and connection so that you can, you know, make real changes for yourself going forward. Is it it’s it’s talking therapy, right? That’s how it’s often described. Is that is that right? Yeah. So So you’re you’re there to listen to the person. I mean I mean so you’re kind of encouraging them to talk about things that are bothering them and in the process of talking about it that’s a sort of therapeutic thing right I’m sure there’s a lot more to it than that but uh that’s just like a basic definition yeah and can I just say as well that you know some people don’t feel ready to talk and that’s fine you know sometimes silence has its place. Um sometimes people want to draw um and then you know something will come up from that. Um but yeah so we say um name it to tame it. So by by talking about something, by actually putting a name to your feelings, you can actually calm that alarm system of the brain, the amygdala, um, which makes feelings seem much less overwhelming. And, you know, it can really help process, help organize thoughts and feelings. It can help regulation. It can help reduce uh, distress. And it can really bring about a lot of clarity. You know, as I’m sure you know, you know, when you talk to somebody about what’s going on for you, sometimes it can feel a whole lot clearer getting it out and you know, especially if somebody is um, you know, is validating and a good listener and is is up for just exploring it with you. you know, to get it out of your head and to kind of get it in the room and you can kind of kind of examine it and look at it look at different perspectives and um yeah, compassion is is very important with what I do as well because if if you’re um you know in the compassionate presence of somebody then it can really reduce that really harsh uh self-critical voice that some people have and that shame um you know I think we all carry around a lot of shame and it can really help selfacceptance um you know by by you know saying stuff that you’re really that you’re really ashamed of or really distressed by and have somebody just listen compassionately can really help you process that and feel less shame about it. What sort of things do people talk about? What are the problems that people have when they come to you? I mean, um, you know, there’s different different sort of sizes of problem. I guess some people probably have really major issues that they need to deal with, but then you know, counseling is for everyone, right? So, um, what are the sort of typical things that people will talk to you about? So um people often talk about relationship stuff. Um I it’s either you know um simply put I suppose it’s about the relationship with ourselves you know um how we how we feel about ourselves you know maybe um like we were saying before you know critical inner voice um lack of confidence uh you know negative thinking or and or so often it’s overlapping problems Um most of the time it’s overlapping problems relationship with others. So um relationships, romantic relationships, uh relationships with friends, with family members. Um people come to see me because they’re feeling depressed or anxious about things. Maybe they’re grieving. Maybe they’re experiencing work problems. Maybe they’ve experienced trauma growing up or, you know, very unhappy or distressing family life. Um, trauma as a child. Uh, maybe it’s problem coping with everyday life. Maybe they have autism or ADHD. Maybe they’ve been diagnosed with a personality disorder of some sort. So, you know, it can be lots of different types of things, but often they’re all overlapping, right? So, wow. Yeah. Must be difficult to um sort of deal with that. I mean, uh I mean, you’re trained, but uh that must be that must be quite overwhelming for you. I would imagine someone’s coming in and you’re kind of unpacking all of the issues they’re dealing with. I would feel like um pretty sort of overwhelmed by the responsibility. me. Yeah. Well, I I have to remember that, you know, I can’t fix it. You know, counseling doesn’t fix it. It’s just about creating the right conditions to be able to um to explore and and help the person, help themselves, I guess, you know, help to find help to deal with it. Yeah. and help them to understand. Yeah. To help them get a sense of what it is they’re dealing with, which will help them to carry on. Cuz I suppose if you don’t talk to anyone and these problems build up and up and you lose all perspective of them, uh then yeah, you can end up in a very vicious cycle where that becomes that leads to very damaging behavior. But talking to someone else, yeah, can help you get perspective and and help you find ways to deal with it. But yeah, you’re not necessarily there to fix things. No. And I can’t I can’t fix things, you know. I can I can be there. I can support. I can explore. I can be curious. I can be interested. I can care, you know. So, I can um create all these conditions and together we create all these conditions. So, it’s not just me, you know, it’s me and my client. Um and self-awareness is everything. Once you can understand something better, like you say, then you know what you’re dealing with. Then all of a sudden, um maybe you can feel a bit more empowered to say, okay, this is what I’m dealing with. These are my options. What what do I want to do about it? You know, um yeah, so is it it’s a very important role. Um right, so um um you know why do why is it important for counselors to exist you know and and uh why do people need counselors in their lives you know why do people need counselors in their lives I mean I suppose what I mean is um um why why is it hard for people not people to do the same thing or deal with the same thing in their own personal lives that that um your role is to provide them with something that perhaps they don’t have in their in their other Yeah. Yeah. You mean why why can’t we just speak to friends or is that what you mean? Well, you know Yeah. I mean, you know, before who did people speak to before? Their priest, their vicar, I don’t know, you know, their teacher, um, their friends. So these people can still be incredibly supportive and some people find that that’s enough. You know, if you have very good friends who are good at listening and really supportive, then that’s that’s maybe enough for some people. But of course, counselors are trained and they’re impartial and um you know, they focus entirely on you. There’s no agenda. You know, with friends, even the loveliest friends, sometimes Sometimes they can they can be a bit dismissive. Say, “Oh, you know, don’t be silly. You don’t have to worry about that.” Um, yeah. Or or they can say, “Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I had that problem.” And then they start talking about themselves, you know? Do you see what I mean? And then it takes away from And then it takes away from you. Yeah. even your closest friends and you know people in your family that you love and you’re very close to there’s still a kind of dynamic there you know in your relationship which is perhaps not the appropriate space for unloading all of your all of your issues and also maybe you want to be able to talk to someone impartial so that you can then be a stronger person for your friends and and family so you’re not sort of burdening them uh with the responsibility of of you know listening to you and all that stuff and sometimes Sometimes we just don’t have time, you know, there’s no there’s no way of breaking the normal kind of uh rhythms of friendship and family, you know, to to to find the space for that. And and often, you know, if you speak to your mom or your wife or your best friend or or whatever that the relationship, like you say, you’re too kind of emotionally close to be able to to be objective, you know, whereas because I’m separate, you know, I don’t know them and I’m separate from the situation, I can kind of see things more clearly in in some ways, you know, and of course sometimes I get it wrong and you know, we kind of explore that. But I I kind can kind of, you know, I’m I’m impartial and I’ve done a lot of training to to um to work on my stuff, which hopefully means that I’m I’m kind of aware of, you know, my stuff. So I keep myself out of the room and I’m able to have that separation. Um or you know I’m aware of stuff coming up for me possibly in the room which can be really useful as well. Um so so I think just the fact that there is that impartiality and um that that space I guess you’re you’re creating that space for somebody. Um so that they can they can figure stuff out. And I’m on that journey with them. These days it’s um it’s like a lot more acceptable to talk about your mental health and stuff like that than it used to be, isn’t it? Um um uh but people talk about a mental health crisis as well. Um certainly in the UK probably it’s the same in lots of places. We talk about a mental health crisis. What’s going on there, do you think? Why why do you think there’s uh people are struggling with mental health? Or is it that we just talk about it more so we’re more aware of it now than we were before when people used to hide it? What do you think? I think a bit of both really. I think there are more stressors and less support. Um I think the pandemic left a huge mental health um you know footprint on people especially young people because you know we’re in our 40s but you know people in their 20ies who were in their teens during the pandemic you know that that must have been very difficult for them. Yeah. Um so I think that that has you know has left that trauma has has had a lasting effect on people and you know people are struggling. Let’s face it the world you know watch the news the world’s in a bit of a mess isn’t it? Yeah. Um difficult to get a stable job. Um there’s the cost of living crisis. Um, yeah, support systems maybe aren’t as strong as they once were. Communities maybe aren’t as strong as they once were. The NHS is struggling. Lots of stuff going on. Yeah. So, how does I mean, how will someone know if they should probably go to counseling or therapy? I mean, how what are the signs that someone should listen to or notice, do you think? Yeah. So, everyone can benefit. I you definitely don’t need to be in crisis. You know, the sooner you seek help, the better. Um, but some signs could be um, you know, feeling feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed, having suicidal thoughts, thinking of harming yourself, um, withdrawing. Withdrawing. Yeah. withdrawing from from people. You know, when people are depressed, when people get very depressed or suicidal, they often withdraw. You know, they go into themselves. They don’t, you know, it’s more difficult to reach out. Um, so when you feel yourself doing that, it’s very important to do the opposite of what you feel. You feel like withdrawing and just staying at home and not talking to people, it’s very important to do the opposite. to reach out, phone someone, seek professional support, um talk to a friend, um you know, problems sleeping, feeling completely overwhelmed with life. So, you know, those are some good reasons to speak to somebody like me, but as I said, everyone can benefit and you don’t have to wait until you’re in a crisis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um what do you think are ways to kind of look after your mental health? uh you know as well as going and seeking help what are some of the other kind of crucial things do you think that can help someone stay mentally healthy in their day-to-day life I think sleep maybe we don’t talk about it enough but sleep is really really important to get good quality sleep to sleep enough you know it underpins everything else we process a lot of trauma during sleep our you know brains have a chance to process and organize stuff during sleep. So, that’s really important. And poor sleep is linked to um higher risk of mental health problems, higher risk of anxiety, stress, low resilience. Um so, sleep’s a big one. So, I try and get about eight hours. Don’t always manage it, but I I try. Um connection of course you know what we’re talking about really um talking to people um feeling connected and supported by friends by family having supportive relationships in our life. Um exercise very important. It boosts those mood mood regulating chemicals, you know, serotonin and dopamine and all that that good stuff. Um, so that’s yummy bit lovely bit. I love a bit of seroton in me. Yeah. So that’s really really important. I never feel like going to the gym, but after coming out of the gym, I always feel great. Um, and of course, you know, some people hate exercise, so you know, maybe or some people hate the gym and that’s fine, but you know, try and go for a walk or, you know, find what works for you. Find something that you enjoy and apparently it doesn’t have to be a huge step either. You know, sometimes just walking around the block or just going out for a half an hour walk can make a huge difference. Yeah. because you you get some exercise but also getting some sunlight is actually really important. Yeah, sunlight and green spaces they can regulate our circadian rhythms. So, um you know very important for regulating when we feel sleepy or when we feel alert and regulates mood as well. So, you know, getting out in nature really important. Um, like you say, sunlight really important. And it doesn’t have to be, as I said, it doesn’t have to be a a kind of a gym session. Like you said, it can just be a gentle walk in, you know, in a green space. It can be stretching. It can be just movement of some sort. It’s really important. And of course, fun. It’s important to have fun and to rest and have boundaries, you know, to Do you know what I mean by boundaries? Well, yeah, I do. Yeah. But I mean, you mean boundaries in in sort of in your personal life or Well, well, not I’m not sure I know exactly what you mean by that. So, so therapists, we talk about boundaries a lot. So, basically, we’re talking about um you know, limits. You know, we can’t be there for everybody. We can’t do everything. We can’t you know, um work all the hours under the sun. you know, we need to have boundaries in order to look after ourselves. Um Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, think of it like I don’t know if this is a good analogy, but think of it like a garden and you’ve got your fence around your garden. You know, that’s your boundary. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Go on. And and I was just going to say everything in your your garden is your responsibility. you know, all the weeds and the the grass and the flowers and all of that you have to look after and that’s your responsibility, but you know, everything out of that isn’t your responsibility. So, it’s it’s good to think of it like that because I have a lot of people coming to see me and they has they struggle with boundaries. You know, you know what you were saying about responsibility. People feel that they’ve got to become they feel responsible for everybody. they’ve got to save or help everybody and they forget about themselves. You know, I think that’s probably I mean I don’t know, but I’m guessing that it’s probably quite common that people feel this sense of first of all having an impact on everyone else. Like they’re concerned that they’re going to um if they if they share their problems that they’re going to uh transfer their problems to other people. They don’t want to make life difficult for anyone else. Um and yet at the same time they also feel sort of a responsibility for everyone in their lives especially like parents you know especially like you know parents who’ve got children or just when you think of family connections you feel responsible for everybody else and that you feel that sense of burden um and a sense of kind of control of you want to make sure everyone else is all right and that that sense of responsibility can really be quite heavy. Um so is that maybe that’s what you’re talking about when you talk about boundaries you’re saying that this is this is where you are this is what you’re responsible for and to a certain extent anything that’s beyond this boundary you know you can just sort of like not worry about it so much I guess well yeah or you know it’s very human to to care about people you love and to want to be able to help them and you know so I think it’s really natural to feel that sense of responsibility and that burden like you Okay. But at the same time, I think it’s important to think about, you know, the boundary. What is your responsibility? You know, what can you realistically do? You need to protect your your time, your energy. Um, you know, you need to have personal limitations, otherwise um otherwise you’re going to get burnt out. Otherwise, you’re going to suffer. And then you can’t help the people you love. So in my job, you know, one of the things they teach us when we do our training is, you know, we have to have really strong boundaries, you know. So my when I see somebody, you know, we have uh we see each other for about an hour, you know, if I didn’t have that boundary, you know, that could go on for an hour and a half or two hours. And you know, a boundary protects everybody. you know, it’s um people know people can feel safe when they know what the boundary is. Um Yeah. And and talking about you and your boundaries in your job, I mean, do you not ever get clients where it sort of starts to affect the rest of your life? So, do you ever find yourself being bothered by uh or I mean worrying about and thinking about clients and their problems outside of your sort of working day. Yes, sometimes. Um but again, that’s where the training comes in and the you know the boundaries. Um yeah, I you know I’m human and I care for all my clients and you know I know them really well. So yeah, I I can think about them and often do and worry about them. Um but at the end of the day, um you know, I I know that we have, you know, our work is done in the therapeutic hour and I can’t you know, I can’t help them outside of that hour. You know, hopefully that hour provides them with the the skills and the coping mechanisms they need. um so that they can as I said feel empowered to help themselves you know it’s quite disempowering trying to help people when you know actually they they need to to help themselves maybe they they don’t want to be saved you know often people want to help themselves or some people do want to be saved you know it depends on the person and we we would talk about that you know what does that feel like where does that come from that feeling feeling Yeah, it is fascinating though, isn’t it? God, we’re so such complicated creatures, aren’t we? Yeah. And I’ve always found it fascinating, you know, people and behaviors and our motivations. And so, I’ve always been interested, which is, I guess, why I chose this profession. It is fascinating because it’s it’s endless, right? Yeah. I mean, what are some of the most common things that you notice in people? like what what are the what are the things that mess with our heads? Is it do you find it’s often the same kind of thing? Yeah, we’re we’re all very similar in some ways. Um so um you know anxiety and depression are very common. Um, a lot of us, um, you know, we can have very critical inner voice. We’re often a lot kinder to other people than we are ourselves. We often have, you know, very high standards for ourselves, but we’re, yeah, a lot kinder to our loved ones. So, I say to people sometimes, you know, would you the way you talk to yourself, would you speak to your best friend like that or would you treat them like that? would you have those standards for them? And they say no. And I say, so why is it okay for you to speak to yourself like that? So, you know, so that’s a common one. and boundaries as we said and that sense of responsibility for everybody, you know, that kind of um that need to to fix people or save people which can sometimes which can sometimes mean that people really deplete themselves. Um yeah, so so that’s a big one, you know, people pleasing. Um you know, what’s that? What’s what’s that? Um I think many people of us many many of us have been brought up to to kind of to be polite and to say yes please and to you know to to not be difficult and to to please other people basically. And um and often it can cause lots of problems because you’re afraid of hurting the other person. You’re afraid of disappointing them. You’re afraid of letting them down. You’re afraid of being disliked. So you can find yourself living a life that’s not yours. You know, saying yes to everything and then going home and thinking, “Oh god, why did I say yes to that and now I’ve got to do that?” And you know, and some people even end up in careers that they don’t like just because 20 years down the line, you know, their parents told them they had to be this or they had to be that. And you see what I mean? So, it’s I think it can be really hard to um to sit with that discomfort of of disappointing people or displeasing people in some way because we’ve a lot of us have been brought up to be so so polite. Yeah. Not that it’s bad to be polite but No, no. No, but at the same time, yeah, you it be it becomes damaging when you go you start bending over backwards to try and, you know, make everyone else happy around you and and you suffer as a result. Yes. Very common, isn’t it? Yeah. We all do it, you know. I do it. I’m sure you do it. Um Yeah. Oh, yeah. But I but I guess it’s the degree to which we do it, you know. Sometimes it can be quite extreme. Yeah. And and to to the extent that you’re aware of it as well. Um Right. Because you might be aware of it and you might think, you know, well, this this is this is the extent to which I’m going to people please and then I won’t people please any more than that. But, you know, you don’t want to cut it out completely sometimes because you don’t want to be a completely self-interested person. You know, it’s like the B you got to get the balance right. um being aware of it can mean that it doesn’t get to a point where yeah you’re suffering as a result of it. Exactly. So it’s all about awareness. So you know in in a counseling session you can talk about that and become more aware of it when you do it. Why do you do it? Do you want to do it? Do you want to do it a little bit less? You know is it helpful? Is it not helpful? How does it affect your life? You know you can explore all of that. Um, yeah. So, so yeah, it’s it’s really really interesting. What do you think about, we were talking about our lifestyles, getting exercise, getting sleep, and stuff like that. These lifestyle things, I guess. I mean, I I I’m no expert. I’m just coming at to this as a sort of lay person, I suppose. I did an A level in psychology um a long time ago, but that’s far from uh far from the actual practice of doing counseling. But um so we talked about lifestyle stuff and I guess this is important for not exacerbating things that if you if you’re not getting enough sleep, if you’re not getting enough sunlight and doing exercise, then your general baseline level of mental health is going to be pretty poor. You’re going to be much more at risk of, you know, um having perhaps more severe um anxiety, depression, and things like that. Um, so talking about lifestyle, what about uh what about phones? How do you think phones affect people’s um mental health? I think that doom scrolling is um, you know, can be very problematic and yeah, they’re incredibly addictive, aren’t they? So I, you know, I think that they’re definitely a coping mechanism um for um you know, if we’re feeling stressed or if we’re feeling overwhelmed. I can find myself in the evening, for example, just you know, on my phone for hours reading. They’re just so useful as well, aren’t they? There’s everything everything on the phone. I think it’s really important to be aware of how um it’s affecting you. And for example, sometimes I can pick up my phone, open my, you know, Guardian app, start reading about world events and immediately I can start feeling anxious. I, you know, I’m really really aware of that that sense of, oh god, you know, what’s what’s happened now? So, I think it’s really important to be aware of how it’s affecting you and to put some limitations, again, boundaries, some limitations on it, you know. Um, do you really want to be on your phone for several hours a day? I know I don’t. Um, you know, I do I do allow myself a few hours in the evening, as I said, to, you know, mindlessly scroll on Facebook or read the news. Um, probably more than I should. Um, I don’t have a teenager, so you know, I’m I’m not really sure about this, but my my impression is that teenagers have have quite um, you know, a problematic relationship with with phones because it’s just they’re just so addictive. So, I think important to put limits on it. Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. for for younger people who have come into the world uh uh after phones arrived, you know, where where that’s just totally normal, like people who don’t know what life is like without these devices. I can imagine how difficult it is to try and live a life without, you know, live a life offline or live your life without constantly being hooked up to a to a phone in some way. That must be really hard. I mean like in to an extent like phones are quite um um what’s the word? I don’t know. Evil is not the word but um the way they creep into your life. They’re very cleverly designed obviously to always maintain your attention um at all times. So that that’s kind of what they do. They sort of manipulate our attention, force us to always be on whatever platform it is. And uh that might not be that might not be very good for us. Uh but yeah, it’s it’s it’s important to recognize that and keep it in check. Yeah, it’s also important to recognize or to to think about, you know, do they um do they help young people in some ways and I’m sure in many ways they do. you know, some people um have, you know, maybe for us old people, it’s hard to understand, but you know, I think a lot of young people, they um they have a lot of all their social connections online. You know, there’s a whole world online that’s keeping them connected. Um which is a great source of support for them perhaps. Um so important to recognize that support and and joy as well, right? I mean fun, joy. Yeah. Um Yeah. So I I think I think it’s easy to to um you know badmouth phones but or social media. And I think h maybe I’m not sure if if it’s more negative than positive, but I definitely think that it’s very important for some people and offers offers some people a lot. If boundaries is the key word uh for this uh episode, then I guess it’s it is about boundaries with the phone as well because uh where was I reading? I was probably scrolling on my phone and I read this, ironically enough, but I read that things like certain habits with your phone are worse than others. And one of the things that we apparently shouldn’t do is when we wake up in the morning, the first thing is to look at your phone, which is what of course everybody does, which is quite sad. I think that that often the first thing we do is, you know, just reach for our phones and start looking at the screen. Apparently, this is really bad for you because of you talked about circadian rhythms that being exposed to the light from the phone is not the best way to start the day. That you should avoid the phone, eat, drink water, have a decent breakfast, and try and get the sun on your face before you you go into your phone. Yeah. And you know, I’m guilty of it myself, you know. Um I I know that when I wake up, I know what I should do. I know that I should stretch. I should listen to bird’s song. I should, you know, I don’t know, be aware of what’s coming up for me in my body, you know, but but my alarm goes off, you know, which is on my phone. I pick up my phone and then and then to stop myself from falling back to sleep, I start reading something, you know. So, um yeah, they’re just incredibly convenient, aren’t they? Incredibly convenient and addictive. Um yeah so so it’s about finding finding healthier I suppose healthier habits and experimenting you know don’t be afraid to experiment with different things like um a friend of mine recently she she had um you know a whole weekend where she didn’t use any technology you know no phone all weekend and you know she said it was wonderful so I think you know it’s good to try these things so that we can compare hair, you know, what does that feel like? Um, I love it actually. I mean, it’s really hard for me not to be on my phone all the time because obviously a lot of my work is online stuff. So, I’ll just in the evening once the kids are finally asleep, I’ll get I’ll just instantly go to my laptop and do something. But, uh, I’m really trying to, you know, just like read books or just do something else where I’m not on my device. And it’s it is much nicer. I do feel better when I do that. Do you think that our attention spans have been affected by the phones? Because I think mine has definitely it’s hard to hard to sit down and get into a book, for example, because you know, you get the instant gratification from the phone, don’t you? And yeah, it’s it’s like a challenge for me to just sit and just read without it’s almost automatic. your arm goes down to your phone and you’re looking at and I’ve talked about this on the podcast before where you think, “Oh, I’m just going to check the weather for tomorrow, which is like a a good thing to check. You know, it’s you planning for the next day. I’ll just check the weather.” And you go on your phone, oh, there’s a notification from this thing. And then you look at the notification and then you’re into that particular social media uh platform and then you’re scrolling through and then you’re on one thing and then you’re in a rabbit hole and then you go, “Oh, I’ve got to put my phone away for goodness sake. Can you put it you close it and put it away and then you’re like, “Oh, but I forgot to check the weather.” Then you go back in again and then you’re off again on some other trip, you know, somewhere else. Um, that happens to me all the time. Yeah, I think that’s a very common thing with phones. It’s Yeah, it’s a it’s a funny thing, but uh yeah, setting boundaries and stuff like my wife and I, we went through a period where we decided no phones in the bedroom. That was good. That was a good thing. We had a a specific shelf um in the living room where we would put our phones and we had we bought old-fashioned alarm clocks. And when I say old-fashioned alarm clocks, I don’t mean wind up tick tock tick- tock ones, but just, you know, like digital alarm clocks. Those are oldfashioned alarm clocks now. Um and uh that was that was good. That was a good time. We should go back to doing that. Why did you stop? I don’t know. No, I think they the phones crept their way back in somehow. I guess maybe one of us started using the phone once and then the other one was like, “Well, all right then.” And then, you know, then the next thing you know, or maybe you get ill one, you know, one week and so you end up with your phone in the bed and then, you know, you just sort of like get out of the habit. I suppose habits are important. Yeah, they are. I always have my my phone on silent always because I can’t stand I can’t stand the constant pings you know it’s um feels very intrusive. Um yeah I and I try to yeah I try to limit the the use um because I want to be living life you know I want to be experiencing life in the moment. I I was watching I was I was standing by a river I think yesterday and you know it was very beautiful and the sun was sparkling on the water and there were swans and you know somebody had their phone out and they were filming it and I thought no I just want to you know be in the moment like when you see lots of people at Glastenbury for example and they’re all on the you know they’re all filming everything I think do you really watch this back afterwards you know I’m not sure but It’s it’s like like you say, it’s a habit, isn’t it? We’ve all we’ve all got into the habit of filming everything. It’s funny that though, isn’t it? That you film the moment that you’re experiencing like this this beautiful river with the swan on it. You’re filming the swan. You’re not actually looking at the swan. You’re actually looking at your phone while it’s filming the swan and then later you’re watching it again. So you never at any point did you actually genuinely experience the swan on the river. Instead you you it was mediated through your phone the entire time. So it’s probably better I mean I don’t know it’s probably tell you what the best thing is is if you if you look at the swan and enjoy actually seeing it with your own eyes while your friend films it and then they and then they send you the video later. Um yeah. Um but no, it’s true. Yeah, you got to try and just enjoy things in the moment. I I guess if if possible. Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s really important. Put put our phones away and Yeah. just be be in the moment and see what comes up for us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Okay. All right. Well, that’s nice. You’re in uh Abberiswith, are you? Are you in Are you still Are you in Abberiswith at the moment? in Wales. Can you say it? Abberistwith. Aberistwith. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It’s not one of It’s not the most difficult Welsh place name. No. No. Um yeah, I’m in Aberristwith. So, um yeah, it’s a lovely seaside university town. My mom um is from a a village nearby called Devil’s Bridge. And when I was about eight, we moved from Hampshire to here when I was eight. And then when I was when I was 18, that’s when I moved to Spain. So, you know, I’ve got a lot of roots here and um my mom lives here and you know, we’ve got a lovely house here and I’ve got other family here. And um after finishing in LSE and doing all my training in London, I went traveling for a bit. I had a baby and then I moved back here. So, yeah, I’ve been here for about about eight years now. Yeah. Eight or nine years. Yeah. Back. Yeah. And Yeah. Nice part of the world. Yeah. It’s It’s lovely. It rains a lot. Yeah. Um at the moment at the moment, we’ve had a lovely week of sunshine, which is beautiful. Really, it’s the most beautiful place in the world when the sun’s shining. Um, but the winters can be quite, you know, quite long and and um wet. Um, and I’m not I’m not sure what Paris is like, but maybe um quite cold and wet as well, but cold emotionally. Oh, yeah. It can be. Uh, yeah. No, no. Paris is despite the stereotype where people imagine it’s all flowers blooming and fresh air and stuff. It’s it’s the weather is almost exactly the same as it is in in England. M uh but but uh England has got the reputation England Britain um you know England/ Wales um the weather’s pretty similar across those two countries but uh yeah so Paris gets the it’s got the reputation of having lovely springtime weather but it’s just as gray and and rainy as it is in in you know in London or something like that. Um and yeah, Paris doesn’t have that many green spaces which is a pity. I mean, it’s got wonderful things. Of course, it’s Paris. It’s amazing. Um, and it does have nice parks and there are uh great sort of museums and other cultural things to enjoy. But yeah, one thing I do miss is certainly the green spaces and being surrounded by nature. Whenever I go back to England and go and stay at my parents place, they live in in Warick in the Midlands and it’s uh wonderfully green. Even though it’s a town, you know, quite a busy town, it’s still very green. So that’s a that’s a lovely thing to have. Um yeah, and I am I am affected by the um by the the winters and the weather and as are a lot of people. I get a lot of clients coming to me and you know from from September onwards um and they find that their mood can really dip at these times. So, I think it’s especially important to look after your mental health in the winter during the winter months and to do to do more stuff to protect yourself from from that, you know, those winter blues which are so common. Yeah. People coming from abroad and going to live in the UK, this is definitely going to be one of the things they have to deal with. M um I mean like when you’d lived in in Spain, so you lived in in the south of Spain where it’s very sunny and and hot. Yeah. Like all the time just constantly constant sunshine. Yeah. How boring. I know. It was it was it did get boring after a while. I’m I’m sort of joking because I’ve got Spanish listeners. Um I’m sure it’s fantastic. But um coming so you lived in in Spain there for how long how long? About 10 years or something? Yeah, about 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. And then you moved back to London. So what was that like then? Was it was was it a shock to kind of experience your first London winter? Yeah, it was a bit depressing. It was a shock. I’d forgotten I’d been in Spain for so long. I had got to a point where I just took it for granted. Yeah, I I knew the weather was great obviously, but I think I’d forgotten how bad the weather in the UK was and so yeah, it was a bit of a shock. Yeah, and the the weather where I live in West Wales is even worse than it is in London. So, it’s a shock again. Yeah. So, we’re talking about Yes. as you said, a long winter where it’s from from, you know, October time when the clocks change, right? So the the clocks go back uh and so you end up with the with the sun going down quite early in the evening, you know, like 4:30 in the winter, the the sun can sort of go down. So you end up with these long nights. Even the days can be quite dark if it’s gray overhead and it can be Yeah. dark and wet. So how do you deal with that? Do you have any ways of like dealing with those cold, dark winters that we get? So last year I cheated and I went to my friend’s wedding in Thailand for two for two weeks which was amazing because it really broke up the the winter. Um but you know obviously I can’t afford to do that all the time. So I have a sad lamp which I use sometimes. Um you have a sad lamp. Do you know what a sad lamp is? See effective disorder. Oh right. I thought you meant a lamp that was sad that he maybe talk he should talk talk to you. Right. Sad seasonal effective disorder. Yes. Yes. So I don’t have it with me to show you, but it’s a lamp which you know is very bright and it kind of imitates sunlight and it can lift mood. So I’ve got one of them. I don’t use it a lot, but it’s kind of there if I need it. Um, I try I try and embrace the good stuff about winter. I I try and do lots of sauners. Um, I’m not great at cold water immersion. I’m not sure if you are, but that’s cold water immersion. That’s where you dive into a freezing like um pool of water or you sit in an ice bath. But it’s it’s it’s getting quite popular here and it has real mental health benefits. You do the sauna and then you jump in the sea or you get a bucket of cold water tipped over you and it’s you know it’s supposed to really have um a lot of mental health benefits. Not in the short term because in the short term it’s like ah this is horrible but I suppose yeah I mean I’m joking but uh yeah I understand that yeah it does have benefits. Um um and it’s like a Scandi thing, isn’t it? As well that you look at the Scandinavians. Um and all the things you’re describing are things that are quite typical there. Jumping into cold water after being in a sauna and stuff. It’s become really I don’t know about in England, but in Wales or around where I live, it’s becoming really popular. You know, the whole sauna um cold water immersion thing. Um I try and go to the gym more. Um, and I suppose, you know, um, maybe somebody, uh, there’s a book called Wintering. Somebody told me about it, wintering, which I haven’t read, but I think it’s talking about kind of embracing the changes of the season, you know, that that it’s okay to kind of hibernate and take things slowly and, you know, snuggle up by warm fire and, you know, it’s okay. It’s, you know, a different a different pace of life than than the spring or the summer. And just to kind of embrace it. Yeah, it can be nice. It can be nice. You you wrap up warm, put a nice uh pair of lovely warm socks on, pair of slippers, and Yeah. snuggle up with a blanket, uh nice cup of tea or something, and just enjoy the nice things about the winter. Yes. and you know for for visitors because I’ve got I’ve got people I’ve got quite a lot of people in the UK who listen to this podcast and I don’t think they are you know native English speakers who already from the maybe I’ve got a few but I think most of them are students who’ve traveled to the UK right from around the world and they must be they must experience all this stuff living on their university campuses or whatever or their halls of residence or whatever um they must have these experiences where it’s the first winter you know, they arrive in September or August or something and quite quickly the weather goes downhill like really fast and then they’re plunged into their first year of studying where they’re doing a lot of work and it seems to be dark all the time. But um I guess yeah, we you have to try and enjoy the cozy side of things. Uh but also yeah make an effort to get out uh when the sun if the sun comes out you go outside you know make the most of it and uh get exercise and also remember that it’s not going to last forever that you know um January February can January February can feel kind of bleak because you think this is a never- ending winter but then you get those days in March or April where the sun comes out and it’s just a little bit of warmth and there are daffodils growing, you know, be flowers start to emerge, the blossom comes out, and that’s when you’ve really got to kind of go outside and get a good good take a good uh breath of fresh air and get some sunlight on your skin and and en enjoy those moments. Maybe that’s why British people when the sun shines, we go out and we kind of take our top off and we kind of, you know, um you see people in flipflops in March when it’s still freezing. You got to try and get as much sunlight on your skin as you can in with that little amount of sunlight that’s given. Yeah. Okay. This is really nice, Emma. Very nice to talk to you again. Yeah, it’s really nice to talk to you too, Luke. It’s been, we said, a long time, and it’s just crazy how how quickly time goes, isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. how the how the years pass and life is busy, work is busy, and family’s busy and Yeah. the years just just pass by. So So basically, enjoy them. Yeah. So when you see a swan on a on a nice river with the sun u shining off the surface of the water, just have a good look at it and go, “That swan is very beautiful. Look at the lovely feathers.” Huh. Right. Yeah. And that’s um you know mind have you heard of mindfulness? Mhm. The practice. So that’s basically doing that being in the moment and acknowledging um noticing you know the beautiful feathers on the swan, the the sun glistening on the water. Notice how the breeze feels on your face. you know, being in the moment, which you need, you need to have your phone in your pocket to do that, to really appreciate those things. And, you know, obviously, of course, some people have got their phone out because they’re they’re enjoying this episode of the podcast. So, we’re not suggesting that you just shut it off, but you know, you can always listen to the audio version. And this is the wonderful thing about the audio version of this podcast listeners that you can be looking at a a beautiful swan while also listening uh to the latest episode of the podcast. You don’t have to be uh you know stuck to YouTube. You can always listen to the audio version. There’s an idea. Um all right, Emma. Well, uh if you got a busy day lined up, I’m I’m going to let you go. You’ve probably got stuff to do. Um, today I am going for a walk on the prom because as I said, it’s a lovely sunny day. The sky is blue and we’re going swimming and sauna later. So, Oh, what are you swimming? With my little boy and with my husband in the pool. I’m not brave enough to go in the uh in the sea even though we do have the sea here. Yeah, we’re going swimming. He’s got a my little boy’s got a swimming lesson. So, um, when he’s having a swimming lesson, mommy’s in the sauna. Great. Wonderful. Yeah. What about you? Um, well, I’m going to have my lunch and uh I don’t know. this afternoon. I should be doing I should do some work, but I’m I’m considering taking the afternoon off because uh I feel like I need it feel like I need a little little break before a busy weekend of, you know, doing things with the kids. So, maybe I’ll take an afternoon off. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll edit this episode. I haven’t decided. The the the the afternoon is open. How long can I ask you about that? You might want to edit this out, but um how long does it take you to edit? Well, it depends. It depends. I don’t know really honestly. I don’t know. But I’ll I’ll do a number of editing sessions. So, I tend to kind of when I’m working on something like an episode, normally I don’t just work on one thing at a time. So, I’ll do a bit of editing of an episode, then I’ll switch and do some preparation of something else and then switch. So, I’m always jumping around between doing working on different things. So, I I sometimes don’t really count how long how how much time it takes to edit something, but it’ll it’s probably about double the length of the episode itself, but it depends. Some some require a bit more work. So, some of the episodes I’ll do have to they require tons of work and I’ll spend days on them. Uh but some episodes I think this one won’t require so much work. I’ll just maybe clean up a few little bits and pieces so that won’t be too long. So, maybe double the amount of time that the actual episode takes. If I’m if that’s quick, that’s if I’m being quick. It’s all right. And when when will it be when will it be out? Uh, this will probably go up um late October, beginning of November time. Okay. I reckon. Yeah. You got you’ve got a number of them in the pipeline, have you? I’ve got loads in the pipeline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God. Yes. God, you sound you sound so busy. You must you must spend a lot of time in front of a laptop. I do. Yeah, I do. Like, like I said, I sit here right in this room. I’ve got the laptop here and then there’s a window right in front of me which is mostly the sky that I can see the roof of the building here and then the sky. So, I do sometimes sit back and I’ll just look up at the sky. Look, if it’s a nice blue sky, that’s lovely. Today it’s gray with clouds moving across, but I’ll just kind of like stare out the window for a while, you know, take a break. But, you know, I can just also I go out go out for lunch and sometimes I’ll just go for a walk after lunch. Um, you know, just to kind of take a break from from doing this. Also teach twice a week where I’m in a classroom with a bunch of students. That’s nice. You you have that people people to interact with instead of just a laptop. Yeah. Yeah. Because some people struggle with that. Lots of people that work from home can get quite depressed because they just don’t see people, you know, they they don’t have that personal interaction. It’s really important to have a bit of bit of variation. It’s sort of like a bit of both for me. On one hand, I love working on my own. I like having this my own space and also having the freedom to to to make content in any way I I want. So literally like every week I can upload whatever I want. you know, I can obviously I have to try and make content which I think is going to appeal to my audience and you know and you know I have to try and make the right kind of content but also I do have the option to just do any old funny stupid thing I I I feel like doing and sometimes I’ll do that. Sometimes I’ll work on an episode that is mainly just kind of a bit of a comedy episode maybe, you know. Um and that’s that’s really fun a really fun thing to do. So the fact that I work on my own is kind of balanced out by the fact that I’ve got so much freedom to ex not just teach but express myself you know through through episodes. So that’s good. But then sometimes yeah I just get fed up being on my own if I’m tired and I don’t have any inspiration. Um then but that’s all right. I I go out twice a week and teach. But there are so many things you can do a podcast on, aren’t there? Like even even you know obviously I don’t do a podcast but even I think oh that would be great or that you know a film I’ve seen or music that I like or a place I’ve been or something in the news or you know it’s just endless. It’s it’s really really interesting. Yeah, it’s really stimulating. It’s really really really nice for me. It’s a really great channel for me to uh do all sorts of things. Um so yeah, it’s great. It’s like a a dream job in a way. And um it’s what you wanted to do, wasn’t it? You what? You You’ve worked really hard for what, 10 years now, is it? Oh, no. I’ve been doing this doing the podcast for 16 and a half years. What? 16 and a half years? Oh my goodness. Oh my. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh. Yeah. So, yeah. I kind of always wanted to do something like that, right? something like making things like making some content, some sort of radio thing or making films or something. But uh podcast just continues to be the best thing to do because if you know to work to do radio is so complicated. You got to work your way up in a radio station and then no one really listens to radio anymore. Working in television, it’s the same kind of thing. the industry is not doing very well, but even then, you know, you’ve got to deal with so many other people to get to do the job that you actually want to do and you got to do it on other people’s terms and stuff like that. With this, it’s I can do whatever I want and I I have a very direct uh connection with the audience, the end user of what I’m doing. And so, it’s obviously, you know, a great option, you know. Yeah. you work for yourself like me. It would be really difficult for me to work for someone else again. Yeah, that’s why I liked being freelance in the school. I like being freelance because I felt that I was still, you know, my own boss really, you know, that I could even though obviously the school gave me work. Sorry, I just knocked the table. I hope that’s not a boom. It was a bit of a boom, but it’s okay. You said sorry, I just knocked the table kind of somehow makes it all right. So, that is the end of that conversation. Thank you again to Emma for taking the time to record this uh for the podcast. It was great to finally talk to Emma and as I said, I’ve been meaning to talk about this subject with her for a long time. Uh so, it was really good to actually get it done and uh make this episode for you. Um, I should say if you feel that you’ve been affected by any of the things that came up during this conversation, um, and if you feel like you need uh, help, then I recommend that you search for it. Go out and try and find some counseling or therapy to help you. And this is not just for people who are in a state of crisis. But obviously, if that is you, uh, then do seek help, um, it’s vital that you do that. But even if you’re not in a state of crisis, it’s wise to uh you know to seek uh counseling and therapy just to maintain your mental health uh in general. But anyway, if you if you feel like you’ve been affected by the things that came up, some of the things that came up in this conversation, uh then do go ahead and seek help and I encourage you to do that. If you’re based in the UK, you could find a counselor using the counseling directory which is available at counseling-directory.org.uk. I I’ll put a link for that in the description. Um Emma is listed there. Uh she is um she she works as a psychonamic counselor in private practice in Aberistworth and Wales. you will find her in the counseling directory and you might be able to to look her up. You could possibly look for sessions with her uh specifically if that’s what you’re interested in. Although I know that she’s in very high demand, so she might not be able to um fulfill all the different requests that might might come to her from people. But um you could check her out. But indeed, there are lots of counselors available uh in the counseling directory, counseling-directory.org.uk. UK. Otherwise, if you are elsewhere, then I would just encourage you to search for counselors or therapists uh near you. And I suppose my I suppose the best thing I can say is just I encourage you to go out and actively search for someone. Um you know, I guess there will be counseling services that you can um find and that you can use to find someone. Uh that I think would be a very good idea. Um, let me just remind you about the PDF for this episode which is available in the episode show notes in the description. You’ll see a script of the episode and also a big vocabulary list including loads of words that came up. Obviously, we have, you know, just things like counseling, therapist, uh, talking therapy, uh, a safe space. Counseling offers a safe space to talk about difficult feelings. We talked about confidentiality. Everything you say is treated with confidentiality. So whatever you say in your session is considered to be private and confidential. It’s kind of secret. It’s not going to be publicly shared with anybody. Um Emma talked about the importance of building raort and trust with the people you’re working with. Raport is a really useful word and it just basically refers to a good harmonious working relationship uh with other people and it’s not just used in the context of therapy and counseling. We talk about raor in terms of between the the the members of a team. You build raore with your colleagues. As a teacher, I build raore with my learners. Um so you establish a good raort. That’s a good working relationship. It is a French word and we sort of we pronounce it like a French word without the t. So we it’s not ra but ra a p o r t but it’s pronounced raor. Uh good teachers build raor with their students. Therapists establish raor with their uh clients. Um other words, we talked about boundaries. We talked about avoiding burnout. We talked about people pleasing. Are you a people pleaser? The sort of person who often goes out of their way uh to make other people around them happy. People pleasing can make you live a life that isn’t really yours. you end up bending over backwards to make the people around you happy. You end up saying yes to things or agreeing to things or sort of going out of your way to try and please other people uh which sometimes isn’t necessarily the best thing for you. Uh we talked about having an inner voice, a critical inner voice. Think about the way that you you talk to yourself. um the kind of judgmental part of your thinking a lot of the time we we all have very critical inner voices uh which can be very damaging you know and where does that come from potentially that comes from our parents when we were growing growing up if our parents were very critical very harsh with us if they didn’t give us a lot of praise that’s reflected in the way that we talk to ourselves and you know it’s very common for people to be very harsh harsh with themselves, which can lead to a lot of painful uh feelings and a lack of self-esteem, um feelings of shame. Um the all of these words are in my list. So, check out the PDF uh to find them. Uh and it includes, you know, all these words like depression, anxiety, uh feeling overwhelmed, um withdrawing emotionally. So that’s where you cut yourself off from the rest of the world. You withdraw and go in and live in your own little bubble. Um we talk about self-care, coping mechanisms or coping strategies. Uh ways that we cope with difficult situations and counselors or therapists often work on providing coping mechanisms or coping strategies, ways to deal with uh difficult situations, ways to manage them. Um, and the list goes on, right? Mindfulness, grounding, uh, things can trigger you or be triggering, the list goes on. I I will let you check out the, uh, list uh, for yourself. Um, the link is in the description for the PDF. But that’s it listeners. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for watching if you’ve been watching this on YouTube. And, um, yeah, have a lovely afternoon, evening, morning, or night. Uh, I look forward to reading any comments that you have if you’ve got anything that you can relate to this episode. Um, and generally look after yourselves, okay? Be nice to each other. I always say that, be excellent to each other, but don’t forget to be excellent to yourself as well. And if you got to the end of this episode, it’s a fairly long episode, like many of my episodes are. If you made it and you survived all the way through to the end here without turning into a skeleton with headphones on, then well done. you give yourself a good pat on the back. Congratulations to you for being such a brilliant uh listener and listening all the way through to the end. Um have a lovely morning, afternoon, evening or night. Be excellent to each other and to yourselves. And I will speak to you next time. But for now, it’s time to say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

[963] Emma Camara Ortega and I worked together as English teachers years ago, but since then Emma has become a licensed counsellor and therapist – helping people with their mental health. In this episode, Emma talks to me about what is involved in counselling, and we discuss some everyday habits to promote good mental health. This should be full of interesting insights and helpful tips for mental wellbeing, which is so vital for our general lives but also to help us learn as effectively as possible. Full transcript and vocabulary list available.
Get the PDF transcript & word list 👉 https://teacherluke.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/Talking-Therapy-Mental-Health-Counselling-with-Emma-Camara-Ortega-963.pdf
Episode page on my website 👉 https://teacherluke.co.uk/2025/11/24/talking-therapy-mental-health-counselling-with-emma-camara-ortega-963/
LEP Premium 👉 https://www.teacherluke.co.uk/premium
Emma Camara Ortega in the UK Counselling Directory 👉 https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/emma-camara-ortega