I was enjoying life. My days were spent writing and researching stories I care about. My evenings revolved around long, gossipy dinners or gigs with friends. Weekends were for country walks with my boyfriend. So… why, a few months ago, did I find myself fantasising about crashing my car while driving home from the gym?
I’ve lived with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), with health being a big trigger, since my teenage years. At one point, this anxiety led to a suicide attempt. Older and (kinda) wiser, I now know that I’d never act on those thoughts, but it doesn’t stop my brain throwing the odd mental banana skin my way, attempting to trip me up every now and then. So when I was struck again, I ‘did the right thing’ and visited my GP, who referred me for therapy. Only the waiting list was… eight months long.
Many of us who live with a ‘common mental health condition’ (like anxiety, burnout, OCD or depression) are all too familiar with that experience. The number of people waiting for NHS support currently sits at an estimated 1.7 million – a 30% increase year-on-year. The Mental Health Foundation adds that women aged 16 to 24 are nearly three times more likely to struggle than men of the same age – and 63% of us cannot afford private therapy. So where does that leave us? A chat with your GP to discuss getting on the waiting list and starting medication (if that feels right for you) is absolutely still the best place to start. But I’ll admit I came away feeling deflated, like I had little choice but to sit and rot in my brain-prison in the interim.
Thankfully, there are things we can do to feel less out of control and, luckily, my job means having experts on speed dial who can off er advice on exactly how…
HOW TO BUILD A SELF-HELP BOX
In the depths of my anxiety, all I felt able to do was lie in a dark room, eating food from packets. Being told to make ‘lifestyle changes’ is nauseating when all your energy is spent trying to prevent your darkest thoughts from taking control. But the truth is, lifestyle tweaks – along with leaning on those closest to you and talking – can really help. ‘[Particularly] with anxiety, sleep issues, burnout and mild depression,’ says Debbie Keenan, an integrative psychotherapist and Counselling Directory member.
She’s talking about locking in the ‘basics’: what we eat and drink, our sleep routine, who we spend time with and how often we exercise. Whenever I have these core wellbeing pillars together, I feel far more capable – and, typically, it’s when I’ve let those things slide that a dip in my mental health follows.
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STEP 1: SLEEP ON IT
Locking in a bedtime routine is crucial. When we’re really going through it, our sleep is unpredictable, swinging from wanting to stay in bed all day to tossing, turning and feeling like it will never come. It can feel so out of our control, but there are things we can try to keep a routine. For me, that means (during an anxiety peak) avoiding my phone for at least 90 minutes before bed, drinking valerian root tea and getting into bed no later than 10pm – and rising at 6am every day.
Keeping consistent is key: a pooled analysis of eight studies (of over 3,000 adults) shows the body can respond to even an hour’s difference in sleep and wake times by triggering inflammation, which in turn can feed into a stress cycle and cause physical symptoms, too (such as heart palpitations). The greater the night-to-night variability in timing and sleep duration, the stronger the link to anxiety, depression and insomnia.
Of course, everyone’s lifestyles pose different challenges (eg, I don’t have children who disturb my sleep), but carving out a bedtime ritual that works for you, taking prescribed medication, or something over-the-counter if needed, and avoiding caffeine and alcohol as much as you can, are great goals when you’re struggling. A warm, not boiling, shower before bed can also encourage melatonin (the sleep hormone), as can ensuring your bedroom is at a cool temperature. For busy brains at night, having a vagus-nerve soothing soundtrack playing in the background as you drift off can do a lot, too.
STEP 2: TRUST YOUR GUT
You know how we say ‘it felt like a gut punch’ or ‘sick to my stomach’ when something stressful happens? There’s science behind that. ‘I don’t think you can or should replace therapy, but there are definitely things you can do to support yourself,’ says VJ Hamilton, a British Association for Nutrition and Lifestyle Medicine-recognised nutritionist and functional medicine practitioner. ‘For me, one of the biggest turning points in managing my own anxiety came from working on my gut health. I used to live in a constant state of worry. I didn’t realise how much my diet and nervous system were feeding into that.’
For Hamilton, rebuilding involved taking a six-month break from alcohol, focusing on whole foods and prioritising rest and movement. ‘Within weeks, I felt calmer and more balanced – it wasn’t a magic fix, but it was the start of real change,’ she shares. ‘[Around] 90% of our serotonin (the feel good chemical) is made in the gut, and the microbes living there directly affect how we produce and respond to it.’
Whenever my mental health sets up residence in the bin and I’m trying to get it back on track, I gamify my eating: research shows those who eat 30 different types of plant a week (which includes not only vegetables, but fruits, beans, pulses, seeds and grains) have a more diverse gut microbiome, which in turn can contribute to an improved mood, better energy levels and reduced anxiety. Every Sunday, I’ll write a list of 30 ingredients to tick off throughout the week ahead and reward myself with a smiley emoji each time. The kid-craving-a-gold-star within ignites and, somehow, it motivates me.
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STEP 3: MAKE SOME MOVES
I’ve done some number crunching! Turns out, you only have to exercise for 1.05% of your total day for it to have an impact for hours; 3,700 participants were measured on traits such as positivity, resilience, calmness, focus and energy, before and after exercise, by Dr Brendon Stubbs, a physiotherapist and mental health researcher (along with Asics). It transpired that just ‘15 minutes and nine seconds of movement a day can make a meaningful difference to mental wellbeing’, Dr Stubbs explains.
For me, exercise can look like a stroll with a friend (meeting someone helps to stop me from flaking, but, truthfully, there’ve been times when loved ones have had to physically drag me out of bed). Other days, it’s tennis (focusing on hitting a ball is moving meditation) or lifting weights, to remind me how strong I am – even when I’m feeling the opposite.
Fitness instructor, psychotherapist and author Eloise Skinner advises starting gently and ‘reframing exercise as a form of self-care, as a way to look after your body and mind while experiencing challenging times’, and says the best exercise is one you enjoy, as you’re more likely to stick with it. Equally, if getting out of the house feels daunting, there are tonnes of free, high-quality resources on YouTube. I love Yoga With Adriene’s channel for soothing sessions and PT Caroline Girvan’s for breaking a sweat.
STEP 4: SELF-HELP
At its worst, my anxiety traps me in a giant spiral of doom, where I’m unable to sleep, eat or function. Turns out, this is a ‘limbic hijack’ and happens because my nervous system is super sensitive and gets stuck in fight-or-flight mode, overriding rational thinking. Knowing this – and that it can stem from past experiences and become amplified by certain triggers, such as obsessive googling of health symptoms, poor sleep and stress – gave me a starting point for change.
I’ll write my worries out, ask myself how realistic my fears are, examine if there’s anything positive I can do to change the situation or whether actively working towards acceptance is the only choice. I think about the advice I’d offer a friend in a similar position and try to take it (easier said than done).
Learning more about the root causes of anxiety, depression or stress by engaging with trusted resources such as reputable books, social media and podcasts, has really helped me to understand myself better.
Skinner caveats that the strongest recommendations depend on what a particular person is feeling (so it’s best to look for resources specifically tailored to address that experience) but recommends giving the 10% Happier podcast a listen, for its coverage of ‘meditation and mindfulness techniques from a range of experts’.
Sadly, there are a lot of charlatan ‘experts’ in the world, so it’s important to look for psychotherapists or psychologists who are BPS, BACP or UKCP accredited and registered before diving in too deep (so check people’s LinkedIns and websites for details). The Every Mind Matters hub on the NHS website offers exercises you can try at your own pace (like worry trees: where you break fears down into something more manageable), along with a personalised Mind Plan.
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DON’T FORGET
To be incredibly clear, I’m not saying that it’s a) easy to do all or any of this or b) a silver bullet. When highly anxious or depressed, cooking a healthy meal can feel on a level with scaling Machu Picchu in five-inch stilettos. Leaving alcohol on the shelf in favour of prioritising a full eight hours of sleep and an early yoga class will never be the plot of an exciting movie… But if, like me, you’re someone with a predisposition towards poor mental health, getting your foundations in check can be transformative. Even for those with ‘deeper psychological issues’, Keenan says, things such as ‘a balanced routine, talking therapy and meditation can work hand in hand to stabilise symptoms’ alongside other support.
There are absolutely times when the basics just won’t cut it, and it’s essential to lean on your loved ones, your GP, call 111 or take up help available through charities such as Samaritans and Calm whenever things start to feel overwhelming. But lifestyle changes are a great place to begin.
So start small if you have to. Start slow if you need to. Know that a bad day doesn’t derail progress – and remember, you’re never alone.
Follow Cosmopolitan’s Features Editor, Jennifer Savin, on Instagram
When life is difficult, you can call the Samaritans for free on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
This article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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Jennifer Savin is Cosmopolitan UK’s multiple award-winning Features Editor, who was crowned Digital Journalist of the Year for her work tackling the issues most important to young women. She regularly covers breaking news, cultural trends, health, the royals and more, using her esteemed connections to access the best experts along the way. She’s grilled everyone from high-profile politicians to A-list celebrities, and has sensitively interviewed hundreds of people about their real life stories. In addition to this, Jennifer is widely known for her own undercover investigations and campaign work, which includes successfully petitioning the government for change around topics like abortion rights and image-based sexual abuse. Jennifer is also a published author, documentary consultant (helping to create BBC’s Deepfake Porn: Could You Be Next?) and a patron for Y.E.S. (a youth services charity). Alongside Cosmopolitan, Jennifer has written for The Times, Women’s Health, ELLE and numerous other publications, appeared on podcasts, and spoken on (and hosted) panels for the Women of the World Festival, the University of Manchester and more. In her spare time, Jennifer is a big fan of lipstick, leopard print and over-ordering at dinner. Follow Jennifer on Instagram, X or LinkedIn.