Get Starting Point
A guide through the most important stories of the morning, delivered Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Evidence shows such informal caregivers carry a heavy load of stress, including conflict with family, financial worries, lack of personal time, and a constant sense of uncertainty. “The emotional, psychological weight and responsibility of this never ends. You never really take that [caregiving] hat off,” says Sarah Iselin, president and CEO of Blue Cross Blue Shield of Massachusetts. Earlier this year, Iselin herself spent a week working remotely from Florida so she could care for her father, who has Alzheimer’s, and her mother who was recovering from heart surgery.
For women who find themselves in a caregiving role — and more than half of informal caregivers for elderly people are women, according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics — the need can also disrupt a career still on the rise. “When women hit their 50s, they’re actually still on the upward slope of their lifetime earnings trajectories. Men are on the down slope,” says Nicole Maestas, economist and professor of health care policy at Harvard Medical School. Her research suggests that taking on a caregiving role delays career progress, but doesn’t always derail it — on average, she finds, women are able to get their income back on track after the caregiving period ends. “Women do bounce back,” Maestas says.
Nonetheless, navigating the complex challenges and rocky emotional terrain that come with caregiving while maintaining career progress can be formidable. Experts and those immersed in caregiving say there are ways to get through it and come out stronger — both personally and professionally — on the other side.
1. Own the identity
People providing informal care might describe themselves as merely “a decent human” or even “a good daughter,” but they often avoid the label “caregiver,” says Alexandra Drane, cofounder and CEO of Archangels, a platform aimed at connecting caregivers to resources for support. But accepting the descriptor is an important mind-set shift, encouraging you to search for resources. “If you don’t know you’re in the role,” Drane says, “you can’t get support for being in the role.”
2. Plan ahead
At different times, Lisa Murray, Massachusetts president of Citizens Bank, has helped care for her grandmother, her father, and her husband. Today, her mother lives with her — she’s in good health, but Murray and her sister are planning for her eventual needs. “My sister and I have sat down with my mom and asked her what she wants eventually,” Murray says. “Financially we’re planning for it, emotionally we’re planning for it.”
Thinking ahead is essential. Start a conversation with parents, spouses, or anyone else whose care you might one day be responsible for. And if they are resistant, do your own legwork to identify available resources and options ahead of a crisis, Mariani says. “Emergency planning is terrible planning.”
3. Seek — and accept — help
“There are these resources that exist, but they are horrifically underutilized,” Drane says.
Part of the challenge is finding and making sense of the different options. The Archangels website aggregates links to a variety of services and information, and the Massachusetts Family Caregiver Support Program offers advice and assistance finding needed resources. Drane also recommends digging into health insurance plans and employee assistance programs you might already get through work, which often include overlooked services such as care coordination, legal consultations for estate planning, and counseling sessions.
In addition, every municipality in Massachusetts is served by an aging services agency (they’re listed on the website of the Executive Office of Elder Affairs), many of which offer caregiver support groups and resources.
Judy VerPlanck-Elliott, 66, of Methuen, is a full-time caregiver for her husband, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, and speaks regularly with a dementia counselor she found through AgeSpan, her local agency. “She has been really helpful helping me navigate certain situations — things that throw me and I need to talk to somebody who won’t judge me,” VerPlanck-Elliott says.
4. Identify and promote your caregiver skills
When work outside of the home is disrupted by caregiving, it can feel like a setback for career progress. But caregiving nurtures a whole new — and incredibly valuable — skill set, Murray says. “People who are caregivers are better employees: They are multitasking, they are driven, they are efficient, they work hard.”
Late last month, Archangels and a group of collaborators launched the Care Badge initiative, which allows caregivers to earn a badge — a digital logo that can be displayed on a LinkedIn page, email signature, or résumé — that identifies them as a person who has these skills and experiences. “You don’t need to hide this — be loud and proud,” Drane says. “It reframes the act of caregiving.”
5. Speak up
While the difficulties faced by working mothers have been part of the national conversation for some time now, the challenges of caregiving for aging adults are rarely mentioned. “A lot of people are uncomfortable discussing this at work, feeling it might impact how people are perceiving them in the workplace,” says Samantha Brady, a PhD student at Brown University and research specialist at MIT’s AgeLab.
Speaking up about these experiences, however, is what can spark more discussion and, ideally, change. Iselin, of Blue Cross, says it was hearing caregivers’ stories that helped inspire the company to add a new benefit for 2025 to some of its Medicare plans: $600 to be spent on services such as light housekeeping and tech support.
6. Nurture the moments of joy
Those in the thick of caregiving will tell you the process also comes with many happy moments, from the satisfaction of giving back to the people who raised you to the connections shared by spending more time together. “The pluses are immeasurable,” Murray says.
The benefits can even extend into the workplace. Research published this year in the Journal of Vocational Behavior finds that caregivers often have to make concessions at work — leaving early or taking on fewer projects — but can also have better attitudes toward their work, as the positive emotional impacts of caregiving spill over into their professional lives.
Brady’s research has also found that caregivers who are employed have better mental health than caregivers who do not have outside jobs. “There is something [about caregiving] that is almost grounding and providing a different sense of purpose in work,” Brady says.
Finding ways to hold on to a sense of purpose can be invaluable when the caregiving eventually ends and you move onto a new phase of life, say those who have gone through the process.
“Even in the worst of my mother’s dementia, I looked forward to those times when I got the genuine smile,” Mariani says. “There is wonderful stuff yet to happen.”
Sarah Shemkus is a frequent contributor to the Globe Magazine. Send comments to magazine@globe.com.