THIS Mental Habit Fuels Depression – The Cognitive Distortion of Discounting the Positive
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Depression isn’t just feeling sad, it’s actually not being able to feel much happiness. Good things happen and you feel nothing. Nothing excites you anymore, food doesn’t taste good, someone tells you they love you and you think, “Yeah, but you probably just said that because you’re family”. It’s hard to care about anything.
Where does this come from? Today you’re going to learn about a cognitive distortion that makes it super hard for you to feel happy. And of course, what to do about it.
Nutshell-
What are cognitive distortions?
Our brains are always interpreting the world around us, trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes our brain takes shortcuts, especially when we’re emotional, and researchers have found that there are some common ways that these thoughts get distorted. Sometimes we jump to the worst possible conclusion “This mole is cancer!” and other times we blame ourselves for things that aren’t our fault “If I hadn’t made him mad, he wouldn’t have hit me” When we learn to noticing these thoughts, we can replace them with something healthier, this is a core piece of CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, and it’s been shown to be really helpful for people with depression or anxiety. And today I’m going to teach you one way to do it on your own.
00:00 Intro
02:12 Discounting the Positive (the Yes, but…)
05:59 So Why do we discount the positive?
08:33 More secondary gains
09:45 What to do about it.
Check out the transcript below:
THIS Mental Habit Fuels Depression – The Cognitive Distortion of Discounting the Positive
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life’s direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 988 or your local emergency services.
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37 Comments
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Thank you for this video.
These seem like tiny insignificant practices that don't mean much; they are tiny, yet so is a single penny in a dollar, it's the collective that means much because of the individual.
I learned this lesson, and I purposely follow this proven process every day. We so readily accept the negative, while discounting the positive at every turn.
Flip the script and watch the wonders pile up as the water do at the base of a water fall.
Thank you
Yes, I downplay to not sound like I’m gloating and making others feel bad. People weren’t happy for my wins growing up, they would try to take what I had or step over me to get the gig. Makes sense how I go thorough the world. Underground on the down low. I like it here though.
I should be depressed, I’ve worked for it, I deserve it, but sadly I don’t have the time for self pitying, I have to get on with life and supporting those who depend on me.
How did this came at so ryt time
Thank You ma'am
❤❤❤❤ thank you for this Chanel, and your good work, it's really helpd me so so much ❤❤❤
One of the things that improved my relationship with the idea of gratitude, is to remember that gratitude is not a demand, obligation or debt: it is permission to be happy about something. Gratitude is used by meanies and trolls to manipulate, and to make you feel like you owe something, but they are buttheads, and also wrong. Gratitude is allowing yourself to be happy about something. Pick something, anything, and be happy about it. That's gratitude, and it is allowed.
Thanks!
I have so much I have to do for family and work it always feels like I just have to keep putting in time to never catch up. Always feels like there’s more I need to do not to disappoint someone or fall short of what had to be done to fulfill someone’s needs. But when I try to make time to do something for me, it eventually feels like another thing I have to do and then I don’t wat to do that either.
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful knowledge & wisdom! Your videos are helping a lot of people, myself included. Thank you so much!🙏💜🙏
5:48 This sounded exactly like the character Sadness from Inside Out 1 and 2 🤩
Thumbs up 2 minutes in just for the Argentina and Messi references lol
Your part on confirmation bias really hit me square on. "Hope for the best, plan for the worst" has been my guiding principal for decades. On the surface it's not a bad idea, but my dysthymia has steadily degraded what "best" means to the point it's barely better than worst.
It is a jouney to change the negative narratives people get implanted from their parents and at least the environment.
Being positive takes immense effort at first. Be mindful of your thoughts, observe them – you choose what to believe. ☀️
Wonderful episode. Much appreciated info ✨️
Good job me!!! (pat, pat) I woke up feeling super depressed (like stare at the wall but cant cry depressed) and was was looking for something to distract myself. This video was the first one in my feed and I clicked on it out of curiosity. Little did I know, that it was just what I needed to start to change my "I'm a failure" barrage of thoughts. Coincidence? I think not! 😉 Thank you Emma. I think this was the nudge I needed to finally start the course I downloaded of yours.
Come on, you got a wire here and you heard me saying that sentence about expecting the worst and being pleasantly surprised, didn't you?
Thank you! I love your videos.
This video is so good, and so helpful. Therapy really should have more of an image like working out, or eating health. This just gives you tools to use your brain in a better way.
Emma, thank you so much. Not just for this video, but for the manny others you made. They've truelly helped me. I'm not quite there yet, but I regained the trust that I will be again some day. So I pat myself on the back for watching your videos. But I thank you for making them. ❤
I've been future-faked so often that I don't look forward to things. Why bother? It won't happen. Then, when it doesn't happen, it just proves what I knew already. Everybody will let me down, including myself.
Recently, someone suggested that along with a nightly gratitude practice, I choose something to look forward to the next day. Keep it small.
I'm hoping it works, but that feels scary. I've been let down so many times, to the point where I expect to let myself down. It's hard to stick with something when you don't believe it will work.
Maybe I need to stop worrying about whether I'm going to let myself down and make a note at the end of the day of what I did. I don't feel like I can do that, either, but I bet I can. Worth a try.
Can you please share the full name of the app for mood tracking . Lotus ….?
To see it as a protective mechanism really makes sense. When you screw up things constantly, you're cautious of feeling good about your accomplishments. Every time you achieve some small (or even a big) victory, there comes a slap – a new screw up or a reminder of your past failures.
Excellent video. Thank you!
Great now all I have to do is to find a person that gives me positive feedback or even compliments me. I live in Germany. Wish me luck 😂😂😂
What about when they're real and make you feel heavily loaded with so much guilt and impossibility that you dont know where to begin again?
Bedankt
Salt Lake Therapist here!! SHOUT OUT TO UTAH!!! I wanted to celebrate I'm two weeks away from taking the exam to get my 'L'!!!! I feel like there's a this culture, where were can't celebrate our achievements because of guilt, it's like expected you don't say things so you don't make anyone else feel bad.
i.e., in my undergrad someone was like, we're just have privilege and that doesn't mean we're smarter than anyone (true), so it's really just matters what household you're born into.
Or people saying "I wish I could have the opportunity to do XYZ. Must be nice…"
So, I am going to make a conscious effort to celebrate ALL SUCCESSES! Big, small, etc… but obviously being genuine and that'll help.
PS: I'm learning more from your videos on how to APPLY theories than school taught me. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! 😀
I got up early today to go for a swim class
But I instead ended up watching this video
Tried this for 3-4 weeks before. But last night I got my morning chai and fruit ready. It used to give me energy when I went for Tennis even earlier in the morning.
This is the closest I've come to leaving and I am recognizing that I'm trying my hardest.
Buying a new home in this heat has been extremely taxing but I'll take the positive I got today and keep trying.
In fact, today I will walk up to the swimming class gym and just look at it from afar so tomorrow i expect it
Thank you So much Emma! this video helped me so much today..going through Pms and it's so difficult to deal with my mood swings,however your video helped me a lot
I think economy and society creates a big cognotive dissonance. I mean, climate change is heating up our asses really fast, Business life has unrealistic expectations from employees and there are international tensions between nuclear powers. But we have to pretend that everything is fine and yeah, that job to be able to pay rent is really the biggest dream of my life.
This is my main problem. Thank you for trying to help me and people like me.
I do this with literally anything regarding people and relations. But I think it's low self-esteem and social anxiety, rather than depression. But how can I know that my thought "they are only nice because they have to, they could never actually say to my face that they find me annoying because that's rude" is not true? I can never really know because people WILL lie, and keep lying. They'll tell you the dress looks pretty no matter how many times you ask, because if they would say the truth, they'd be a bad person.
Missing on relationships, joy, allowing to believe that I am good, lovable, and that I can do things worthy of praise