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8 Ways Excessive Kindness Can Sabotage Your Mental Health



8 Ways Excessive Kindness Can Sabotage Your Mental Health

Being kind is a strength—but when it turns into self-sacrifice, it can quietly drain your well-being. This episode explores how excessive kindness can backfire, leading to kindness burnout, emotional exhaustion, and even self neglect. Whether it’s saying yes too often, avoiding conflict, or putting others first at your own expense, these subtle patterns may reflect deeper people pleasing habits. We’ll also look at how setting boundaries is key to protecting both your mental health and relationships.

Have you ever felt guilty for putting your own needs first? What helped you shift that mindset?

Credits:
Script Writer: Onnie
Script Editor: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Ashleigh
Animator: Evelvaii
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong
Director: Tai Khuong
Assisted: Brisky Quach

Further readings to help you understand the dangers of excessive kindness:

Cregg, D. R., & Cheavens, J. S. (2021). Healing through helping: An experimental investigation of kindness, social activities, and reappraisal as well-being interventions. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16(3), 353–364. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2020.1832243

Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21923

Oakley, B. A., Knafo, A., Madhavan, G., & Wilson, D. S. (Eds.). (2012). Pathological altruism. Oxford University Press.

View 50 Comments

50 Comments

  2. @KristofferPatterson on

    As for me personally, I developed a philosophy as to why empathy is everything; 1. Even if it gets you slain, it's their loss because you're in Heaven while the person who sinned against you not only lost a valuable friend but may not be fine in the afterlife if they don't repent. 2. Even if all your belongings are taken by someone else they traded a valuable friend for material possessions and not only do friendships that are meaningful last longer than possessions but karma is a real thing from my personal experience because I'm one who got luckier than most and it still came back to haunt me. 3. If you must pick between constantly destroying to protect yourself or surrendering my life to sinners, I'd pick the latter because if I choose the former, I'd eventually become a mindless destroying beast and I feel that it's no way to live.

  3. @theseventhgeneration6910 on

    I was always the yes man at work. I always wanted to be the best at everything that I do. I recently ruptured my bicep and I was still at work, trying to be the best. My boss gave me tasks that would require me to lift more weight than I could handle, FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES!
    The first two "no" answers were met with contempt and frustration. The third time, I was the one frustrated and on the fourth, I was at the very limit of any semblance of kindness that I had left.
    I pulled my boss aside, i lifted my sleeve, I said, "look at my arm. Do you see that it is injured? Why are you asking me to do this? I am NOT going to do it!"
    Again, I was met with frustration and contempt. Luckily a coworker volunteered to help me.
    I was going to continue trying to go to work with my injury but, after that experience, I have to stay home and get worker's comp now.
    This is one of those situations where kindness has no place. Even if you think that you are just trying to be respectful of your boss, don't compromise your health because of it.

  4. @tiffanywong7968 on

    I wish I knew this when I was younger. When people know they can no longer take advantage of you, they'll leave. Not everyone deserves the kindness they want to receive

  6. @skjummanali7786 on

    I spent years trying to manifest my dream life, but it never seemed to work. I tried so many methods, yet still felt stuck. Then my friend and I heard about a book called Manifest and Receive by Eva Hartley on a podcast. I was hesitant at first, but after reading just a few chapters, I realized how much I’d been missing 😭 Her approach is unlike anything I’ve ever tried. It’s not just about thinking positive — it’s about aligning with real-world actions that actually bring your desires into reality. The way Eva explains manifestation through quantum physics is EVERYTHING. Truly understanding the science will change your entire reality. I'm living proof😭✨

  8. @A55a551n on

    Timestamps
    1). You say yes when you want to say no 3:14
    2). You attract people who take advantage of you 3:58
    3). You feel guilty for prioritizing yourself 4:29
    4). You struggle to express your needs 5:02
    5). You avoid conflict at all costs 5:31
    6). You apologize excessively (even when it's not your fault) 5:57
    7). You tolerate disrespect without realising it 6:28
    8). You are burn out hard 6:49

    Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

  16. @tomhiggins875 on

    A friend of mine once asked me to help him organize his apartment and after giving him a long winded reason that I hated organizing he said, "Tom, you can say no." I replied, "Oh, Well no then."

  18. @ananascimento8434 on

    Curious enough, society mocks and points the finger to those who are too kind, people pleasers, insecure with a lot of baggage (being the biggest of all a brutal need for affection). BUT… those who prey on it, sometimes for years, those who take advantage of those insecure people pleasers and too kind, they never get the equivalent backlash and punishment. EVER.

  20. @stankwiz on

    My philosophy is thus: if someone takes advantage of my kindness, then that speaks to their character. But if someone asks for help and I turn my back on them, then that speaks to my character.

    That being said, I HAVE found myself in situations that could have been avoided had I just been an @$$hole, so I get it.

  21. @asuperpotatoyeah on

    Hey, I’ve got a question! So, I love helping out others in my class, no matter what! Since the language we mainly learn at school is French and I’m bilingual, people always ask me about things and I’m happy to answer! But they started calling me "Chat Gpt", and even if I love to help out, idk if I should take it as a compliment, or if they’re taking me for granted. I don’t know if they’ll get mad at me if I ask them to stop, and I’m always pretty worried about people’s judgements, so.. what should I do??:(

  28. @OliviaHamiel on

    Hi so i do struggle with this myself people in my life say that i act motherly or i nag can you guys make a video more about that topic and why someone might act that way and how to help with it and by the way i love you guy’s work ❤❤❤❤❤

  29. @BeatrizPereira-o4v on

    Also this can be linked to empathy burnout witch is awful to feel …it’s dangerous because it seams your depressed but in reality you just need to set boundaries and try to breathe again (I talk from experience )🙃🥰🤗🤗have a great day stranger !

  30. @MissJenni2011 on

    I’m definitely burnt out, feel guilty doing anything for myself, and I’ve tried addressing things but people just don’t listen 🤷‍♀️ I just have to stop feeling guilty about doing things for myself.

  35. @linkcat2640 on

    This is difficult for me. Sometimes others needs drown out my own so I get used to pleasing everyone else. Sometimes it’s just not easy to take care of myself. I get so used to it I I forget I needed rest too.

  37. @zachmanbegins on

    I actually really needed to hear this. On top of the multitudes of social/emotional aspects, this applies to work as well. I have such a hard time saying no to taking on more projects because I don’t want to feel like I’m not doing my part, but then end up overloaded anyways. Had a good talk with my manager about it and he helped reframe my mindset moving forward.

  42. @FairitFurry on

    "Если ты за добро благодарность ждёшь — ты не даришь добро, ты его продаёшь"

  47. @heavenlydemonmusic on

    i see more toxicity without reason in this world rather than excessive kindness . if excessive kindness could make 10 people's day more better i think it's worth it , as if even your day isn't well you still try to make other person day better

    If you're that kind of person , i just want you to know that you're important too , so take a rest once in a while ^_^

  49. @shayleebushman423 on

    I've realized lately that I'm a hard-core people pleaser, but I've taken time and made quite a bit of progress with it and enforced some more boundaries, mostly at work. But when it comes to my best friend and other personal relationships? I can't help but still be overly accommodating. I've been able to stop worrying what random strangers in public think about me, but i care so much about what my best friend that I live with thinks of me, and i keep sipping into people pleasing.

    My friend has actually tried telling me that they want me to be myself and stop overly accommodating for them, and I've been doing my best, but it's so much harder when it's around someone you care so much about. I just want to be helpful, but i can't figure out how to avoid doing too much because all it does is frustrate me and my friend. Does anyone have any advice that can help me?

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