What Does CLINICAL DEPRESSION Feel Like? (Major Depression)
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My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI’s SNRI’s Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
33 Comments
I no its nely killed me. Try not to think what you put in your mind is you so don't think swish off the mind. Good luck peace 🕊️
Try YEARS! The worst part for me was when it got so bad that I felt anguish so severe that it became creepy. I felt it emotionally and in my digestive system and .I wanted to die to get away from that horrific feeling. Finally, an antidepressant took it away. It didn’t take away the rest of the depression just the worst part.
This is so perfectly put. I feel this video if translated and dub would help so much explaining world wide ❤
I hope you are feeling better ❤
Thank you ❤
I cried and I don't even know why
Well described. You dont get it until you get it. Pure hell. I wish you well
I would suggest to others picking up a book on Lucid Dreaming. I have C-PTSD , Major Depression, Anxiety, Went Through horrific Childhood Abuse.. have tried so many different pills, 20 ECT treatments, tried everything suggested to me by doctors..and tried suggestions from others like meditation, acupuncture, all kinds of different types of therapies and treatments..but it wasn’t until I had my first Lucid Dream I realized there is a way to escape it in a way.. you can feel things in your dreams that you maybe are not able to feel here..just try it.
I would suggest reading a book about it since most YouTube videos I have watched don’t go in depth as much as some of the books I’ve read on it-
“A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming Mastering the Art of Oneironautics” by Dylan Tuccillo, Jared Zeizel, Thomas Peisel.
^this book is what triggered my first lucid dream, highly suggest this one.
I’m not saying this will cure everything, but it has helped me a lot, given me hope, tools to wake myself up from nightmares while dreaming lucidly, and it provides a fun and exciting escape that doesn’t involve substances.. that’s more than I can say for most things I’ve tried. Hope this can provide you with some comfort.
I give so much of my day and my passion for cooking everyday as a Sous Chef just to have it torn down because our restaurant doesn’t have the staffing. I should be doing so much more but I have to cover for the lack of staff we have in the restaurant. I’m overwhelmed by these 13-14 hour days. I love cooking! But when I am a pawn to fill the gaps of a badly run business, and not a chef, it drains my passion.
Have been severely depressed with severe anxiety and ocd for 15 years
I'm on heavy medications ever since
I cried so much watching this video because no body ever understands me ..they all blame me and i hear all the time stuff like you're lazy you're dependent everybody is suffering in this world just get over it..why don't you ever continue in one job? Why do you always quit..you're weak….etc
it's just too much
i wish people have some mercy for those who are suffering and not hurting them like that
I wish i was never born
You feel heavy, numb, like you are nothing.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder last week. Experiencing a lot of life stressors and I did not have the coping tools or therapist for and I let it snowball into this illness. I couldn't take it anymore, went to the doctor and they put me in the psych hospital. After the hospital ended up feeling worse, but at least now I recognize there is an issue, and took some days off to learn some coping skills. It's going to take a while since the mess wasnt built in a day but. I have hope it will get better. Thank you for this video. I am feeling very lonely today. The feeling I can describe is like the song "lonely day" by SOAD. It makes me feel seen but I don't know if listening to it can be triggering for some people.
I don’t know if this is common, but I remember when I was at the lowest for about a good year or two. I remember just feeling dread and pain. Absolute misery. Like I was being tortured l. It was less about sadness and more about this everlasting pain that I thought would never go away. It was like living through purgatory. Is the beat I could describe it.
I get depressions very often, I am in deep depression 4 weeks now,
I wake up 3 in the morning then can't sleep, don't want see people, lost all interesting, want die, no energy at all.
I started take antidepressant 20 days ago and I just want go back to normal .
this video makes me cry , I am not the only one having problems and comporting.
The dead will receive more flowers than the living, because regret is stronger than gratitude.
I've only ever had anticipatory anxiety. It has got really bad. Im not sure which is worse as I have never had depression.
I feel so far gone with depression. I just can't get out of it and feel utterly hopeless. It is total hell and so extremely lonely 😞
When u r in the severe depression state u cant even cry
For me, before I got treatment and my symptoms under control, I would cry nearly eatery day, uncontrollably. Anything could set me off. My eyes felt so heavy and puffy all the time, I would have headaches, I would feel slow and couldn’t recall things quickly and my speech was much slower. I was exhausted down to the marrow of my bones. My brain felt like it was stuffed with cotton and my limbs were heavy, like they were being held down by weights. Getting on an SSRI and CBT with a good therapist has helped tremendously—if you’re feeling this way, help is available and things can get better! ❤️
I am suffering to the point of sometimes wanting die. My mom and sister past within 6 months of each other and I miss them terribly. It doesn’t go away. It’s painful. Suicide ideation. Most people don’t get it.
I think of death 24/7 because I am grieving.
Perfect illustration. You dont get it until you get it. Bless you. Hold on for one more
dink
Like being to tired to fight in quicksand.
You’re just stuck and miserable.
new medications and treatments for depression out there.
Chronic insomnia and sometimes you prayed for dying coz life has no sense of purpose.
I'm on the brink of losing my home. I have a wife and two children. We're going to be on the streets in a matter of weeks. Everything you said is exactly true. I've thrown up a few times in the morning. It's like a black hole has been cut right through me. Panic attacks, with severe depression. I'm on my fifth week of feeling like this, I don't know how much more I can take. My doctor has me on lorazepam and Zoloft, but nothing works.
Thanks
Depression is different for everyone, your experience is so relatable, it's honest, it's real, it's the dark truth of such a horrible and nasty diagnosis.
Over my lifetime I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, ocd and anxiety. I have adhered to whatever medications and psychological help for the best part of my 54 years. The best way for me to describe what it's like is a black hole, one that consumes you with fear, with a voice that says you not good enough, it comes with an alarm clock that constantly goes off so sleep becomes a luxury, with it is an endless ocean of tears, numbness, self loathing, guilt, a guilt that eats away at my soul and shame. I have always felt there are two of me, the one in the hole drowning and suffocating and the one that has to do life essentials like a robot. Doesn't matter the treatment or the endless hours of sitting in a suffocating office trying to explain to someone who has compassion but really no idea of what I'm saying or only their idea of how to fix me. I always find myself back in that dark hole looking up at my life with no way to climb out. There's a ladder there for sure but no one understands that each rung is a different level of how I feel inside, sometimes I can make it all the way to the top rung, more than likely a year of struggling each rung, but I am at the top rung living life to the best of my know how, mimicking those around me, strong enough to push my diagnosis out of my mind, but there comes a morning when I find myself back at the bottom looking up, in darkness, alone and terrified I will never make it up the first rung let alone the top one.
This is my life.
Thank you for your video, it is through people like yourself that speak openly about Depression that others may start to really understand what we suffer, that it's not just in our head and that we cannot just get over it.
Thank you. L
Does it also make you not feel love for people you love? Oh and God bless on your health journey.❤
How much do meds help???
Utterly hopeless, in despair, trapped, miserable, longing for it to stop, no end until death. I’m 58 my bipolar started before puberty. Depression started very young too.
Trauma and fear. Genetics.
I was in my 50’s before my Bi Polar was diagnosed.
I picked up FND in 2021. So if I’m not in emotional pain, it’s physical pain, it’s a never ending hellish existence. I carry on for my family not myself. A clear quiet head is a dream drugged out of me for decades. It’s really ugly. Scary. Dark place. Even breathing tastes of cardboard. I never saw myself as someone who wouldn’t wash for days. Ever. Yet here iam. These chronic illnesses have had domino effects on my family as f course as yes as cliched as it sounds, I feel like a burden and a parasite. Drainer of joy and turbulent to be around or completely shut down. My MI will not cease until my wings are ready. I can still laugh though, how weird is that. I laugh and make fun of myself and my issues. That’s a huge pink hug in the darkness and I get to stick a finger upto these illnesses 🤷🏻♀️
Oh no. You didnt use one of my favorite piano pieces for depression. Erik Satie Gymnopedes. I always found it not to be melancholic but relaxing, reassuring, then coming back to the into which sounds like a hopeful sunny morning. Always wanted to learn to play it.
It has a kind of literal physical sensation in the brain. There are no exact words. I might suggest that it is a heavy feeling as if the brain itself is water logged. Pressure. With exercise it improved for a while. Then I suspected that my mental health meds might be producing this feeling. So I backed off on them gradually. Now it seems to be worse again. I may have to resume some meds pretty soon. I hope not. Never give up.
No one understands so no sympathy or support