Dismissive Avoidants and Depression: How Avoidants Suffer Differently

Dismissive Avoidants and Depression: How Avoidants Suffer Differently

Hello everybody. I’m a practicing therapist and a doctoral student of psychology. Today we’re going to go over dismissive avoidance and the correlation between depression. So basically how avoidance kind of suffer differently because it kind of looks different and a lot of them don’t realize it because of their suppression of their emotions and they’re not actively doing some of the symptoms that you may think might be correlated to depression. It is there but it’s just not as prominent. And so I would like to share this so that there’s more knowledge and information about this topic because I’m a therapist and I do work with a lot of individuals who have this correlation and I think it’s very important. Okay. Now a lot of you guys who are from my main channel know that I work with a lot of avoidance also who struggle with anger and I might make that video one another time but today we’re doing depression. Okay. So the very first one is some of the symptoms that I see and the first one is emotional suppression in general. This is that the avoidant individual bottles up their feelings a lot. They’re unwilling to show their difficulties and some of this comes from the symptoms that’s it can be either direction, right? Birectional where because they’re like that, they’re more susceptible to depression. But because depression does that now, they’re susceptible to not healing their dismissive avoidant attachment. So, it’s starting to work in both directions. The bottling up of feelings, difficulty showing those emotions, right? The next one is unfortunate, but it’s common, too. with substance abuse, seeking relief through use of any sort, right? And you’re seeing that a lot of these behaviors, and you’re going to see as we keep going on, a lot of them prefer more numbing techniques because why? Dismissive avoidance don’t have the tools at this point because they’re childhood to understand and process their feelings as promptly and as acutely as specialized. Well, specific is a better word. specific as other attachment styles. And this is for both. Fearful avoidance can suffer with this as well, but we’re talking a little bit more dismissive because fearful avoidance have similar, and I’m going to make a video similar, but struggle with other things. Fearful avoidance tend to have PTSD more commonly or what some people might call complex PTSD. Now, that’s not diagnosible where I practice, but I still I still think it’s a healthy term for people to understand. That’s more common with fearful avoidance. Now, dismissive avoidance have things more like this. Okay. Um the next one is similar talk of substance use. This one is gambling. Gambling. Now it’s kind of like seeking relief through actually strategy implied socialization while still numbing numbing the emotions but they’re focused on that stimulation right to combat those negative feelings. Now this one is more common with male avoidance where it’s kind of like it’s a pseudo socialization, right? So they’re it’s almost like they’re telling themselves they’re socializing even though they’re technically not. I mean they are. That’s that’s not true. But the they would not do they would do this even if there was no social aspect. The main point is that feeling of strategizing and it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, that attachment towards that constant wanting to be better than they are. Perfectionism, right? And so with gambling, there is a skill set depending on what type of gambling you’re doing. You have to build your skills. Part of it is skills and it’s very strategy oriented. But there’s a part of it where no matter what you do, you might fail because of the luck component. And so that’s kind of sim that’s kind of based on their childhood. Avoid individuals, many of them, no matter what they did, it was never good enough, but they still have to keep striving. That’s that same feeling in gambling. And so they lean on gambling similarly. It comes from their own trauma. And so they use this to suppress depression because it’s a very familiar feeling. It’s very similar to actually speaking of fearful avoidance. a lot of fearful avoidance. They may be very attracted to dismissive avoidance or individuals who are abusive, people who are narcissistic personality disorders. And the reason why is because it reminds them of their childhood. That’s very comfortable. Gambling, I know it sounds so strange, but gambling feels like that for a dismissive one. It feels like their childhood. Um, and so this is what they use to suppress depression. So you might see that. So, if you take that gambling away, irritability, um, anger, they might not feel as comfortable, they might not know what to do with their feelings when they’re having a stressful day because what they do is they might lean into this. Okay? I don’t know how much I can talk about this on YouTube, but I hope that made some sense. Okay? Um, cuz I’m doing it purely for mental health. I am not saying that all of these things you should do. This is just for mental health, mental health purposes only, educational purposes. The next one, similarly, um, this one might be triggering, so I’m not going to talk too much about it, but we’re just we’re we’re about to talk about eating disorders. Eating disorders. So, if that makes you uncomfortable, please click off. Um, the next one is more common with female avoidance. It is eating disorders. Both restrictive purging subtypes or even binging. Okay? They use food to numb feelings. Very similar to the gambling, right? But it’s a little bit different. It feels like control. It feels like perfectionism because you can count those calories. You can take whatever you want out of your whatever you’re doing. I’m not going to go into detail about this one, okay? But you’re doing certain behaviors that make you feel like you have control, but you still can’t control it because it’ll that feeling of wanting to eat always wins. And so it’s that battle. It’s that perfectionism you’re fighting. And it’s control. It’s the numbing sensation. It’s that same feeling, right? And that’s from the childhood. They get to really feel that way. And it makes them avoid their depressive feelings, right? The next one is anger and aggression. Okay, you can see this. They’re more irritable. They’re more angry. They’re lashing out. And this is because they’re suffering with that depression underneath, but they don’t know what to do with it. So, they’re very frustrated. And the only emotion they feel comfortable sharing is anger or suppression. Right? So, that’s why you see that. The next one is more sematic symptoms. Okay? Physical complaints. Headaches are really really common especially for female avoidance but in general stomach pains. Um they may have some symptoms like struggling to sleep. They may have aches in their body. You might see this as well. Okay. If they’re also struggling with anxiety, you might feel like sweaty palms, heart racing, um or not sematic but still similarly they might pick at their, you know, uh facial hair or pimples or whatever it is. You’re starting to see those behaviors coming out. That one’s more anxious. Okay. And the last one is in general unhealthy risk-taking. They might engage in actually dangerous behaviors without concern or consequence. And it may be because of how much they’re struggling with trying to enjoy their life and they’re trying to feel something because now they don’t even know how to feel sometimes, right? Unfortunately. So, what are the solutions? Well, obviously the most important one is to get help from a mental health professional because even though I am one, I I’m not I’m making a video, so I could very well just be, you know, you don’t need to make these. You don’t need a license or to practice to make these videos and I am not your therapist. So, please understand I’m just making videos for information. So, the first one is please seek help. The next one is being aware that you struggle with depression. Now, open communication about your feelings is very important and understanding how you’re feeling is part of that, right? Just processing it by yourself first and foremost. That’s the first step. Okay? Just understanding and accepting you have depression. Sometimes you want to fight it. Accept it even a little bit. You might even not even want to use the word depression if you’re not ready. You might say you just struggle with um hopelessness or emptiness sometimes or you’re always racing the clock or you don’t know what to do with yourself sometimes. Say it like that if you want to. You don’t even have to tell anybody for now, but the next step is to tell somebody. So that’s that open communication piece that we were talking about. Open communication is very important. Avoidant individuals. If you guys really want to heal your depression or if you’re a partner and you want to help your partner, allow the person to be vulnerable. Recognizing that showing emotions does not diminish your value. Slowly, very slowly. Okay. Um, understanding that talking in general can lessen the intensity of feelings. So talk about your feelings in general. what’s bothering you, what’s on your mind, that can foster that connection. And those are kind of what solutions you can do as an avoidant. But specifically for loved ones, what I would say is you can support your partner by expressing care and encouraging these things, encouraging open conversations without pressure to find immediate solutions. The next one is respond empathetically when your partner shares those feelings. Okay, this is just a brief overview, but I did want to share that. Please like, subscribe, and I’ll see you in the next

Although I am a therapist and a current doctoral student in psychology, the content shared on this channel is for educational and informational purposes only. Watching these videos does not create a therapist-patient relationship between you and me.

The insights and tools I share are intended to support general mental health awareness and personal growth, but they are not a substitute for personalized therapy, diagnosis, or professional mental health treatment. If you are experiencing emotional distress, trauma symptoms, or a mental health crisis, I strongly encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional in your area.

Your healing journey is deeply personal, and professional guidance can make a meaningful difference.

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