Are Anti-Bullying Messages Doing More Harm Than Good? | Kalyani Pardeshi | Piers Cross

For the full interview which goes live Friday 19th Septermber here: https://youtu.be/iBXcs5i4zyg

We often tell people, “Don’t bully.” But psychology shows that when we focus on the negative, the unconscious mind can actually reinforce the very behaviour we’re trying to stop. Much like 90% of a car’s engine working unseen, most of our brain operates unconsciously — shaping actions beneath the surface.

So what if telling someone not to bully actually increases bullying? And what if the real solution lies in something more radical: kindness, even towards the bully?

In this short, Kalyani Pardeshi explores why traditional anti-bullying strategies may be misfiring, and how understanding the unconscious mind can help us address this issue in a more compassionate, effective way.

#Bullying #BullyingPrevention #Psychology #UnconsciousMind #Compassion #Kindness #MentalHealth #SocialIssues #Education

Kalyani Pardeshi is a multi-award-winning author, TEDx speaker, and anti-bullying advocate known for her expertise in confronting the inner critic, self-bullying, and the roots of burnout and self-doubt. She developed powerful frameworks for identifying “Intangible Drivers”—the unconscious motivators for fulfillment—and has worked extensively with children, teens, adults, and organizations to promote sustainable performance and emotional resilience.

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✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching:

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👉 Overcoming Boarding School Trauma: Nick Duffell on Rebuilding Intimacy – AEM #21 | Piers Cross

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@helencoleman3592 on September 16, 2025 10:33 pm

the Waldorf and Montessori methods of learning include dealing with classroom conflicts at every age.
In Montessori we introduce the rules ahead of time, if you want to work with a material someone else has, you have to wait until they are done. No interrupting another student's concentration and development of their concentration and focus. Montessori does not adhere to the standard understanding of "sharing". When a kid wants a material and gets it by whining that the other student HAS to "share", and then gets a turn, is a bully who just snatched a toy someone else was playing with. It makes no logical sense to a toddler even. But Montessori teaches that you can find another work or sit in a comfy chair and wait for an unavailable material. This not only makes complete logical sense to even the littlest of children, and assures them that they will be granted the same space and protection from snatching.
In Waldorf, when one child hurts another, the teachers immediate focus is on the injured child. The perpetrator, is initially ignored entirely; this is very different from standard American parenting culture, where you would yell at and even punish the perpetrator before turning to the injured party. So, in Waldorf the very passive act of not giving the perpetrator any attention, they are less likely to be getting anything out of their negative actions. Additionally, Kindergarden is 100% daily living, with 0 academics. This allows a year for attentive social training. consistently giving the kids awareness of others and developing empathy. Learning how to look around a room and find the lonely person, if there is one, and go invite them to join you in an activity. So, while the days are filled with planned and rhythmic activities, those activities all allow for consistent chances for social teaching that shows what to do, rather than saying what not to do.
anyways, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and experience raising my kids with my training in mind. Highly recommend this as an anti-bullying training method I never saw coming. it wasn't until my oldest child was being lightly bullied by some family friend's kids for me to realize that there was more going on here than just being raised with different rules. My daughter was very confused because she just had never encountered this kind of real cruelty from someone that should be a friend. She was completely unprepared for the other parent to then back up their own kid. I was completely unprepared for my friend to double down on their kids behavior as completely okay. As if my kid needed to toughen up and expect this meanness from peers. We left soon after. My kid is fine after talking it through. My mind was blown. The methods of teaching I had been trained in and the little rules here and there created a group of young humans that are raised to be anti-bullying. Be aware. Actively seek out and check in with those that seem lonely or new. Respect a person's work and do not think for a moment you have ANY entitlements over another's time space materials or attention. Nobody is entitled to your time space materials or attention. Run to the injured and suffering. Its beautiful.

View 6 Comments

6 Comments

@David-p8h3i on September 16, 2025 6:07 pm

That sounds a lot this guy. Controversial figure. Killed for his beliefs. I forget his name. You could make a religion out of this. Oh wait…
@helencoleman3592 on September 16, 2025 10:33 pm

the Waldorf and Montessori methods of learning include dealing with classroom conflicts at every age.
In Montessori we introduce the rules ahead of time, if you want to work with a material someone else has, you have to wait until they are done. No interrupting another student's concentration and development of their concentration and focus. Montessori does not adhere to the standard understanding of "sharing". When a kid wants a material and gets it by whining that the other student HAS to "share", and then gets a turn, is a bully who just snatched a toy someone else was playing with. It makes no logical sense to a toddler even. But Montessori teaches that you can find another work or sit in a comfy chair and wait for an unavailable material. This not only makes complete logical sense to even the littlest of children, and assures them that they will be granted the same space and protection from snatching.
In Waldorf, when one child hurts another, the teachers immediate focus is on the injured child. The perpetrator, is initially ignored entirely; this is very different from standard American parenting culture, where you would yell at and even punish the perpetrator before turning to the injured party. So, in Waldorf the very passive act of not giving the perpetrator any attention, they are less likely to be getting anything out of their negative actions. Additionally, Kindergarden is 100% daily living, with 0 academics. This allows a year for attentive social training. consistently giving the kids awareness of others and developing empathy. Learning how to look around a room and find the lonely person, if there is one, and go invite them to join you in an activity. So, while the days are filled with planned and rhythmic activities, those activities all allow for consistent chances for social teaching that shows what to do, rather than saying what not to do.
anyways, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and experience raising my kids with my training in mind. Highly recommend this as an anti-bullying training method I never saw coming. it wasn't until my oldest child was being lightly bullied by some family friend's kids for me to realize that there was more going on here than just being raised with different rules. My daughter was very confused because she just had never encountered this kind of real cruelty from someone that should be a friend. She was completely unprepared for the other parent to then back up their own kid. I was completely unprepared for my friend to double down on their kids behavior as completely okay. As if my kid needed to toughen up and expect this meanness from peers. We left soon after. My kid is fine after talking it through. My mind was blown. The methods of teaching I had been trained in and the little rules here and there created a group of young humans that are raised to be anti-bullying. Be aware. Actively seek out and check in with those that seem lonely or new. Respect a person's work and do not think for a moment you have ANY entitlements over another's time space materials or attention. Nobody is entitled to your time space materials or attention. Run to the injured and suffering. Its beautiful.
@tonto2455 on September 17, 2025 5:37 am

Bullying has always been done very consciously.
@vatrahakisou on September 17, 2025 7:23 am

Come on man ….what ru talking about….if u mean to someone and u hurt them u dont know that?? My mom will wip my ass if I would laugh at someone …I never did. I have companion but that's things u learn at home morał stand. …so can't get that…
@TonyMartello on September 17, 2025 7:25 am

Bullying is just people trying to even up the playing field so they can compete. Think about it, what is celebrated and rewarded in life? Who gets the best jobs, the best partners, the best friends and social life?
Those who are being left behind will often find a way to get back in the game… now do you get it?
@GH-im3lj on September 17, 2025 8:19 am

Incorrect