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Caregiver Training: Aggressive Language/Behavior | UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Program



Caregiver Training: Aggressive Language/Behavior | UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Program

The UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Video series provides viewers with practical tools you can use in a variety of settings to create a safe, comfortable environment both for the person with dementia and the caregiver.

To learn more about the UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care, please visit https://www.uclahealth.org/dementia/caregiver-education-videos

View 47 Comments

47 Comments

  3. @celesteadelle on

    I agree she was amazing! My Mom is so mean and it seems only towards me. She’s lied and even caused an arrest and told me that I caused her Dementia because I needed to put my diseases on her like UCTD and Lupus . Current situation she lives with my Abuser DD on to be X in our hone and sided with Him when he has 4 priors Domestic Violence and 2 strikes 2 terms and 2 violations and is a diagnosed Anti sociopath. I’ve tried everything just to get her safe . But he continues to lie and say he is in recovery and he just leaves her alone and gets high every day and drunk on the weekends . He’s using her for IHSS caregiver Funds as it pays the rent and I just don’t want her used as this progresses. I’ve called APS and UCLA has not been helpful . This is awful .i fear during the 70 hours she is gone alone weekly that she might fall . Her balance continues to get worse and to prevent me from talking to the Doctors my x had me removed from talking further to the Doctors last month . I am my Mothers only biological daughter and my Mom seems to not be sensitive to my feelings anymore with the damage of two frontal lobe strokes that happened when Over 32 years ago . Thanks for the video and any advise you have

  6. @willsoncharles7975 on

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  11. @spookybaby7497 on

    I find so many of these types of video focusing on how a caregiver is being bossy or rude and when they adjust their behavior things change. That is not the case for me. I have always acted with respect, compassion, and kindness but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. What I need to know is what to do if you are acting the way the caregiver was in the second scenario and the client still yells at you and tells you to go away or says mean things. I got into this type of work due to my big heart but now after every shift I’m feeling depressed, anxious, and exhausted. I wish there were more resources available to help caregivers who do everything their supposed to do but still get treated with aggression and anger.

  12. @carrickwinson3763 on

    I once believed Alzheimer's disease has no cure. Well, it is true with western medication, but not with herbal medicine. My Dad's experience opened my eyes to the reality of a cure through herbs.. My Father was diagnosed with mild dementia in 2013 but now he's finally free with herbs from Dr. Rohan. You can reach out with the doctor via dr.rohanronjohn@gmail.com

  14. @hothartzdh on

    What's ridiculous is the cost of these facilities! Yet the state won't fund a family member who has to care for them at home, by themselves. Without the ability to go away after 8 hours.

  15. @sisterlindy on

    Many years ago as a younger carer I worked in a care home. One morning I was getting some clothes from the wardrobe for a lady who was 90 years old, but she thought I was stealing them and pushed me. I fell into to the open wardrobe and she started hitting me, I quickly said to her that I could hear the tea trolley coming and she should go and remind them that she did not take sugar, she immediately stood back and said yes I don't want sugar and walked away. I made a note not to have my back to this client while supporting her. I am still a carer at the age of 69 and I love my job and the challenges it brings.

  16. @suzannedupuis2573 on

    there like children i gave my mom half cup of beer she calm down she was mad after she was find doctor said it was like treat for her because she does not drink but she to have a drink with family when she was in her 60s on special days

  24. @tjkong4381 on

    My wife’s father had dementia. For 16 months he needed around the clock care and only four of his eight children helped, my wife, her three sisters. And I helped. His own wife didn’t even help. 45-60 minutes to get him up dressed and into bed. Fights every step of the way. Verbal aggression was a staple almost all the time. He died in 2020 just before the pandemic hit. My father died in 2016, and it was nothing compared to dealing with him. I always tell people, you don’t want a loved one to have dementia

  26. @bigmoneygrip6561 on

    I'm a man in his 50's. I dropped a relationship to come to Illinois to care for my father while he had cancer. Shortly after his passing, my mother started to exhibit signs of Alzheimer. Later adding Dimentia. Now, shes turning into in angry old woman. She's always been a manipulator as far back as I can remember. NOW it's sooo much worse. Everything is my fault. She never has accepted wrong, and always pointed the finger. My brothers are no help at all. One hasn't been over since 10/2013. The month after dad died. The other brother will not even discuss the issue by phone or txt. My guess is he thinks he's protecting his inheritance. My point is this.. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to deal with this. I'm either going to explode, back my things and disappear, or simply end my life. I just don't know. I can't deal with this alone. If I point out her illness, she says I'm full of it and spins it to be about my shortcomings. She has many bluffed into thinking she's a sweet old woman. Sooo far from the truth. The brother I haven't seen since 10/12 can attest to that. She ruined him psychology as a younger boy. Now he remembers and stays away. The other brother can care less. Just give me money is his thought. This sucks. Not sure what to do. I work 12 hr days 5 days a week. Getting to be a big load!!!

  30. @janetfishwick8887 on

    My 94 year old mother has stage 5 Alzheimers and lives on her own. She has carers twice a day, 6 days a week. Mother is reasonably compliant and pleasant to them throughout their 20 minute visit. When we ask her about them, mother has no idea they have even been and says she doesn’t want them because they do nothing. Her carers give her medication, clean the kitchen and bathroom,wipe working surfaces down, change her bedding and prepare her paltry tea. Mother is playing a good game and putting on a wonderful show. In reality, when we discuss her going into a Care Home due to her multitude of issues e.g. deafness, incontinence, obsession with clocks and lists, constant phone calls to my sister asking for a car( not hers) to be removed from outside her home and asking for assistance in turning her television and gas fire on, Mother becomes absolutely vile and her carers would be appalled at her verbal abuse, total disregard of logic and general stubborn attitude.

  31. @spaghettidogpal on

    Nobody ever cares about us caregivers that’s for damn sure everything always our fault and too much is demanded for us. What point we just cut to the chase and bring in free medical assisted suicide and put a end to this living nightmare I think that’s the right thing to do

  32. @k.r.1069 on

    ALL COMMENTS/VIDEOS are regarding caring for ONE parent with dementia. I'm the ONLY CAREGIVER (& I AM 100% DISABLED!) who has cared for TWO PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS for 6+ YEARS! I have NO children, NO siblings, NOTHING, it has just been ME! My parents are in Stage 7 now, but have DIFFERENT symptoms, DIFFERENT health issues, DIFFERENT Sundowners probs, & on & on & on. The 1st 2-3 yrs (again me 100% disabled! And all they have had! Tho' there were others who did NOTHING!), I worked 90+ hours a wk, eating maybe 2 REAL meals/week, driving n2 my driveway & falling asleep immediately til my husband came out to get me, being so exhausted I'd fall asleep in the morning @ the drop of a pin, spilling my coffee all over my lap! There were nights I BARELY made it home-I was SO exhausted! AGAIN, I'M 100% DISABLED! There was a 6 month period I almost, or did, get n2 car wrecks from sheer exhaustion! No one in my husband's LARGE family undestood, nor TRIED to understand(!), nor helped in ANY way! Tho' I (we) have helped ALL of them in EVERY WAY, 10 adult grandkids, 3 50+ "adult children", & great-grandkids. Gave cars, pd 4 private schools, bought furniture for, sent $ to each month while they bought new cars & we (living without ANY, debt, driving used but nice cars pd w/cash, paying our mortgage off early, & ALWAYS, EVERY MONTH GIVING TO TRULY NEEDY PEOPLE!). We did without wants, buying ONLY needs, while all drove new, fanc.y cars, or had Nike shoe collections, yet they all had zero savings, til we finally woke up & said "NO MORE!"). But NO ONE EVER SPEAKS ABOUT A SOLE CHILD, USUALLY A DAUGHTER, CARING FOR TWO ELDERLY PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS! I've listened to & read all books, looked online, & found NOTHING! NO HELP FOR US CAREGIVERS OF 2!! I am in the last stage, Stage 7 w/my parents, BOTH parents-who both have VERY different problems, symptoms, issues, Sundowners, & on & on! I am 100% disabled & have lost ALL my health, joy, ability to do ANYTHING that brought me joy, since this hit me (like planting flowers, playing the piano, helping with our personal business, cleaning our home & we haven't had a vacation in 12 yrs – as b4 my parents we cared for another elderly family member who was a piece if cake & peacefully died @ home taking a nap, she had ALL her cognition til the end! But I have been utterly ALONE caring for my parents! Both w/different dementias! Today was HORRIFIC! But there is ZERO HELP FOR THOSE OF US DOING THIS! IT WAS 1 OF 10, NOW PROBABLY MORE! YET NO1 OFFERS HELP TO US?! I'm close to suicide as this is BEYOND the WORST of caring for just one! YET NO BOOKS, NO VIDEOS, NO HELP! Why! WHY!? I have chronic pain, Fybromyalgia, C-PTSD, Severe DEPRESSION, ADD, & MORE! Yet STILL, ALWAYS, ALONE, I've done EVERYTHING FOR MY PARENTS! And let my health go! I feel like I've been living in HELL for 6 years STRAIGHT & no one helps or cares! I know the stress causes my chance of dementia to go up (multiply THAT by 2!!), & I swear that I WILL NOT go down the road I've watched BOTH OF MY PARENTS go down!! Why, why, does no1 help those of use caring for 2 w/dementia? Do you not care, or see the DEVASTATION it does to ENTIRE FAMILIES, but ESP
    NEEDED!🥺😥

  34. @lindsay8845 on

    It must be tough being a lone female carer for a dementia patient in their own home. From what I've seen and heard, you're very much left to get on with it. Some people who have never worked with dementia patients esp ones who can be physically aggressive get a big shock and quite a lot of them quit cause they can't cope. It's really hard work, draining and you can get burned out quickly. If the person becomes violent at home, they are usually admitted to a hospital dementia unit.

  35. @kwestwick6065 on

    If only it were that easy to have her agree to go sit at the table, with the very nicest of tone and kindest of energy coming from the caregiver. The reality for many is much more complicated than has been shown in this dramatization.

  38. @ellensunden2778 on

    My mother, who has not been diagnosed but who has several symptoms of cognitive decline, will not let me speak at all. Whenever I try to speak, she screams at me to "Shut UP! Go to Hell!" I can't even get half a word out before being sworn at. She has also scratched my right hand pretty good while trying to slap me in the face for speaking without her permission. What can I do? How can I get her to stop hurting me? I called the cops on her when she tried to slap me in the face and scratched my hand, but the officer said that he didn't see her as a threat to herself or others (even though my hand was bleeding from her attack). Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!

  39. @Kellbell00 on

    I’m a CNA and my resident broke my wrist a few days ago. He’s never been aggressive or violent towards me and it really came out of the blue. I’m unsure of what I did wrong and he no longer trusts me to care for him. I’m honestly devastated.

  41. @shanekelley2554 on

    I work in retail and deal with this all the time. Literally not working tomorrow because id rather reenlist in the military.

    I cant stand civilians anymore.

    Think biden or harris can help me?

    Shit nevermind, im a white middle class male heterosexual, im on my own. May god have mercy.

  45. @ellenkuehne540 on

    Paw paw has Alzheimer’s and his caregiver says GOOD MORNING JERRY ITS YOUR CAREGIVER I SEE YOUR BED IS WET WHY I CHANGE I MAKE YOUR BED FEEL COMFY

  46. @lordfufu33 on

    Keep it simple 1 question 1 instruction at a time,
    dont be bossy or yelling,
    use calming tone,
    provide reassurance, use calming gestures, gentle touch and positive body language
    give ample time and space to cool off and re attempt later
    back away slowly if bbehavour is threatning
    remove lock away weapons.
    call 911 if physical agression cannot be redirited, and if loved one is danger to themselves and others

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