Originally from Byesville, Ohio, Chesar, 51, lives in Oakwood with his wife and their 12-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter. Chesar makes vases with carved texture and bowls with Art Nouveau motifs. He also creates snow sculptures, using a small chisel to carve elaborate forms, like a 10-foot acorn and squirrel he rendered for a winter festival in Michigan.
Chesar taught clay at art centers in Yellow Springs, Kettering, and Kentucky and sold his work professionally with his wife. After 26 years in an academic administrative job that included 12 years teaching, he decided to change course.
“They say when you get to middle age you can either choose to stagnate or generate. I chose to generate and went back at 40 (for my) counseling license,” he said.
“I built my life as an artist. It’s the art field that brought me here,” he said from his office.
“A lot of people struggle with anxiety or depression, get stuck and ruminate. I think artists are people who say ‘what if’ and then try it. It’s taking action. That micro moment of those courageous acts of carving, chipping, painting — it all builds within you and gives you confidence.”
Chesar described himself as a teacher who would talk through the process and discuss topics outside of art with his students.
“A lot of people take classes at community centers when they’re at points of transition. They are new to town, young and looking for love, recently divorced, their partner of 40 years has passed away and they’re trying to get socially active. It was almost like group therapy every week. I decided I really enjoyed this,” he said.
Opening more doors
According to the National Library of Medicine, the global suicide rate for men between ages 25 and 34 has gone up by nearly a third since 2010, and Chesar believes this in in part to do with the fixed career paths men are societally encouraged to pursue. It’s a layered philosophy in regards to feminism, and one he shares with author Richard Reeves.
“I think more men should read ‘Of Boys and Men’. In this book he talks about HEAL jobs. Like STEM stands for ‘Science Technology Engineering Math’, HEAL stands for ‘Health Education Arts Languages’.
“Part of it is getting more men into these fields, to become teachers, counselors. I just got out of a meeting with eleven women. I’m the only male. I have a daughter and son. I want both of them to hear ‘you can be anything’.
“I think opening more doors to more people is better than looking at the door that closed on you. If you got shut out of a technical field, you’re a human, and these (HEAL) jobs are about your humanity. How can you work with other humans to (help them) get through their human experience?”
Credit: Contributed
Credit: Contributed
Follow the leader
Chesar works an 8-5 day, giving himself some time in the morning to get centered before jumping into a day with around six patients.
“A day in the life for me is monitoring my nervous system. News or information can trigger me. I take a deep breath and move forward.
“If I get worked up, you get worked up. If I calm down, you calm down. Modeling calmness, curiosity, and presence really sets a tone.”
As an example, he plays a video of a father sitting with his toddler through a bedtime tantrum.
“It’s called ‘Dad Holding Space for His Daughter’s Big Feelings’. As soon as she faces reality, her body collapses, but he’s able to show her that her feelings are manageable. They end up connected, which is a challenge to the modern male mindset of America.”
He pulls up another video of Bollywood actor Amitabh Bacchan teaching his young son to sing.
“It’s a loving relationship. A coach, not a critic or someone who knows better. Willing to accept mistakes, let things be messy.”
Chesar plays piano, and sometimes to help kids relax he will duet with them on a keyboard.
“I have 7-year-olds who tell me they’re not musicians. We talk about judgment and resistance. Too many boys are running away (from challenges) with ‘I’m not’, ‘I can’t’, instead of saying ‘I can try that, let me find out who I am, what I’m capable of’. There are so many rich lessons in art and music.”
To learn and reflect
He pulls out a large sheet of paper and lays it on the table. He grabs a marker and sketches a tower of building blocks, representing typical tools, like sports, that males use for building self-esteem.
“People come through and knock these towers down and you feel like you’ve lost your self esteem. It’s a deficit model.
“At birth you were 100% confident. Little experiences along the way might rob you of that self esteem. You have to build back up one at a time. Reframing things in counseling is saying, here’s what you can do to get back. You are enough already.”
He’ll also sketch out a board game, and with his patient, will make a path that runs into a “confidence sink”, which moves them back a couple spaces. They identify how this happens in life.
Credit: Hannah Kasper
Credit: Hannah Kasper
Walking toward the horizon
Does he feel depleted at the end of his work day?
“I don’t. I feel more energized knowing for that hour I was very present with that person. You stop participating in the cynical nature of some parts of the world. Not all work has to be exhausting. It’s the same lessons I’ve learned being an artist with clay.”
Chesar takes these strategies home to his family, saying it has aided his parenting. He hopes to help his children, who grew up tinkering in the home clay studio, by helping others around him.
“I think if more men realize that if they get laid off today, there are so many HEAL jobs and opportunities for them to bring their whole being together instead of trying to fit into that older model.”
For Chesar, this approach is a gender-inclusive model.
“Men can show up and help the field advocate for higher pay, better recognition, more value,” he said.
“I think in therapy you stop ruminating and holding on, and you start to walk toward the horizon.”
MORE INFO
If you or a loved one are in crisis the Montgomery County Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988. More information is online at 988lifeline.org.