Have you ever contemplated sharing what’s on your mind? Maybe you were met with open arms and steady hands of support. But maybe, like in many Asian American and Pacific Islander households, you were told to get some more sleep and eat some more. The burden that this silence holds plays a detrimental role in the mental health of many AAPI youth.
Imagine that you are in a situation where you are sitting at the dinner table in the evening, but you don’t have the words to name the anxiety that buzzes around in your head. Maybe you dare to tell your parents that you’ve been feeling stressed lately.
Maybe they pause and smile and tell you to “sleep earlier,” and that “you’ll feel better if you finish your dinner and drink some water.” They claim that “it’s nothing,” and that “you shouldn’t think about it so much.” And silverware clinks to cover up the silence and maybe you eat your food to act like you hadn’t said a thing in the first place. Does this sound familiar?
These types of situations reveal a high emotional disconnect in many AAPI families. Cultural silence has often been dictated by AAPI emotional norms. We know that we shouldn’t open our hearts to talk about feelings and fears. We should open our mouths to talk about achievements, to eat delicious food and recite our successes in academics.
Many reasons as to why AAPI individuals are reluctant to be open about mental health come from high values placed on family honor, migration struggles, generational trauma, and the difficulty with attaining culturally-specific resources. Some languages don’t even have a word with a direct translation to “depression” or “anxiety.”
There are many reasons behind this silence. Whether emotional expression may seem shameful, disrespectful, or even weak, many people in AAPI households are scared of being vulnerable. But I know from experience that many AAPI teens, especially, know the burden of carrying the pressure of perfection, high standards, and silence all on their two shoulders. So many youth fall and struggle to rise, as they try to meet the brutal model minority myth. This poses a significant danger to their mental health.
Many of my peers feel exhausted from meeting parental expectations, stereotypes, and their own ambitions. They fear that their tears and feelings are signs of weakness and can bring shame to the family. Many of them find it hard to take a stand for their own mental health and struggle to push back against cultural expectations that view emotional restraint as a strength.
Asian Americans are the least likely to seek mental health care, compared to other racial and ethnic groups. According to the 2020 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 20.8% of Asian adults with a mental illness received treatment.
In my own mental health advocacy, I try to reflect on my experiences, as well as the experiences of other youth who normalize burnout and loneliness in an attempt to uphold their family’s image. I want to spread awareness on what it feels like to be tired for weeks and months without knowing why.
I believe that everyone should be their own mental health advocate and that whenever possible individuals should seek culturally aware resources for themselves, their peers and their family. There is hope for mental health empowerment and awareness in the AAPI community.
While awareness is important, acceptance and action are key to creating safe spaces. Checking in on your friends, reflecting on your feelings, and having honest conversations about mental health are crucial to start promoting mental health in your community.
This change isn’t something that will happen overnight, but it can shine in the smallest moments. Whether you sit with someone in silence to make sure they’re not alone, speak out about your feelings on platforms and in safe spaces, or even just write one word, we can lift the silence that has been passed down in the AAPI community for generations. Every time we speak up, we break down barriers that have been holding together generations of silence.
This column by Aditi Ediga is part of Project Awaaz, a teen-led series on mental health and culture.
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