Content Warning: This story contains mentions of suicide, depression and substance abuse.
In her memoir “I’ll Try Anything Twice: Misadventures of a Self-Medicated Life,” released March 10, author Carly Schwartz (Medill ’07) explores her relationships with success, activism abroad and reality television amidst struggles with mental health and substance abuse.
The book details Schwartz’s journey towards sobriety and stabilized mental health during a period of tumultuous relationships and career changes in her thirties.
On the surface, Schwartz said she had a “formative college experience” at Northwestern. She joined the Delta Delta Delta sorority, sang in Significant Others a capella group and co-founded a campus magazine called NUde.
However, Schwartz said her struggles with severe depression kept her from fully appreciating her time on campus.
“I look back on my time at Northwestern and it was just incredible,” she said. “I wish I had allowed myself to know that.”
In her book, Schwartz writes candidly about these struggles, describing a suicide attempt during college that led to her being put on medication and into intensive therapy. She dropped out of school twice in order to care for her mental health.
Schwartz said she maintained interest in her journalism classes, even when she was failing other courses. She said one of her favorites was a magazine editing class with Medill Prof. Patti Wolter. Even though the class had a rigorous workload, Schwartz said she looked forward to each assignment.
“I was like, ‘Man, I feel like my bones know how to do this,’” Schwartz said.
The magazine class and others helped Schwartz realize her true passion for journalism.
Wolter said she remembers Schwartz’s high energy in an intense course. She said she saw Schwartz thrive in the fast-paced environment where students were frequently expected to pitch ideas and complete different editing tasks.
“It is totally not a surprise to me that she’s led a career where she’s actually led newsrooms and launched newsrooms,” Wolter said. “Because she absolutely demonstrated that level of leadership, enthusiasm and entrepreneurship while she was a student.”
Schwartz took her journalistic qualifications into the post-graduate world as one of the early editors of the HuffPost. She said the skills she learned at NU helped her keep up as the site blew up in the early 2010s.
Despite her early success as a journalist, Schwartz decided to leave the company to take a fellowship in Mexico City, a move which eventually led her to working for a small camp in the jungles of Panama that was attempting to become fully sustainable. In her book, she refers to this town by the pseudonym “Ico-Inna.”
In 2017, Schwartz took a group of Medill undergraduates on a trip to “Ico-Inna” to learn about the environmental initiatives there. Medill Director of Alumni Engagement Belinda Lichty Clarke came along as a faculty adviser.
Lichty Clarke said she admired the efforts of the team running “Ico-Inna,” but doubted at the time whether the community could ever be legitimately sustainable. She noted that they were still bringing in the bulk of their food from grocery stores to feed the visiting students.
Now, “Ico-Inna” has dropped its educational function and instead serves as a venue for eco-tourism.
In her book, Schwartz recalls many interactions with people she calls “social impact warriors” during her time in Latin America. She wrestles with figuring out who is entitled to make the world a better place, and if that phrase in itself is inherently problematic.
In reflecting on her takeaways, Schwartz said while she wouldn’t trade away her experiences, she understands now that she doesn’t have to leave the country to make a positive impact in the world.
“If you want to change the world, why don’t you start in your own backyard?” Schwartz said. “Our own communities have extraordinary problems today.”
Schwartz ended up leaving the community due to her rising depression and concerns surrounding a reality television crew filming there. She moved back to San Francisco, where she has lived ever since.
At this point in her memoir, Schwartz writes openly about her persistent battle with suicidal ideation and depression.
Even after starting a successful job at Google, she still faced difficulty with functioning and self-love day-to-day. These crises of confidence were only amplified by her heavy reliance on marijuana, cocaine and alcohol to be social at the time.
The behaviors of substance abuse and self-hatred came to a head when Schwartz decided to attend a substance abuse rehabilitation facility. She said becoming sober allowed her to rethink her definition of success after a life spent in rigorous, competitive environments.
“I realized, maybe things are just okay where they are, and maybe real success means waking up every morning, loving myself and feeling a sense of purpose and gratitude,” Schwartz said. “I never got any of that from getting promoted or getting impressive on-paper career accolades.”
In her years of sobriety, Schwartz has worked to raise awareness about mental health and substance abuse issues.
Lichty Clarke said she is impressed by Schwartz’s ability to overcome mental obstacles while maintaining a busy work life, and that Schwartz is willing to share her experience in the book.
“I think it’s neat that she’s now turned that life experience into a memoir,” Lichty Clarke said. “Being able to share her struggles, share how she had to deal with the things that she was dealing with in her personal life and her health, while also pursuing her craft in journalism.”
Schwartz said she hopes her story will help others battling substance abuse or depression to find help now, and to realize their claim to self-love.
She said she thinks speaking candidly about suicidal thoughts can help those who experience them feel less alone.
“If something is this pervasive and this common and we are so afraid to face it head on, then people are going to continue absorbing this sense of shame and self-hate in the shadows,” Schwartz said. “I personally believe that one of the main ways to combat this is to bring it into the light and to talk about it together.”
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