Jacob Merrithew | Courtesy Jacob Merrithew
REXBURG — Surviving a suicide attempt is one thing; helping others is something more.
After experiencing the impact of a suicide in his family and his own battle with depression, Brigham Young University-Idaho alumnus Jacob Merrithew, 23, wrote a song about suicide that has inspired over 40,000 worldwide listeners to keep living beyond their darkest moments.
“When I was younger, I had a lot of feelings that I didn’t necessarily recognize were mental health related,” Merrithew said. “I was serving a mission for the LDS church, and I came home because my mental health was so bad, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about, you know, wanting to leave and wanting to find a way out.”
His song, ‘988’ is about a young man who wrote a suicide note to his father in a moment of hopelessness, only for it to be found by his mother, who helped him know he is loved.
“Mom, I don’t know what I was thinking,” the song says, “I was stuck in quicksand, I was really sinking. Started listening to the voice of the demons.”
The song centers on the idea that all it takes is one act to help someone feel seen.
“Just him knowing how much one person cared in that moment was enough for him to find hope and meaning to make it through,” Merrithew said.
Inspired by the 988 crisis lifeline and artists such as Logic, who wrote a similar song related to the previous suicide crisis line, Merrithew hopes his song will help people who feel hopeless.
Jacob Merrithew meeting Logic | Courtesy Jacob Merrithew
A personal turning point came for Merrithew when he moved in with his recently widowed Grandma, and saw her resilient and happy approach to life.
“It helped me recognize that if I look hard enough, there are things in my life that I can find,” Merrithew says. “And so I decided to get on medication after I talked to my mom, and that was crucial. That really helped me out a lot.”
The first few months were very hard, he says, but over time, the medication helped him think more clearly.
About a year later, Merrithew was listening to a song by NF called “How Could You Leave Us” about a boy who lost his mom to suicide. Merrithew reflected on his own struggles, and his own family member who died by suicide, and started writing.
“At first, I started off by using it as a story, as a way for me to express to others what I had been going through,” Merrithew said. “And I said, I don’t know really what my goal is, but the first two words that I wrote down in the song were, ‘Hey dad.’”
This brought back the heavy emotions from Merrithew’s own past.
“I’m stuck in front of mountains that I can’t climb.”
“It made me start crying,” Merrithew said. “And I kept writing with it. And then I came up with this narrative of the song, where the idea is that all it takes is one person, one interaction, one text, one call, … to save someone’s life.”
He hopes the song will reach those who feel they are at the breaking point, as he did.
“I wanted it to be a narrative for people that they can use as a source of healing,” Merrithew said. “I was literally crying as I was recording it, getting choked up because of how personal it was.”
Jacob Merrithew | Courtesy Jacob Merrithew
“Hey dad, I think this will be the last time I write you, because I am losing my mind. I’m stuck in front of mountains that I can’t climb,” the song begins.
He shared it with his family, including his now-wife, who revealed that she had once attempted suicide herself, and insisted that he should release the song.
“I had no idea because she’s just so happy and bright and kind and generous to others all the time,” Merrithew said. “And it brought me to tears, and it really just helped me understand that, you know what? I think that this is something that people need.”
Before releasing it to the public, he first sent it directly to a list of mental health organizations, such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), to share it with the people they serve.
“I contacted every single one on that list, and I heard back from the majority of them,” Merrithew said. “They loved it, and people from their teams shared their stories with me, and I said, I think that this can make an impact.”
After publishing the song, Merrithew began seeing messages from people who were touched by it.
Comments from listeners to “988”
“Every time I get a text, a direct message, an e-mail, anything from someone else sharing their story or sharing that they’ve been touched, that is a win,” Merrithew said. “I just hope that in my small corner of the internet that my voice can be amplified as a story of breaking through, and overcoming those demons and trials that can pull you down and make you feel like you can’t get out.”
While Merrithew continues to work on music, his immediate focus is on promoting the song, as he considers it the most important message he has to share with the world. He is seeking to expand a public awareness campaign he calls “All it Takes is One,” based on the song’s message.
“Being vulnerable, being vocal, and being strong will help anyone get through hard times.”
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