“I know what it means to play in an Olympic final; I know what it means to literally bleed, sweat and cry tears for this team,” she says.
Michaela Brake with her son Harvey, now 12 weeks old.
“But the difference for me now is that I’m a part-time rugby player and a full-time mum. Because at the end of the day, whatever the result, however my training goes, I need to go home and feed my boy, and he couldn’t care less what I do right now. He just needs his mum.”
Harvey is now 12 weeks old, a smiling, giggly little boy. Brake and her husband, Olympic gold medallist rower Michael Brake, are smitten with him.
But the rugby star renowned for her grit and resilience admits the transition to motherhood has been more difficult than she expected – at times smashing her like a tackle she didn’t see coming.
“I didn’t enjoy the first eight weeks of being a mum. I was in the pits,” says Brake, the most prolific try-scorer in international women’s sevens.
For the first time in her life, her mental health was seriously challenged. After Harvey’s birth by caesarean in late March, Brake cried a lot and was anxious every time she left the house with him.
“You’re feeding a baby who’s not really giving you much back other than crying. You see people on social media saying it’s such a joyful bubble, and you’re loving this bundle of joy, but I was miserable,” she admits.
“I think people don’t want to talk about the hard side of it, because they don’t want to come across as ungrateful. But I’m all for honesty.
“Those first eight weeks were really, really hard. If I was able to get a workout, I was stoked. If I had my mum or mother-in-law here so I could go to the park and do a walk, that just made my day amazing. It’s been a very humbling challenge – I wouldn’t say it’s easier now, but it’s getting better.”
Michaela Brake in action for the Black Ferns Sevens. Photo / Photosport
Brake credits her mum, former Black Fern Cherry Blyde – a dairy farmer and Taranaki Rugby’s first female president – for helping her through the dark days.
“There’s absolutely no way I would be where I am mentally without her – she’s stepped up for me so much,” she says of the woman she calls Super Nana.
Brake has been struck by the number of athlete mums who’ve gone through a similar experience.
“As someone who may come across as this invincible rugby player and has two Olympic gold medals, I’m still very human and going through an experience that a lot of other mums do as well – the number who said, ‘This is normal’ blew my mind. All these emotions, thoughts and feelings are deemed normal, yet it punches you in the face.”
Finding a new normal
At home in Tauranga, Brake is reclaiming some of her normality. Having re-signed with New Zealand Rugby through till the end of 2027, she’s back training with some of her old Black Ferns teammates.
She and Shiray Kaka, mum to 9-month-old son Korihi, meet up each week at the Blake Park gym with expectant mums Dhys Faleafaga, Theresa Setefano and Tyler King, to train together.
She does most of her training at home, under a return-to-play programme from the Black Ferns Sevens medical staff. She calls on friends, like former teammate and mother of two Kelly Brazier, to help with Harvey when she heads out for a run.
“A lot of people assumed when I went to the Warriors last year and then got pregnant, it was my way of retiring. But no, I was always coming back. Although getting pregnant wasn’t part of the plan, Harvey’s a beautiful blessing,” Brake says.
Olympic gold medallists Michael and Michaela Brake with son Harvey and dog Honey.
She’s also returning to work this weekend, commentating for Sky on the Super Rugby Aupiki match between Chiefs Manawa and the Blues – a challenge she’s “very, very excited about”.
“I need something for myself. When I was pregnant, I still trained with the girls here and there, but I didn’t do a lot of things for myself because I was either sick or too tired,” she says. “So I’m really excited to take my brain away from being a mum for a few hours and focus on being a commentator for Sky Sport.”
Her first game will be on Saturday at FMG Stadium Waikato, where the Blues – first-round winners over the Hurricanes Poua, 42-7 – meet home side Chiefs Manawa, who lost 52-26 to Matatū first up. Brake is predicting a close match.
“The Blues are just a different type of pedigree at the moment – they’re looking incredible, which is what happens when the majority of your team are Black Ferns,” she says.
“I think the Chiefs Manawa just made very simple mistakes last weekend that are easily fixable, and they’re playing at home. I reckon this game will be much different for both sides.
“Obviously, I’m a Chiefs girl at heart, but when it comes to Super Rugby Aupiki, I just want to see the teams have fun and develop their game, and I want more people to go and watch it.”
She warns she could be rusty, having last done a commentary over a year ago. “Luckily, I’ve got Rikki [Swannell] as my play-by-play commentator and I’ll just bounce off her, and Les [Elder], who I really look up to. She’s a very proud ex-rugby player and a huge advocate for the women’s game.”
Harvey won’t be far away – his dad will be walking him around the stadium while his mum is in the commentary box. “At the full-time whistle, I’ll be mic off, headphones down, and out of there. If he’s hungry mid-game, I can’t stop, so it will be a good test of our organisation,” she laughs.
Brake will also feature in panel discussions during Sky’s coverage of National Rugby League Women’s (NRLW) games starting on July 2.
Last season, she played four games for the Warriors Women in her league debut, before her contract was cut short by her pregnancy.
“Being part of the environment last year, my heart stays with the Warriors, and I’m super pumped to watch them play,” she says. “They have an elite team this season with some serious recruitment. I reckon they will go very well.”
That recruitment includes her former Black Ferns Sevens teammates Gayle Broughton and Stacey Waaka.
Michaela Brake makes a run in Warriors colours. Photo / Photosport
A supportive new era for mum athletes
The Black Ferns Sevens squad return to pre-season at Mount Maunganui on August 10 – giving Brake two more months to get herself back to doing a bronco aerobic fitness test again.
“I feel good physically, but after having a C-section, I need to remember I just had a very serious surgery and be patient with myself. I feel myself getting 5% stronger each week – it’s a great feeling knowing I’ve gone from struggling to walk up my driveway to now bench-pressing 40 kilos, so I’m really stoked with myself,” Brake says.
“I know what my best is like, and I’m obviously nowhere near that right now. But I know what I’m chasing. When I’m on the field, it will be about playing the best rugby I can and making my family – and myself – proud, because I proved I can do this.”
Under New Zealand Rugby’s parental policy, players can take their babies and a support person on tour until the child turns 1.
“It’s special we’re now in a space where women rugby players – and most women athletes – are being looked after by their sporting organisations,” Brake says. “So Harvey will potentially be able to go to Dubai, Cape Town, Perth, Singapore and Vancouver before he turns 1. He’s going to be a well-travelled baby.
“At the Los Angeles Olympics, I’ll be 32 and he’ll be 2 and a bit, so he will have some sort of idea of his mum playing professional rugby.”
Brake says she hasn’t missed taking the field – last wearing the black jersey in May last year when the Black Ferns were crowned winners of the world series – but she found it hard watching the team lose the world championship final in Bordeaux this month.
“I was gutted for them – but they were playing so well, my mind is at ease about it all. They need this kind of exposure,” she says.
“To put it simply, some of us old girls have carried the young ones, so they need to experience the pressure. Losing to Aussie at the last two tournaments was a good eye-opener for them to realise when it comes down to the nailbiting moments, you need to be better – turn those pressure moments into points. It will have definitely changed their mindset for the coming season.
“And with the old mums coming back to the team – myself and Shiray [Kaka] – we will quite happily tell them to get moving, they’ve got a rude awakening coming.”
Kaka has also re-signed – coming back from a third ACL rupture, which ruled her out of the 2024 Paris Olympics.
“Shiray is in a good place, and I’m super proud of her re-signing, because she wasn’t sure what was going to happen with her career,” Brake says.
“So the fact that [coach] Corey Sweeney and the Black Ferns Sevens still see her as a valuable member of our squad is awesome. Hopefully we’ll be playing centre and wing and scoring tries together again – watch out World Series!”
The second round of Super Rugby Aupiki kicks off on Saturday with Chiefs Manawa v Blues Women, FMG Stadium Waikato. On Sunday, Hurricanes Poua play Matatū, Maidstone Park.
This story was originally published at Newsroom.co.nz and is republished with permission.