Situationships are Complicated
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26 Comments
I feel like the romantic attraction is not always a big thing in situationships. The guy finds the other somewhat attractive, not enough to have a relationship with, but not enough for them to have the girl as an option and enjoy their attention and affection.
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It’s hard bro I don’t want to mess anyone else up
Mine began as FB friends 7 yrs ago, with 8,000 miles apart. A lot of time spent together, also in person. Immigration laws complicate it even more than it already is, and neither of us are young.
I did exactly this when I was in a similar situation(ship?). I told the guy I have feelings for him at a time where he was giving me extremely mixed signals. He clearly said he didn’t want a relationship so atleast I was sure on that.
My current girlfriend and I met at work we don’t work at that place or together anymore but that’s not entirely relevant. What is relevant is that we started our relationship when she swiped on me on tinder and we got talking. At the time I was getting out of a very toxic year long relationship that I ended up destroying by cheating (I’m not proud but it did get her to see how bad things actually were and get rid of the leverage she had over me to keep me in the relationship). At the start of my current GF (CGF) it was purely just me wanting to rebound, and that’s all it was until my ex and I got in an argument over how I was keeping my relationship with CGF secret from her. My ex then told me to tell her the truth bc it wasn’t fair to my CGF. I had to determine in that moment what I wanted out of my relationship with my CGF. I decided I wanted to be honest that I wanted to do things differently and that first and foremost I wanted to be her friend. So I called her, told her everything, and cancelled the plans I had made with her that night. It was scary bc she was in and out of situationships at the time and I was putting a lot of emotional investment into this girl fully knowing that I likely wasn’t gonna get any of it back. I was honest and I never acted in a way that was against what I said I would do. It’s been over a year now since we’ve met and it’s almost a year that we made our relationship official. Honestly sometimes I’m scared our baggage is too heavy for the other to carry but I’ll be damned if at least I don’t try. Honesty is terrifying you don’t know how the person will react and you can use some psychological tricks to leverage her feelings in your favor without being manipulative just sweet. I will tell you you will have people walk out on you but the ones who decide to stay will be your greatest connections and your best of friends.
Yeah they scared
Life is not serious as you think, just get in that and see its working or not and if its not then just break up
how does this even happen to people
Sleepers,keepers,sweepers
The person I had a situationship with broke up with me after a month on a dickish manner, because they felt I was "too emotional and they were not my therapist and I needed help". I felt hurt by the ways they mistreated my body and me during the situationshit, and I somehow felt relief next to the hurt. A month later they wanted me back and admitted they were having feelings for me. They were and are not welcome in my life. I don't know if I will ever recover from ten years of traumabonding and domestic violence (with/without reactive abuse) with eight different people who unfortunately have to much in common with eachother. I indeed have attachment issues to work on.
As someone with a failed 5-year situationship:
Don't do it. It's 98% the same as a normal relationship and way over FWB. Just go into the relationship and try it out.
Else, it will always hurt feelings for at least one person GUARANTEED. And it doesn't matter who initiates the situationship and who wants secretly more.
Don't do it. Period!
Very true
I used to be scared to be honest about my feelings because I didn't want to show vulnerability so was never first to admit feelings
Yepp someone pushed.. on to me as she said your bf vibes.. when in situationship area.. and then when changed my whole life to move closer as both planned.. then it went sideways
hoemath says the girl needs to test the guys investment. its entirely in the womans court. if he invests and she doesn't give it up, the guy will simply move onto the next woman on the list that does.
Honestly, I've learned that relationships can have way more shapes than just the kind that end in kids, co-living, marriage etc. I've been in relationships that were wonderful that didn't include much romantic feelings, but more than a friendship and without sex. I've been in a relationship with one person and a cuddleship with another at the same time.
Dr.K is right about honesty, but I think we can also hurt ourselves and others by restricting our conceptions of a relationship to the traditional. Finding the common ground and anchoring to that is the basis of trust and love, not the secret dreams of one person for a romance that will never happen.
I love multiple people in different ways, and I think the 'situationship' is a sort of symptom and breakthrough in our experience of relationships. Listening very closely to yourself and your impulsed helps you not get into things you don't want, and not connecting a kiss to marriage helps reduce pressure.
Situationship is a great word. Once somebody uses that word as a regular part of their vocabulary, i can instantly dismiss them.
I'd love to hear you collab with Hoe_Math about this topic
How honest? I have hung out with this girl for about 2 years, and I was never really romantically attracted to her. Now I went through a hard time lately and realized she's like my best friend and kind of my safe place, I'm still not super attracted to her, but I do feel something there. I'm not really sure how to proceed. I was thinking about asking her on a date and saying it like that, but I was also givin the advice not to call it a date. Idk, sometimes it seems like to much advice can hurt instead of help. I'd like to see if we could have something here. We always have a blast and laugh about the dumbest things.
What's a situationship?
They’re just using you. Run away.
Love Dr K, but honestly don’t think it’s that complicated:
Woman wants guy who’s out of her league. She throws the box at him hoping to win him over and make him her boyfriend.
Reality is that he’ll take the easy sex, but never give her commitment.
She’ll get strung along (sometimes for years), waiting for a relationship that will never happen.
So what exactly is a situationship?
Cut back to me 1 month into "hanging out" with my current partner: " Hey, so where is this going?"
Them: " I wouldn't mind dating you."
Me:" I wouldn't mind that."
10 years later, still in a relationship with many ups and downs in life.