On Wednesday, April 29th, a California court will begin determining whether the criminal case against Nick Reiner will move forward. It stands as a concerning precursor to Mental Health Awareness Month in May. After a highly public struggle with mental health issues and substance use, Nick Reiner is accused of two counts of first-degree murder, one for each of his parents, celebrated actor/filmmaker Rob Reiner and his wife, Michelle Singer Reiner.
While the tragedy represents a rare scenario—individuals with mental health issues are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators—it triggers real fears, given the number of older adults living with grown children who are experiencing serious mental illness and/or addiction.
Thousands of people all over the country indefinitely keep their homes open to adult-age loved ones with mental health diagnoses. Because the United States doesn’t provide meaningful funding to help manage their complex issues, there are few alternatives, specifically supportive housing options. As a result, struggling individuals without places to stay frequently cycle in and out of hospitals, jails, and homelessness. Their families can go weeks or months without hearing from them.
With this backdrop as their reality, many families believe they have no choice but to maintain living arrangements, even as they grow untenable, which can happen in many ways. Aging parents eventually struggle to maintain their caregiving responsibilities or simply to stay in homes large enough to accommodate additional people. Well siblings of those with mental illness are often adversely affected, including being deprived of parental attention. Decompensation events can create fear and discomfort for everyone, especially when symptoms include psychosis or mania.
There are few good choices for people in such circumstances, but advice from experienced practitioners can still make a difference. For example:
Research inpatient and outpatient treatment. While there are few supportive housing options for people with mental illness, they are still worth researching, especially given that wait lists can be lengthy. It also makes sense for families to look into outpatient programs, from group therapy to job training, which can provide tangible help and respite to everyone in the family.
Remove firearms and limit access to other potential weapons. Those with serious mental health diagnoses can experience breaks from reality, necessitating that family members eliminate access to weapons. This common-sense, responsible step is especially important in reducing the likelihood that an individual will engage in an act of self-harm. It has also become a legal precaution as juries hold family members responsible for those in their care.
Install locks on bedroom doors. While it’s statistically unlikely that individuals with mental illness will pose a threat to others, family members should seek to protect themselves and others in their household. The simple step of installing locks on bedroom doors allows for peace of mind in situations that can often feel chaotic.
Heed the advice of well children. Siblings and extended family or friends of those with mental illness often have a clearer perspective than parents on the realities of shared living situations—the result of having a bird’s eye view, but without the sense of parental responsibility. Such clarity can help point the way forward in times of confusion and distress.
Keep a paper trail. Maintaining a written journal of behaviors, medications, calls with insurance companies, etc., can be helpful for mental health legal counsel and other mental health practitioners. Their ability to quickly reference such records helps speed needed actions, from treatment modifications to legal advocacy.
Set expectations for living at home. It is essential that parents communicate clear rules that loved ones with mental illness must follow to remain at home. This might include taking daily medication, attending all their clinical appointments, and refraining from alcohol and recreational drugs. Such boundaries help maintain healthy family dynamics, ensuring everyone understands expectations.
Try not to enable negative behaviors. It may be tempting to let certain rules slide to “keep the peace” within a family unit. However, it’s been well-documented that if a caregiver acts as “enabler” of their loved one in the short term, the potential for long-term conflict and discord exponentially increases.
Whether mental health issues end up on the evening news or stay behind closed doors, Mental Health Awareness Month serves as a reminder that families do not have to navigate such challenges alone. Expert advice from professionals with proven track records can help caregivers make the most out of difficult circumstances and best ensure that living situations are manageable for all.