Julie and Michael Sutherland of Bellingham, Massachusetts did everything right when it came to understanding and managing Michael’s mental health.
“I always said he was the best patient,” said Julie. “He was willing to try things, and depression and anxiety it’s so prevalent, and he was really good at talking about it with people.”
He first started showing signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety early on in their marriage. They took their vows of “in sickness and in health” very seriously.
“He got treatment, he went on some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and for 20-plus years he was great, it was all working. He was living and happy,” said Julie.
With his symptoms being managed, and two children now in the mix, the pair was confident that tackling the problem together was working. Until it wasn’t.
“He described it was just not feeling the joy, that was the other thing. He would say, ‘I have everything in my life that I’ve ever wanted. I have this beautiful family, my wife, my children, I have this house this property. We built the business successful, and I can’t enjoy it,’” said Julie.
As Michael struggled with his own battles, Julie knew that her role as caregiver was tantamount to his journey.
“He didn’t think it was fair,” she said. “His mental health illness wasn’t fair. He was very aware of how hard it was for me; he said it a lot and wanted me to take care of myself. But there were also times where it became exhausting as his caregiver, because it was those times when I guess I got frustrated or exhausted, I really started to establish a support system, and I would talk to people.”
She found solace in acts of self-care, like exercise and fresh air. “For caregivers, remembering you are as important as the person you’re taking care of and those little moments of self-care you absolutely have to find it no matter what it is, it could be whatever appeals you. But that is crucial if we’re going to help support the people we love,” she said.
Michael ultimately took his own life in November of 2024. As painful as the loss is, Julie chooses to remember and honor him as he was – a loving husband and father.
“I also, I feel very lucky in my circumstances. It’s not always the case,” Julie said. “I don’t have anger towards him. I know that both he and I did everything we could. I feel that in my heart. So, I don’t have anger.”
Instead, she focused on finding ways to help. Including raising money for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which is dedicated to helping people like Michael. She believes it’s important to share her story.
“We need to lose the stigma,” Julie said. “When we talk about this with people we’re providing education, but we’re really providing support and the safety to be able to talk about it openly.”
WBZ and CBS are partnering with the National Alliance of Mental Illness Massachusetts this month.
If you need help with depression, suicide prevention, substance abuse or other issues, there are several resources available here.
You can also call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can have a free, confidential conversation with a trained counselor anytime.