“I’m fine.”
This phrase has become one of the most regular lies that a person tells. There’s no clear answer as to why this is, but somewhere along the way, mental health became associated with being able to present yourself strongly and recover quickly. We smile, we show up, we learn how to survive in silence, because for many people, admitting to struggle feels like a risk. While the month of May offers support, we often move past the unspoken effort it takes to simply function even when you aren’t okay.
Each May, Mental Health Awareness month rolls around. Communities bring attention to emotional wellbeing through mental health conversations–urging everyone to take action, seek help, and act with compassion. Though, in our community, May isn’t just about mental health awareness, but about Patrick Roemer, who took his own life on May 8th, 2018. He was a beloved member of the Lake Forest community, with a powerful bond with animals and his family.
For Patrick, dogs were more than just a pet. They were a source of comfort, love and companionship. They helped him cope with anxiety and depression, and in his honor Patrick’s family and friends created Paws for Patrick. 
“I have seen firsthand how challenging depression and anxiety can be—not only for my son, Patrick, but for everyone who cared about him. These struggles are compounded by the stigma around mental illness, which often is an invisible illness,” says Paws For Patrick Co-Founder & Vice Chair, Fronzie Roemer.
Depression and anxiety exist in many forms and have a deeper meaning than just feeling sad or having a bad day. For teenagers, these signs of isolation and illness often appear as shifting attitudes and behaviors in home, school, and social settings. And for many, their overall mood and character change. Emotional traits that follow along are irritability, frustration, hopelessness, sadness, and low self esteem. Physical traits can show up through fatigue, insomnia, weight gain or loss, and delayed thinking.
Additionally, nearly 40% of high school seniors have reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. 1 in 5 students have seriously considered suicide, and almost 1 in 10 have attempted.
However, depression and anxiety are not the only struggles that can cause this ongoing pressure to always feel okay. Both teenagers and adults have reported rising levels of eating disorders, substance abuse, and hallucinating thoughts.
These habits, leading to even deeper problems, are easily blown over and viewed as something negative. In reality, many people exhibit these habits to provide themselves with a sense of relief–coping mechanism, and an outlet to go when life feels too heavy. These behaviors that are often dismissed as annoying or aggressive are typically the ones that end up signaling someone’s silent cry for help. Healthy coping mechanisms like these can help minimize heavy feelings and provide relief.
During these times of struggle, people take on a productive mindset to cover up their internal fears.
As stated by Mindsol, “Staying busy, staying productive, and staying composed can help you avoid difficult feelings that do not feel safe or manageable to face. Over time, this creates a pattern of replacing emotional awareness for performance.”
Photo Courtesy of Family Psychiatry
In high school, this situation occurs more often than not. On social media, we develop a sense of ongoing comparison through posts with curated happiness. It affects us, but we don’t want to admit it–so we say that we are okay. When work piles up and we become overwhelmed, we embrace productivity and take on the mindset of “just keep going”. This too, is heavy, yet falling apart doesn’t feel like an option, so we continue to present ourselves as okay. Even something ‘so simple’ such as getting out of bed in the morning can feel nearly impossible.
Almost everyone has felt alone at least once in their life, no matter how surrounded you may be, there can be a sense of lingering loneliness. Lake Forest High School Social Worker Maggie Harmsen shared important advice regarding this topic.
“The biggest misconception is that struggling is a failure. If you are struggling, it’s not because you are ‘weak’; it’s because your body has exceeded your current limit. Everyone struggles. It is ok to struggle,” says Mrs. Harmsen. “Do not be ashamed to seek support! That is why we are here. You are not alone.”
Outside of the school setting, burnout still occurs. This feeling of constant exhaust can occur from many things such as sports, friends, or the external pressure to meet your familial expectations. In this case, the pressure feels overwhelming and people begin to recognize that help is needed.
Harmsen explained a similar trend, of many waiting to ask for help. “A lot of the time they do not realize that they are overwhelmed until it is in a crisis type situation.”
It can often be scary to ask for help because of the fear of being judged, dismissed or becoming a burden. It is important to realize that this is not the reality. People do care and feeling alone never has to be the answer. Especially in Lake Forest, our community is surrounded by help and guidance.
“LFHS is lucky to have the student support we do. Each student has an assigned social worker, counselor, and psychologist. We are all here to support all students, so they can enjoy their high school experience to the best of their abilities!” said Harmsen.
May 15th is known as the Day of Action which advocates for improved mental health support. This year the slogan for MHA month is “More Good Days, Together” fostering community and connection. Mental Health America, the major mental health organization in the United States, is urging Congress to pass the EARLY Minds Act. The EARLY Minds Act is proposed to fund prevention and early intervention.
Along with this day of recognition, certain communities choose to display green ribbon throughout their towns. This ribbon is the internationally recognized symbol of mental health, encouraging society to show solidarity and treat mental health with consideration.
Photo courtesy of ourworldindata.org
These organizations advocate for the same purpose: increasing awareness and reducing the stigma that comes along with needed support. Everyone needs help at some point in their life, and the impacts of these organizations spread that message.
Lake Forest specifically has had a lasting effect through Paws for Patrick. Not only does this program promote proper mental health education, but also a sense of inclusiveness and openness during times of struggle.
“I believe this awareness encourages more people to seek support when they need it, without shame or hesitation,” said Roemer.
Whether you feel that you are okay or not, it will be okay. Behind every struggle is a person trying their best to cope. There is nothing wrong with having to seek help, such as talking to a trusted adult, confiding in someone, or calling the 988 hotline. Remember, mental health matters – nobody should have to face their battles alone.