Resilience often gets mistaken for toughness or grit, as if you’re meant to power through anything without flinching. “But it’s really more about being psychologically flexible, [and] moving forward even when faced with something uncomfortable,” explains Robert Alexander, PhD, assistant professor of psychology and counseling at New York Institute of Technology.
Flexibility doesn’t just help you cope in the moment—it also shapes your long-term health. Single bad days happen, but how stress accumulates over time is much more important. “With resilience, you can recover effectively from stress, lowering your stress levels as time goes on, and preventing those problems from developing as quickly or as severely,” he says.
Chronic stress can contribute to cardiovascular problems, immune changes, and mental health challenges, but Dr. Alexander suggests that resilience “can protect your body and brain from negative outcomes.”
Still, resilience isn’t always obvious—especially if you’re currently going through a tough time. “It often shows up in small, easy-to-miss ways,” says Dr. Alexander. Even getting through the day could be a sign of resilience.
Keep reading to see the small patterns and habits that could point to you being resilient, even when it doesn’t feel obvious.
1. You show up even when it’s hard
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No one feels calm and steady all of the time. But if you’re anxious, overwhelmed, or frustrated and still show up and follow through—that’s a sign of resilience, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
“From a cognitive and nervous system perspective, resilience is about how efficiently you can respond to a challenge and then return to a stable baseline,” Dr. Alexander explains. “You still feel the stress. But if, despite that stress, you’re making decisions and still showing up to complete tasks, that is a form of resilience.”
2. You don’t stay stuck in stress
Sometimes the clearest sign of resilience isn’t how you react, but how you recover. Dr. Alexander explains, “The stress is there, but it doesn’t linger as long [as it used to].”
He says that people often move toward extremes under pressure, either becoming rigid and trying to control everything or shutting down entirely. But resilience lives in the middle. It allows you to feel the stress and move through it without getting stuck in those feelings, so you can stay engaged and work towards goals. Dr. Alexander says, “It’s easy to underestimate how important that is, but recovery from a stressful situation means that you can jump right back in instead of shutting down.”
3. You ask for help
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Resilient people don’t try to do everything alone. Asking for and accepting help from others is a sign of resilience and knowing when to seek support is a strength, not a weakness.
It also reinforces social connection, which “matters more than people often realize,” Dr. Alexander says. “Supportive interactions signal safety, which makes it easier to recover from stress.”
4. You express your emotions
Some may think that resilience requires constant optimism, but that’s not the case, according to Adam Borland, PsyD, a psychologist at Cleveland Clinic. He says, “It is important to remember that allowing ourselves to experience negative emotions is an aspect of resiliency.”
He points to the importance of prioritizing mindfulness and emotional presence, which is the ability to stay aware of what you’re feeling without immediately pushing it away. “AKA, not bottling things up,” Dr. Borland explains.
Whether that’s talking things through, journaling, or simply acknowledging how you feel, processing emotions helps you move through them more effectively than suppressing them.
5. You focus on what you can control
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“The biggest indicator to me that someone is resilient is how they manage challenges that come their way,” says Michelle DiBlasi, DO, chief of inpatient psychiatry at Tufts Medical Center. That often means taking time to understand what’s happening, acknowledging feelings like fear or frustration, and then shifting toward what you can do next.
Personal accountability matters, too. Dr. DiBlasi says, “[A] key to resiliency is being honest about your own role in the difficulty you’re facing, and then figuring out what steps you can take to address it without focusing on blaming others.” It also involves learning from past challenges to navigate future stress more effectively, adds Dr. Borland.
6. You adjust when things don’t go to plan
Flexibility is at the heart of resilience, notes Dr. DiBlasi. “People with high levels of resilience have what we call cognitive flexibility,” she explains. “They are able to change their focus if their situation changes to really prioritize the most pressing and important concerns.”
That might look like adjusting your expectations, changing your approach, or letting go of a plan that’s no longer working.
7. You can calm yourself down
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“Another sign that you’ve built resilience is that simple actions like taking a breath or stepping away briefly can actually help you reset,” Dr. Alexander says.
This ability to regulate your stress response starts with awareness. Recognizing what your anxiety or stress symptoms look like (and reminding yourself that they’re temporary) is what helps you respond with intention rather than blind reactions, Dr. Borland says. From there, using coping tools like deep breathing, movement, or positive self-talk can help settle your system enough to re-engage. Even if the stress doesn’t go away completely, that ability to reset and step back in is a key sign of resilience.
8. You stick with the basics when you don’t feel like it
Whether you’re overwhelmed, burnt out, struggling with mental health issues, or just in a funk, keeping up with small, consistent tasks is a form of resilience. Dr. Borland says the key is “setting small, achievable goals and seeing them through to completion,” specifically.
Importantly, Dr. DiBlasi emphasizes that consistency matters more than intensity. Even on low-motivation days, showing up in small, meaningful ways builds resilience over time.
9. You prioritize recovery
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Resilience isn’t always about pushing through, but knowing when to pause. “People with high levels of resilience often know they need to take breaks in order to be successful,” Dr. DiBlasi says.
Recovery-oriented habits—such as sleep, physical activity, nutrition, self-care, and social connection—also work to shape how your nervous system functions over time, adds Dr. Alexander. “These habits build resilience over time by improving the system’s ability to respond and recover,” he says. “If you can move towards healthier habits in any of those areas, you’ll find yourself more resilient and better equipped to handle stress.”
10. You’re “just getting through the day”
If you feel like you’re barely keeping up, it’s easy to assume you’re not resilient. But that’s often when resilience shows up in its most meaningful, yet easy-to-miss, ways.
“‘Just getting through the day’ can build momentum and transform small accomplishments into healthy habits,” says Dr. Borland. He also emphasizes the importance of letting go of perfectionism and embracing “good enough,” a form of self-acceptance that can reduce anxiety, burnout, and low moods.
He adds that it’s important to recognize and celebrate small daily victories, especially when we are physically or emotionally exhausted. In other words, resilience doesn’t always look like progress—it often looks like persistence.
About the experts
Robert Alexander, PhD, is an award-winning cognitive neuroscientist, NIH-funded principal investigator, and assistant professor of psychology and counseling at New York Institute of Technology.
Adam Borland, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist at Cleveland Clinic specializing in integrative adult behavioral talk therapy.
Michelle DiBlasi, DO, is a psychiatrist, chief of inpatient psychiatry at Tufts Medical Center, and assistant professor at Tufts University School of Medicine.
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