SINGAPORE – After turning 16, Ms Priscilla Khong wanted to end it all.
“I grew up in a good family. My father’s a pastor. My mother is a doctor. I would say I did not have any wants or needs,” said the 45-year-old.
Her father is well-known pastor Lawrence Khong, who is also a social entrepreneur and professional illusionist, and her mother, Nina, was a general practitioner.
Yet Ms Khong, executive director of Gateway Arts, a not-for-profit organisation that focuses on theatre addressing the emotional and psychological needs of young people, said her teenage self “did not really find any reason to live”.
“I felt ungrateful for feeling that way. You always hear about the people who are really struggling. I was not, so why did I feel like that? That was the constant question I had when I was young,” she said.
That was during the 1980s and 1990s, when mental illness was seldom discussed, largely because of the intense social stigma surrounding it, the institutionalisation of individuals thought to have mental health issues, and limited awareness of mental health.
For people like the young Ms Khong, struggling with mental health challenges was often perceived as a sign of personal weakness.
She ended up cutting herself, going to the extent of trying to inscribe words onto her arm.
“Looking back, I realised it was a coping mechanism, but at that time I didn’t know. I just wanted to feel something. I just needed to feel something,” she told The Straits Times.
She became gregarious and reckless, driven by a desire to live fast and die young.
“I became quite the adrenaline junkie. I went skydiving three times, bungee-jumped five times, and would also hold the mobile phone out to record a whole roller-coaster ride just because the thrill was not intense enough for me,” she said.
Ms Khong learnt from and performed with her father and became a well-known illusionist and magician herself. She would perform daring acts like hanging 6m above a pair of metal jaws while suspended from a burning rope.
“In one minute, the fire would burn up the rope, causing me to fall into the jaws that would snap shut,” she explained.
A single mum at 20
The plays Ms Priscilla Khong’s Gateway Arts stages at Gateway Theatre often focus on mental health. Many audience members are deeply moved, staying back to discuss what they have seen.
(ST PHOTO: BRIAN TEO)
The first of four children, Ms Khong said she often felt that her parents were very strict.
“I wanted my freedom, but at the same time, because I am filial, I would never run away,” she said.
In fact, when she got pregnant at 20, she came home and told her parents.
“My mum’s reaction was ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, you are going to have to grow up so quickly’. My dad had wanted to kick me out of the house,” she said.
“It took him almost a day to be able to tell me that he was very disappointed with me, ‘yet I choose to love you just as Jesus loves me’, he said. That broke me,” she said, tears brimming in her eyes.
“Before that, I always believed my friends would be the ones I could rely on no matter what. I had expected to be kicked out of the house, but when it didn’t happen, it made me feel God’s love through my parents,” she said.
Ms Khong had her baby out of wedlock in 2003, but 10 years later, the matter drew significant public attention and debate after her father dismissed a pregnant, married staff member at his church over an adulterous affair.
Ms Khong said her son, who is now 23, is the reason she chose “to remain present and not check out early”.
In the years after having her son, she married and had a daughter, and then the Covid-19 pandemic hit.
The pandemic was a very challenging time in her life, leading to “big bouts of depression”. “If not for the fact I had to do things for my daughter, I would not even move. I would just lie in bed, and that weight, that heaviness came down on me, I just couldn’t move,” she said.
“That’s why I am thankful that my daughter became one of the reasons I was able to pull myself out of my struggles. She was that something I simply had to be present for.”
By then, her son was already an adult and leading his own life.
Her first breakthrough came when a friend suggested she see a professional therapist and paid for the session.
It was then that Ms Khong realised that one of the great challenges for people struggling with mental issues is finding the courage to open up.
“Once you start opening up, the healing process begins. It doesn’t mean it goes away totally, but it starts that journey,” she said.
The arts: A gateway to healing
Priscilla, the executive director of Gateway Arts, at the Gateway Theatre on April 1.
(ST PHOTO: BRIAN TEO)
Having performed on stage and, at times, even conceptualised the shows, Ms Khong decided to turn to the arts and theatre to promote mental health, especially among the young. Gateway Theatre, of which she is the director, officially opened to the public in July 2017.
It was in September 2024 that her theatre company Gateway Arts staged Every Brilliant Thing, a monologue about suicide and depression, written by English playwright Duncan Macmillan. It was performed by local actress Sharon Sum.
Each performance was followed by a post-show discussion led by Samaritans of Singapore.
During one of the 10 performances, Ms Khong met a group of teenagers sharing their thoughts about the show. While the boys in the group dismissed the lead’s performance as overly dramatic, she noticed a girl who seemed unsettled by their remarks.
She then shared her experience of self-harm as a teen with them.
“That was my first time talking about what I did to a group of young people. The girl actually thanked me later,” Ms Khong said.
At that very show, she noticed a young man who seemed visibly uncomfortable during the play. By the time it ended, he was unable to leave his seat.
“I sat with him and told him it was okay to stay as long as he needed. I found out later that he was going to go home and take his own life that night. I managed to call his social worker, who sent him back safely to his mother,” she added.
She told ST she would not go so far as to say she had saved a life, but in that moment, the theatre had given her the chance to step in and make a difference.
With that focus, Gateway Arts continues to stage plays centred on mental health, followed by post-show discussions facilitated by counsellors.
In May, Gateway Theatre is staging Scaredy Kat Presents, a multimedia theatre production that gives voice to the anxious inner world of a child and later opens the floor for meaningful conversations with the children in the audience.
“Ours was a generation that struggled to articulate our feelings. But the Gen Alphas are different. However, this doesn’t mean they know how to manage those feelings. Plays like Scaredy Kat Presents can help young people transition from emotional awareness to developing emotional regulation,” she said.
The play ends its run on May 31.
Source: The Straits Times © SPH Media Limited. Permission required for reproduction