How to Be More Straightforward
We prefer people who are ‘straightforward’: who are direct and unambiguous about their desires and characters. Becoming more so involves untangling the self-deceptions we constructed when we were young.
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“A basic distinction in humans is between those who are simple and straightforward to deal with – and those who are – as we tend to be reminded when we interact with them – repeatedly tricky or complicated to handle. What makes straightforward people gratifying to be around isn’t so much that their positions and intentions are always inherently unproblematic, it’s that we happen to know exactly what the issues are from the start. There is therefore no need to guess, infer, decode, untangle, unscramble or translate. There are no sudden surprises or revolutions in perspective. If these straightforward types don’t want to do something, they will, politely and in good time, explain that it’s really not for them. If they’re unhappy with our behaviour, they won’t smile sweetly while developing noxious stores of envy or hatred in the recesses of their minds; they will immediately provide a gentle but accurate statement of how we are frustrating them. If they are worried a project is going awry, they won’t pretend that all is well until a catastrophe can no longer be denied. If they are attracted to someone, they will find charming, kind and inoffensive ways of making their feelings clear. And in bed, they may want to please, but they can also be honest and unashamed about what actually excites them.”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
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Title animation produced in collaboration with
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11 Comments
How to be German in a nutshell… 😅
Personally, I've always been very forthright and my parents didn't give me the impression that honesty was discouraged. Yet I'm highly pensive and complex and up and until recently thought heavily about the legitimacy of my desires. What I've come to realize is that I am broken and flawed in the same way everyone else is, though I may be uniquely broken I am not unique in being broken. I've realized there is no amount of thinking that will change it and that the only way I can move forward is by accepting myself and deciding to charge forward regardless. That if I want my life to be without burden, that I have to move in spite of them rather than to try to solve the unsolvable. Its made a huge difference in my life.
Liking and commenting to bring more Alain into my Youtube feed…
Just don't.
For the complex among us – take your time. One can be straightforward and understanding that it can be harder for some than others. Just be sure to offer the occasional hint to let the straightforward know there’s ‘something’ percolating in there somewhere.
Coincidentally, this is a topic that my psychologist and I are currently talking about. I've been feeling and thinking that speaking up about my own desires, feelings and wants was "selfish" due to my childhood, but instead valued the desires of others. This obstacle can also complicate the ability to connect better, since the fear of rejection lingers around. No more.
So you’re saying that one can work to become more straightforward, but in another interview you said people can’t change their attachment style… isn’t being afraid of honesty part of insecure attachment? Isn’t changing that at least part way to healing anxious/avoudant attachment?
Being straightforward is a form of respect. It saves people from guessing, decoding, and carrying confusion you had the courage to clarify.
Slyness and being tricky is very irritating for those around
Thanks Mom! 😡
I agree with every word, and at the same time I want to express my immense admiration for the creators of the animation. It’s an excellent visual representation of the subject matter.