Veteran music composer and singer Anand Raaj Anand has opened up about a challenging phase in his life, stating that he experienced clinical depression and suicidal thoughts after stepping away from the Hindi film industry and relocating to the UK.
In an interaction with Faridoon Shahryar, Anand said that a combination of prolonged work pressure and changes in the industry affected his mental health, leaving him feeling disconnected from his craft after taking a break from films.
He said, “2011 ke baad mujhe clinical depression ho gaya tha. It was a suicidal depression.” (After 2011, I developed clinical depression. It was a suicidal depression).
Reflecting on his career at its peak, he added, “Jab time achha chal raha hota hai, aadmi ke paas sab kuch hota hai, sirf time nahi hota. Maine 11-13 saal itna kaam kiya ki vacation tak nahi le paya. Phir industry corporate ho gayi. Pehle producers, directors aur financiers baithkar music banate the. Baad mein sab WhatsApp aur computers par shift ho gaya. Mujhe laga main plastic aur computer ke saath kaam kar raha hoon.” (When things are going well, a person has everything except time. I worked continuously for 11-13 years without even taking a holiday. Then the industry became corporate. Earlier, producers, directors and financiers would sit together to create music, but later everything shifted to WhatsApp and computers. I felt like I was working with plastic and machines.)
He said he decided to step away from work and focus on his personal life, but the break did not go as planned.
“I felt I had worked enough and should spend some time with my family. I went to the UK, travelled, and focused on personal life. But when I returned, many new composers had entered the industry. My mistake was that I thought I could take a break. That break ended up breaking me.”
The composer revealed that his condition required medical treatment for several years. “My depression was clinical. Let me tell you honestly, I have never spoken about this on any podcast before. From 2011 to 2020, I was on medication.”
Describing the severity of his mental state, Anand said there were times when he could not function creatively at all. “There was a time when I would say, ‘Close the doors, make the room dark, don’t make any noise.’ I could not create anything. That was my condition.”
The turning point came when his doctor advised him to return to his creative roots. Anand said he slowly began writing and composing again, saving ideas on his computer and rebuilding his confidence step by step.
“My doctor told me that until I returned to creativity and started enjoying the gift that nature had given me, the depression would not go away.” He also shared that during this phase, he wrote an unreleased Punjabi song inspired by his struggles, with lyrics reflecting feelings of isolation, loss, and hopelessness.
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